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Thread: Complicated spider web

  1. #1

    Complicated spider web

    I have been friends with this woman for 5 years, we met gaming and immediately had a a flirty friendship. We were just friends but we were both certainly attracted to each other very early on. It was always cool there were never any blurred lines we knew that we just enjoyed flirting with each other and have somewhat similar personalities with her being more extroverted than I. She is married and was married when we met, there's thousands of miles between us. So nothing physical ever felt to be a risk. This friendship is one of the deepest and most honest intimate friendships I've ever had. We used to talk relatively frequently and then we'd go months and speak again and everything was just the same back to normal. She is also bisexual and has permission to sleep with another woman if she ever found the right one. They have had conversations about the possibility of her sleeping with another man, from what I can tell is that he could potentially be open to it if it was someone they didn't really know. So obviously that rules me out.
    The Last 2 months we have video called for more hours than I could care to guess, texted and teased and I've even provided her with an explicit image after 1 of our conversations. My brain is fried with it all. We've had deep conversations about our feelings and she's had feelings for me longer than I have for her but I think my feelings are more intense due to technically being single. I have definitely fallen for her and I know the logical thing is to stop but we connect emotionally, in humor, politics, basically the only thing we are not 100% compatible in is taste of music but even there is middle ground there. If there was anyway to make it work with her I would take it. I haven't felt this vulnerable and insecure and happy and sad and jealous In my life. I DON'T WANT IT TO END BUT I KNOW IF IT DOES I HAVE TO BE THE 1 TOO CHOOSE IT. AHHHH J

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    If this cyber friendship/sexting is keeping you from real life local girlfriends, then it's harming you. She has her life and her sex partner(s). You are sitting there with a screen.
    Originally Posted by Crazy4blue
    we met gaming and immediately had a a flirty friendship. She is married and was married when we met, there's thousands of miles between us.
    The Last 2 months we have video called for more hours than I could care to guess, texted and teased and I've even provided her with an explicit image after 1 of our conversations.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's only as complicated as you want it to be. I think you're so deeply embroiled in this fantasy romance that extracting yourself will probably be very hard for you.

    I'd keep in mind that whatever she says about her marriage is coming from her only. Unless you have a conversation with her husband and the three of you come to an arrangement and facetime or have an in-person meeting, she may not even be telling the truth and I'd be wary. Everyone needs an escape and not all escapes are created equal. Some are less honest.

    Take everything she says with a grain of salt. Have a think on it for awhile. As painful as it may seem to you, maybe doing nothing right now might be in your best interests.

    If you're gaming a lot especially during these lockdowns and quarantines, consider other hobbies or something else that will allow you to spend less time in front of the screen or make-believe scenarios. There is nothing wrong with gaming. You just need to stay in touch with reality (as do all of us). You are not alone in that.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Yeah, whatever someone tells you about their marriage, I'd take with a huge grain of salt unless their spouse is there to confirm. In fact, I'd go so far as to say assume it's all lies and bs unless their actual spouse confirms their agreements personally to you.

    Overall, there is no complicated spider web here. You are helping this woman cheat and you are starting to take that further and further into the physical realm. There is nothing romantic about cheating and it doesn't make her a wonderful person you build dreams around.

    Here is a sobering thought for you - let's say she leaves her husband and you and her get together. Would you ever be able to trust her or would you always be looking over your shoulder, especially when she is on her computer "gaming" and chatting with others. It's not a romance, it's a nightmare and a life in hell.

    Even if she is telling the truth that their marriage is open, still, they are THE couple and you are just a side toy...on a par with a dildo. Sorry, to be harsh, but that is the reality of becoming a side piece in someone else's relationship. It's not a good or a flattering place to be in. It's an empty and unfulfilling one.

    You can walk away from this any time you want to. Five years is a very long time to spend living in fantasy land and as already stated, in that time you could have built a real life relationship with someone who can actually be with you honestly and truly, in real time in real life.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Each of us has limited time in our lives, and we have to choose our priorities on who we pour our emotional energy into. It's not finite. You can have platonic love for more than one person, but there's only room in your life for one romantic partner, unless you're into polyamory.

    Don't you want that one partner to be unattached, emotionally available for a singular love, local so you can actually hold hands, make out, enjoy meals together, all in 3D?

    Sounds a lot more appealing to me than a flirtatious woman thousands of miles away who is okay boinking and sexting whoever blows her way.

    You mustn't feel like you deserve any better than this seedy situation. Work on your self esteem, pull yourself away from this time-suck that is not getting you what I believe it is you're really seeking. No decent local woman will date you if you're involved with someone like this online.

    Are you ready for a real relationship that requires daily effort, or are you more comfortable with the distance and hiding behind a screen? Something to consider in investigating your psyche.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    I'm so sorry you got caught up in this....it is so so hard to walk away even tho that's what you should do. I suggest you pull back a little at a time, and go outside....push yourself away from the computer/phone and find other things to do....she will be on your mind but at least you will be making steps to wean yourself off this complicated mess.


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