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Thread: He met someone else but wants to keep in touch with me. Will he ever come back ?

  1. #31
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    He wants to flirt while with a new gf, what type of bf does that make? He is showing you who he is, a cheater.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    OP, you are trying to read way too much into his words because you don't want to face the reality that he was never that into you and moved on when he met someone who he is actually interested in.

    Look at his actions - he was single and bored, he was happy to text you and flirt away. He met someone he is serious about, he quickly cut you off and blocked you and told you why. The whole "stay in touch"....honestly it's either cushioning the blow or setting you up as plan B or C. If he ever breaks up with his gf, he is leaving the door open to pick up the idle chit chat and flirting again. From his perspective, it's harmless fun. Unfortunately, you OP, are taking this connection way too seriously and allowed yourself to get way too attached.

    To the statement about "you just can't help who you get attracted to", you can't help attraction, but you are in complete control on what you do with it. You can opt to walk away any time you want. You are not helpless. Should have walked away from this long ago. At any rate, if a hook up is going to cause you to get so attached, then hook ups and one night stands are not for you. Next time just say no to that and find guys who can actually date you and build a real relationship with you before you hit the sack. Save yourself a lot of grief.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JustMay
    Thank you for replying. I wished him the best, to show respect. I understand he wants to go for a girl who lives closer. Yes, he is just a crush but sex was involved, and we have a good chemistry. I feel like Iíve been played, I am disappointed. Sure, I have always kept my options open. He knows I am going to move in his town soon, and in his texts it sounded like he plans to call me again.
    You werent played. You're upset he found a girl who lives closer. Time for you to move on.

  4. #34
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    Hi !
    Your title sums all you need no know about your situation:
    "He met someone else but wants to keep in touch with me"

    So That new girl is important enough for you to have been blocked by him. (Btw it is very rude to block someone just like that without a warning explanation or anything. He apologized after the fact.) That girl is also important enough in his eyes for him to mentioned her to you.
    At the same time he didn't talk about her in a respectful way and ask to keep in touch with you. These behaviors tell you a lot about his values: he wants to have a girlfriend AND a flirt friend that he will keep in the back burner in case it doesn't work out with the gf. This is disrespecful towards her and you.
    if she finds out about your flirty friendship, there's a very high possibility he will talks about you in not very respectful manners and disminish the importance of what you had together. That's the way he seems to operate.
    I would be very careful around a guy like that, even in the futur when he's single again.

    I hope you meet someone locally. Someone who makes you feel special and loved.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by Cannelle
    Hi !
    (Btw it is very rude to block someone just like that without a warning explanation or anything. He apologized after the fact.) That girl is also important enough in his eyes for him to mentioned her to you.

    (...) That's the way he seems to operate.
    I would be very careful around a guy like that, even in the futur when he's single again.
    Hi Cannelle ! Thank your for your help and your kind words.
    I also find it was rude to block me. It looked like an impulsive gesture, I canít explain it, for me this was extreme. He said ę sorry I was about to send you a text Ľ, maybe he was afraid his girlfriend would see it or he prefers to avoid any temptation to talk me (the only reasons I can think about).



    Everyone judged him as a cheater. I was with many guys, unfaithful, disrespectful, even mean. He was the first guy to be sweet and to show respect. There is no evidence he already was with the other girl when he talked to me. Maybe they just started dating this week (seems weird, but who knows). So I donít think he is a cheater.
    Then he didnít own me anything. We were not together, I said I wanted something casual, never showed him real interest, never told him I started liking him, so I can blame me a little, but defining him as a player, a bad boyfriend, might be fast judgment.
    I was just hoping to meet again, I think he wanted too. And then I would ask him out. I think we have mutual attraction, but we canít blame him to have attraction for me if I pass by his town again, or blame him for wanting to have a girl who live close to his place. We also have no evidence he likes her that much, telling me he has someone is just to inform me that we canít talk or flirt for now. Maybe I have a selfish feeling for wanting him and I started seeing him as boyfriend material too late. But him being a cheater..? I donít think so.

  7. #36
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by JustMay
    Hi Cannelle ! Thank your for your help and your kind words.
    I also find it was rude to block me. It looked like an impulsive gesture, I canít explain it, for me this was extreme. He said ę sorry I was about to send you a text Ľ, maybe he was afraid his girlfriend would see it or he prefers to avoid any temptation to talk me (the only reasons I can think about).



    Everyone judged him as a cheater. I was with many guys, unfaithful, disrespectful, even mean. He was the first guy to be sweet and to show respect. There is no evidence he already was with the other girl when he talked to me. Maybe they just started dating this week (seems weird, but who knows). So I donít think he is a cheater.
    Then he didnít own me anything. We were not together, I said I wanted something casual, never showed him real interest, never told him I started liking him, so I can blame me a little, but defining him as a player, a bad boyfriend, might be fast judgment.
    I was just hoping to meet again, I think he wanted too. And then I would ask him out. I think we have mutual attraction, but we canít blame him to have attraction for me if I pass by his town again, or blame him for wanting to have a girl who live close to his place. We also have no evidence he likes her that much, telling me he has someone is just to inform me that we canít talk or flirt for now. Maybe I have a selfish feeling for wanting him and I started seeing him as boyfriend material too late. But him being a cheater..? I donít think so.
    No I didn't think he is a cheater either. He was a single guy, free to do whatever. That said I do think you need to step out of denial that his relationship isn't serious. Normally, by the time someone decides to do some housecleaning, it's because they were already dating, things got more serious and they became exclusive. That's the point where most people will stop acting like they are single, stop talking to ex's or otherwise flirting with someone they had a thing with once and so on. He reached a point where dating turned more serious and so you had to go as that's the correct thing to do. As for being awkward, most people have a hard time with rejecting someone.

    It's really best for you and your own well being that you don't keep telling yourself this story that his relationship must not be good or serious because staying hung up on him is going to stop you from finding the right guy for yourself. This guy was never it. It didn't work out - distance, missed opportunities for one reason or another, it just wasn't meant to be. Let it go.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this the same man?: [Register to see the link]

    Originally Posted by JustMay
    I had a casual relationship with this guy last year at the end of summer, it's been several months we didn't see each other but we had contact several times since then. He ignored the question, flirted with me and suddenly get angry, saying I was asking too many questions and being pushy by insisting to meet up. Why he acts like that, does he not want to see me or he is afraid?

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Is this the same man?
    Wow, no way he is the same guy. This guy was a jerk. He was one of my first dating experiences. I grew up and changed a lot since then. Even if you try to find similar points, there are any. Two completely different guys, one was selfish, the one I talk here is a caring and nice guy. I find it inappropriate to look for old posts. I would like to delete them but we are not allowed to.

  10. #39
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Normally, by the time someone decides to do some housecleaning, it's because they were already dating, things got more serious and they became exclusive. That's the point where most people will stop acting like they are single, stop talking to ex's or otherwise flirting with someone they had a thing with once and so on. He reached a point where dating turned more serious and so you had to go as that's the correct thing to do.
    Hmm.. then it would be emotional cheating. If he was already dating her when talking to me.. then not cool for her. When he told me for her, just 3 days before we were flirting. And by flirting I mean sexting. Not innocent chatting. So if he was already seeing her, I donít consider him being serious with her.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by JustMay
    Hmm.. then it would be emotional cheating. If he was already dating her when talking to me.. then not cool for her. When he told me for her, just 3 days before we were flirting. And by flirting I mean sexting. Not innocent chatting. So if he was already seeing her, I donít consider him being serious with her.
    I wouldn't go there -you don't have enough information. All you know is that in this situation he is justifying continuing to sext with you while apparently being in a relationship with someone else. It doesn't matter what your opinion of his actions are -you had a brief fling with him. I'd just move on.

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