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Thread: I messaged my ex back, did this disempower me?

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes, if this is this inspiration that he doesn't care and it's time to block and delete him and all his people, then that is good.
    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    My friend just saw him on Tinder too... so Iím feeling more inclined to delete him off FB.

  2. #32
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Yes, if this is this inspiration that he doesn't care and it's time to block and delete him and all his people, then that is good.
    I want too, but I am extremely nervous about being perceived as being petty and immature by deleting him off FB.. and I donít see any reason to delete our mutual friends, the ones who are partners and girlfriends of his guy mates.

    But if I deactivate my FB he might think I blocked him which is worse.

    I donít know what to do.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    I want too, but I am extremely nervous about being perceived as being petty and immature by deleting him off FB.. and I donít see any reason to delete our mutual friends, the ones who are partners and girlfriends of his guy mates.

    But if I deactivate my FB he might think I blocked him which is worse.

    I donít know what to do.
    Just block him and be done or delete fb. Its not petty. You are taking care of yourself. it is not up to anyone else but you, what you do ir don't do. I think deleting fb now, while its fresh makes it easier in the long run.

    You dont want to be shocked by some weird post in the future.

    Do it now. Strike while the iron is hot!

  4. #34
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    So you still care what he thinks.

    That is what is going to hold you back. You don't want to "upset" him or "hurt" him or have him think poorly of you.

    Beware, those thoughts could lead you right back into a relationship with him.

    I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom, but you seem very much like someone who is teetering on the edge of a backpedal.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    So you still care what he thinks.

    That is what is going to hold you back. You don't want to "upset" him or "hurt" him or have him think poorly of you.

    Beware, those thoughts could lead you right back into a relationship with him.

    I'm not trying to be all doom and gloom, but you seem very much like someone who is teetering on the edge of a backpedal.
    No thatís not the case. Iím not sure if you know much about the physiological effects of emotional abuse. After being gaslighted consistently, and told Iím wrong and being so accustomed to tip toeing around to make sure I wouldnít set him off. A therapist recently told its normal to still have that notion of thought, of not ďhurting himĒ because being in an emotional abusive relationship makes you do what ever you can to feel ďsafeĒ to avoid the abusers wrath. That is where those thoughts are coming from, not because I want to get back with him. I will never go back there!

    I just donít want to be perceived as immature or petty by un friending on Facebook, and donít know what the common thing to do in this scenario on social media is, because I havenít had this predicament before.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Just block him and be done or delete fb. Its not petty. You are taking care of yourself. it is not up to anyone else but you, what you do ir don't do. I think deleting fb now, while its fresh makes it easier in the long run.

    You dont want to be shocked by some weird post in the future.

    Do it now. Strike while the iron is hot!
    Part of me does want to just deactivate my Facebook, because my whole timeline are just photos of us.. but then Iím thinking maybe just unfriending him will send a clearer message to him that Iím done? I donít know why I just feel so immature and petty for unfriending.

    Is it even necessary? Itís just social media after all, and makes it seem like itís a huge deal for me.

    He hasnít deleted me yet?

  8. #37
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    Perceived by whom? Him?

    First good step would be to unfriend and block rather than continuing on with the toxic mindset of "must not upset him".

    Anyone would expect to be unfriended. It's usually how breakups are done.

  9. #38
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    Perceived by whom? Him?

    First good step would be to unfriend and block rather than continuing on with the toxic mindset of "must not upset him".

    Anyone would expect to be unfriended. It's usually how breakups are done.
    Perceived by him as being spiteful and petty by unfriending him, at the same time I feel weird about still having him on my Facebook.. but itís just social media, thatís the thing and weíre adults not teenager whoís lives revolve around FB.

    Worried that it will tarnish my character by being that petty immature person whoís deleting him on Facebook.

    He hasnít even unfriended me, so maybe thatís the mature thing to do. Is just unfollow and not unfriend.

  10. #39
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You honestly connect Facebook activity with your character?

    As you said, it's just social media.

    I would explore (on your own) why you want to maintain this connection to him. And why what he thinks of you trumps everything else.

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    Perceived by him as being spiteful and petty by unfriending him, at the same time I feel weird about still having him on my Facebook.. but itís just social media, thatís the thing and weíre adults not teenager whoís lives revolve around FB.

    Worried that it will tarnish my character by being that petty immature person whoís deleting him on Facebook.

    He hasnít even unfriended me, so maybe thatís the mature thing to do. Is just unfollow and not unfriend.
    There is nothing petty or immature about unfriending someone on Facebook.

    I unfriended an ex after breaking up and he called to ask why I did that. I told him I didn't want to stay friends and therefore there was no point keeping him on my facebook. I recently unfriended someone who keeps posting provocative misinformation. A mature person can take control of their social media and social circle without having to fret about what their exes or ex-friends think of it. If he's been abusive it should be even easier - he is not your friend, why keep him on your facebook friends list?

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