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Thread: I messaged my ex back, did this disempower me?

  1. #21
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    There was nothing in your message that suggests you are leaving a door open. It wasn't the answer he was hoping for and that was "I made a mistake, lets talk." You quickly repeated what he said and then nothing. He gets it, it's done.

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    There was nothing in your message that suggests you are leaving a door open. It wasn't the answer he was hoping for and that was "I made a mistake, lets talk." You quickly repeated what he said and then nothing. He gets it, it's done.
    Thank you, reading this and having that confirmation that my message had no mixed signals what so ever really helps.

    I think at the end of the day, it is good that the last messages between us were of peace and a civil manner. I never had any intention to be nasty toward him, and I don't believe in being petty.

  3. #23
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    Now, please block and delete.

  4. #24
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    ďWas it in bad taste to say I hope heís doing well too, when clearly he isnít cos I broke up with him and I know heíll be really down about it. ď

    It sounds to me like you want him to feel bad. And you are worried that your response will make him feel less bad.

    Sometimes the dumpee feels relieved about the break up , moreso than the dumper.
    You felt empowered by leaving him but now you are concerned that he sees you as not so powerful even though he likely wanted it to end as much as you did.

    Itís natural to miss someone thatís been in your life for so long even if they were not right for you.
    He misses you , you miss him.
    But I sense that what bothers you most is that he didnít try win you back. Even though you donít want him back.

    He doesnít want you back either .
    Yes he probably does feel better that you said you missed him but thatís all.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    ďWas it in bad taste to say I hope heís doing well too, when clearly he isnít cos I broke up with him and I know heíll be really down about it. ď

    It sounds to me like you want him to feel bad. And you are worried that your response will make him feel less bad.

    Sometimes the dumpee feels relieved about the break up , moreso than the dumper.
    You felt empowered by leaving him but now you are concerned that he sees you as not so powerful even though he likely wanted it to end as much as you did.

    Itís natural to miss someone thatís been in your life for so long even if they were not right for you.
    He misses you , you miss him.
    But I sense that what bothers you most is that he didnít try win you back. Even though you donít want him back.

    He doesnít want you back either .
    Yes he probably does feel better that you said you missed him but thatís all.
    I didnít want him to feel bad.
    He ended up messaging me. One day later.
    We chatted about me coming over to collect the kitchen things. All the stuff in the kitchen are mine, I thought it would be awkward to take it. He said he wants me to take it.

    I need kitchen things for my new place but I said to him he can keep it. Plus he lives an hour away, and my sister doesnít want me near him.

    We share a mutual friend and itís his birthday party soon, so that will be interesting. We are both on the Facebook event invite list too!!

    I guess I wonít be going to that party!

  7. #26
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    Now heís messaging my sister asking if Iím safe.
    She told him Iím safe. I doubt heíll turn up here, we live an hour away from
    His place..

    My sister said she wonít tell him where Iím living, heís not stupid.
    He knows Iíve moved back with my sister, I lived with her before I moved in with him.

    Thatís probably why he messaged me, he wanted to ask where I was living.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ask your family to support you, not him and to stop chitchatting with him.
    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    Now heís messaging my sister asking if Iím safe.
    He knows Iíve moved back with my sister, I lived with her before I moved in with him.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    And why again can't you block him?

    I never understand why people say "I 'don't' block". Because, why not?

    All these messages from him are getting you to regret breaking up with him. You're thinking "Wow, he really does miss me! He really does love me! Maybe I made a mistake! Maybe he wasn't as bad as I thought he was!" Next thing you know, you two will be communicating regularly and then presto! You're seeing him again and then bingo! You're visiting him "as friends" and them voila! You're back living with him.

    Think honestly about what it is you want. If you left him hoping it would motivate him to "change" that's not a true breakup.

  10. #29
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal

    It didn't send mixed signals to him that I want him back or regret my decision to end things with him? In reality that isn't the case, I am not going to open his message if he ever messages again.

    He never replied back to my message, which I found strange or is that because my message does signal that I am still done?
    '
    I'm trying to understand why despite repeatedly stating that you "don't want him back," you're continuing to keep him unblocked? I understand that many will disagree, but (imo) that's clearly leaving a door open.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    I'm trying to understand why despite repeatedly stating that you "don't want him back," you're continuing to keep him unblocked? I understand that many will disagree, but (imo) that's clearly leaving a door open.
    So heís stopped messaging me now, it was only a few messages and about practical things. Thatís why I think he realised and then messaged my sister instead because didnít want to message me.

    He hasnít messaged me since (I donít want him too, because I am done) - Iím hoping he got that hint with my message saying I hope heís well too.

    I feel petty and immature for deleting him off FB.

    My friend just saw him on Tinder too... so Iím feeling more inclined to delete him off FB. Thinking about it just gives me anxiety.

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