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Thread: Girlfriend asks me to move out

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend asks me to move out

    Hello. I wanted to make this thread, partly for myself to put words down about how I feel, and to hear others opinions if they have any.

    I have lived together with my girlfriend in an apartment for the last ~9 months. She is going into her last year as a medical student. She has asked me to move out the apartment for 2 reasons; 1) she will be studying non-stop next year, so wants her own space, 2) she has been feeling very down recently, and doesn't know why. She thinks she might love me less than she did before (her own words).

    I don't really know what to think. I have recognised that she has a lot of things which are making her feel very down at the moment, other than our relationship. She feels depressed about various things, and I have tried to be supportive, and help her recognise that stress, and often depression, is normal as a final year medical student.

    I love her. But her saying things like she loves me less, like she isn't 100% sure on us having a future together, obviously makes me uncertain. So, I don't know whether to wait for these other things to blow over, and see how we are, or whether to just end this and possibly spare myself months of uncertainty on whether she actually wants to be together. I also don't want any sort of messy break up for her while she's in her final year as a medical student. I will also add that in the past, when I have spoken about the future, she has said, "we might not be together" (slightly tongue in cheek, but why would you say it tongue in cheek if you don't mean it). That is something I wouldn't say, because I wouldn't stick around in a relationship if I didn't see a future. At the moment I feel a lot of anger at the way she's being acting recently, but I also know she is going through a very difficult time, so I have to keep these things inside. This is why I wanted to write on here. Do I end this, when I know there are many positive things, we are very similar people, and I could see a future together, or do I take her apparent hints and end this?

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Unfortunately, you see a future with her but she doesn't.

    I don't think these issues are going to 'blow over.' There won't be any messy breakup on her part if you do as she asked you and move out. She wants to be alone, and it would be thoughtless of you to bug her about it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    I couldn't be with someone who didn't feel 100 percent confident in being with me after living with them for 9 months. If a relationship was regressing versus progressing due to my partner's decisions, I'd take that cue that it was time to end things. She's trying to fade away without drama or arguments from you, and seems to be a bit cowardly about being the one to break up. You're more into her than she is into you. I'd break up with someone who can't work with me on a plan and supporting each other through this stressful time, and bails instead.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I think the best thing you can do is to let her go. Break up and move out. Let go gracefully. If she's asking you to go, go. Right now and don't look back. Next time someone makes a tongue in cheek comment like that, call them on it in the moment.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating before you moved in together? Were there difficulties living together? All you can do is move out. Does she still want to date but just live separately? Once you move out you my find your feel relieved.
    Originally Posted by lightwelter
    She has asked me to move out the apartment for 2 reasons; 1) she will be studying non-stop next year, so wants her own space, 2) she has been feeling very down recently, and doesn't know why.

  7. #6
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    I agree. Time to say goodbye. Itís not just about sharing physical space. She doesnít know if she sees a future and living together when she feels that way is practically and financially unwise. Leave ASAP and donít give her the benefit of your companionship. If she changes her mind and feels fully committed to a future with you she can contact you then and youíll see them how you want to react.

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    Thanks all. To be honest, things have been complicated by the fact that she has been feeling depressed recently. She doesnt know exactly why she feels this way, and it could be because of the fact she's going into her last year of medicine, problems with her friends here, or because of how she feels about the two of us. In response to the above questions, she does want to date but just live seperately. I want to be there for her and help with what she's going through, but also I don't want to be strung along.

    If the problems that her and I were having at the moment were an isolated incedent, I would be reluctant to end things because of the other things contributing to the way she's feeling at the moment. But, she has made these noises for a few months, before there were any other problems in her life. This is what makes me feel like it is the right thing for me to end things now, and avoid hanging on and waiting to see if things improve.

  9. #8
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    This is the beginning of the end, OP.

    She doesnít want to be together anymore but doesnít quite have the courage yet to break up with you. But itís heading there, unfortunately.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by lightwelter
    Thanks all. To be honest, things have been complicated by the fact that she has been feeling depressed recently. She doesnt know exactly why she feels this way, and it could be because of the fact she's going into her last year of medicine, problems with her friends here, or because of how she feels about the two of us. In response to the above questions, she does want to date but just live seperately. I want to be there for her and help with what she's going through, but also I don't want to be strung along.

    If the problems that her and I were having at the moment were an isolated incedent, I would be reluctant to end things because of the other things contributing to the way she's feeling at the moment. But, she has made these noises for a few months, before there were any other problems in her life. This is what makes me feel like it is the right thing for me to end things now, and avoid hanging on and waiting to see if things improve.
    This is probably one of the healthiest and strongest posts I've read from someone in this situation. You are looking at this from the right perspective and recognizing your own value. Hang in there. You are already that much further ahead in the situation. Self respect goes a long way to supporting healthy and happy decision making. Let her be her and you be you... 👍🏻👍🏻

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Time to move on. There are plenty of other women who would want to spend their time with you. Why waste it on someone who's made some inappropriate and disturbing comments about not seeing a future with you?

    Her studying is besides the point or that she's in a stressful period of med school. You are way too patient with someone who doesn't feel the same way about you. Consider her comments serious red flags and the uncertainty an absolute dealbreaker. This is not the way to live and I have some idea that you know what I mean as you don't sound willing to live in uncertainty either.

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