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Thread: I lost interest before the 1st date, should I keep my promise and at least go?

  1. #1
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    I lost interest before the 1st date, should I keep my promise and at least go?

    So I gradually arranged a date with this girl that I knew. It really came out of nowhere as we started out as coworkers but recently started talking and found out our personalities clicked very well and it took off from there. However I texted her something around 5pm and she didn't get back to me at all until 7am the next morning. I know for a fact she was not busy and was just at home during those hours and the messages showed that they were not read at all. There is no way she did not look at her phone during those 14 hours or at least before she went to bed so i suspect she purposely ignored my messages for whatever reason. in fact, she just stopped responding or even looking at the message right in the middle of the conversation. She replied at 7am saying sorry for the late reply but didn't offer any type of reason and just made a joke about it. I dont really care if she was busy, it doesnt take long to at least respond before going to bed. If she actually gave me a reason though, i would've just let it go, but she didn't.

    Anyway I got pretty irritated as i had started getting worried that something might've happened to her or maybe she lost her phone or something because like i said, i knew she was just at home and will be on her phone so as i mentioned i can't help but feel she deliberately ignored my messages for possibly whatever stupid mind games people like to play when they're dating. Anyway it really killed my enthusiasm to pursue anything with this girl. At this point i have a really low tolerance for bull and games especially at the very beginning so things like this makes me instantly just want to walk away.

    So my question is, we did arrange a date, should i still honor it at least even though i have no interest in her anymore? I've always been the type that feel obligated to do what i say i'm going to do so i feel like i should at least go on that date that i arranged with her and after that just part ways. Or should i just let her know that i've had second thoughts and think its best if we just cut our losses now and just go our separate ways? Responses would be appreciated, thanks in advance.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If you're this irritated with her over a slow response, I don't think you're in the right space just yet to date. I have to be so honest with you. This is not looking good. Want to give it a chance? Be a little more patient and cool your jets. Remember, not every person you meet will be like the last person who treated you badly.

    You said that your personalities clicked. Stick with that. Don't let your emotions get ahead of you and flip flop back and forth. If you act impatient and annoyed now, meeting each other at work again might not be so pleasant and think of whether you'll have regrets later acting on impulse.

    Of course if you really are feeling so angry and you just can't get over it and absolutely despise her now, please don't go out with her. She doesn't deserve to be on the receiving end of that. I think you can excuse yourself graciously but it will probably be very awkward for awhile at work.

  3. #3
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    I dont despise her at all, you're reading too much into it, i simply just lost interest because of according to you just a slow response, but i believe it was mind games. Like i said, i have very little patience for that type of stuff. I believe i'm a pretty chill person but i do have boundaries that i dont compromise on with someone i barely even know, there would be other women out there who would at least respond while the conversation was ongoing or give a reason why they didn't even look at the message until 14 hours later when they were just at home Keep in mind, i didn't continue to bombard her with texts or even ask why she responded so late, i simply awaited her response to my last text and when she finally responded i just continued on from there but cut the conversation short as by that time it had died out anyway since it was 14 hours later overnight. You're also under the wrong impression that i'm gonna act like some kind of ogre to her during the date. I'm simply going to be friendly and will act completely platonic, im not treating it as anything romantic nor will i steer it towards that direction. IF she steers it towards that direction things could change, but at the moment i'm pretty much done with pursuing her.

    However as i've said, i feel obligated to at least follow through with the date and not flake. So now that i've clarified my stance, do you believe i should keep my end of the bargain or should i cancel because i'm not feeling it anymore?

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    I think you're over reacting. People don't owe you immediate reply, unless it's something urgent. I think replying a few hours later or the next day is fine. You seriously need to relax. Just because she was home doesn't mean she wasn't actually doing something AT HOME.

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    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    You're focusing on the wrong thing. I never said she owes me anything but i do deserve the right to decide whether she's the type that I would want to continue any type of relationship with. Like i mentioned, in my response to the previous person, I have certain standards and if people dont meet that expecation, they're done as far as being in my inner circle, I only have a couple friends that i've known over 30 years and thats good enough for me, i prefer quality over quantity when it comes to people i let in. I know most people would disagree with this but thats my stance in life.

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    Originally Posted by stuka80
    You're focusing on the wrong thing. I never said she owes me anything but i do deserve the right to decide whether she's the type that I would want to continue any type of relationship with. Like i mentioned, in my response to the previous person, I have certain standards and if people dont meet that expecation, they're done as far as being in my inner circle, I only have a couple friends that i've known over 30 years and thats good enough for me, i prefer quality over quantity when it comes to people i let in. I know most people would disagree with this but thats my stance in life.
    Up to you but if I may be so forward, I think it's stupid to reject someone only because they took a few hours to reply to you. Again it's up to you. If you know what you want then why even post here? Sounds like you have a short fuse to be honest.

  8. #7
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    I'm leaning towards going on the date and after going separate ways, but i wanted to see if people's opinions here would show me a side i didn't consider. however for the most part people criticized the reason for my lost interest not really on whether i should keep a date. its fine you think im being ridiculous, im aware most people dont look at things like i do. Im not completely walking away, it depends on how she acts during the date, basically in my head the ball's in her court, if she's interested in me romantically she'll have to show it in the date, then i will reconsider, if not we're basically done.

    its not that she responded hours later, i've experienced that plenty of times before, like i said, i'm actually a pretty chill guy, i dont get mad easily, i let things alot of things slide, people who know me will tell you that. and im patient and forgiving beyond reason to somethign that was truly not intentionally done on purpouse but i do filter out bs in my life and i believe the late reply was done on purpouse. its the fact that i know she was just at home and looked at her phone in those 14 hours, yet deliberately chose not to look at my messages, especially when she was so quick to enthusiastically respond before. thats what didnt sit right with me and as i mentioned, i dont appreciate the person playing mind games with me. but thanks for your intput.
    Last edited by stuka80; 05-30-2020 at 01:39 AM.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You can go on the date but don't be surprised if she picks up on your change or coldness and it may cause more confusion between the both of you. People can pick up subtle changes, coolness or a switch or change in conversation or the way a person speaks or answers questions. It's always a two-way street so just as you may be putting the ball in her court, she may be really put off by the quick change in you. To her, it might look like you did a total 180 overnight.

    There may be a reason why she took her time answering you also. Maybe she feels you are ok as a friend but unsure about anything more. Yet she did say yes to the date, didn't she? She's giving it a shot. I think everyone is entitled to a little thought process. Some people also don't like explaining themselves over text because it's besides the point - the answer is yes or no. It's too early to be expecting each other to explain yourselves for a lull in conversation and appears controlling and a little too heavyhanded. A person can offer an excuse but it shouldn't be necessary, especially not this early.

    There are a lot of bloopers usually while dating. It helps to have a good sense of humour about things.

    If you want to get ahead, I'd say start from scratch, go in with an open mind and change the way you think of this blooper. You'd have given the date a real shot and after that, you can make a fair judgment. I think it will take both of you to be your usual selves for anything to go successfully. Good for you for being wary too. If she really is so immature or petty about making you wait for no reason other than to giggle about it in the dark, be glad you found out early!
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 05-30-2020 at 01:57 AM.

  10. #9
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    You need to chill, man, and not jump to conclusions that this is some sort of mind game. This has evidently really triggered you.

    You have no clue what else she may been doing or distracted by, even if she was at home. You don't know if she was busy something else or if something happened and she didn't feel like engaging until she felt better in the morning. Why make it all about you?

    It seems like you have a serious chip on your shoulder, dude. I don't know if you're projecting because of bad past experiences but you would be wise to check your expectations and not assume the worst right out of the gate.

  11. #10
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    "You can go on the date but don't be surprised if she doesn't pick up on your change or coldness and it may cause more confusion between the both of you. People can pick up subtle changes, coolness or a switch or change in conversation or the way a person speaks or answers questions. It's always a two-way street so just as you may be putting the ball in her court, she may be really put off by the quick change in you. To her, it might look like you did a total 180 overnight."

    I'm perfectly aware of this but i honestly dont care if she gets put off by it, the outcome on the date is soley in her hands as far as i'm concerned, i've already checked out unless she shows me otherwise.

    "There may be a reason why she took her time answering you also. Maybe she feels you are ok as a friend but unsure about anything more. I think everyone is entitled to a little thought process. Some people also don't like explaining themselves over text because it's besides the point - the answer is yes or no. It's too early to be expecting each other to explain yourselves for a lull in conversation and appears controlling and a little too heavyhanded. A person can offer an excuse but it shouldn't be necessary, especially not this early."

    It wasn't any type of deep or complicated conversation that required time to process. Im convinced she looked at her phone at least once before she went to bed, there is noway anyone can convince me that in the middle of our conversation at 5pm she suddenly threw her phone in a corner and never looked at it again until she woke up the next day. Unless she actually told me that herself. Like i mentioned, at least if she gave me a reason instead of just saying sorry and then joking about it afterwards i would've looked past. So i'll have to come up with my own conclusion that she deliberately ignored my message, i looked at it as a red flag. Also if this matters, we have not chatted with each other since 7am when the conversation naturally peetered out. It is now 11pm. This fact, on top of the late reply has added to my decision to just stop pursuing her. I will however keep the date we made.

    "If you want to get ahead, I'd say start from scratch, go in with an open mind and change the way you think of this blooper. You'd have given the date a real shot and after that, you can make a fair judgment. I think it will take both of you to be your usual selves for anything to go successfully. Good for you for being wary too. "

    Thanks for the advice, but she crossed a boundary of mine that I can't compromise on. To me this was a red flag and i firmly believe i'll save myself tons of future problems and heartaches. If we had been on a few dates already then i'd probably be a bit more forgiving on this, but its only been about a week that we've been talking. i'm cutting my losses and walking away, unless things change in the date. who knows she may even back out of it herself, like i mentioned, we haven't spoken since the morning.

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