Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 33

Thread: Italian boyfriend

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    8

    Italian boyfriend

    Hi I really need some help. I have a Sicilian boyfriend we have been together almost 1 year. Iím mid 20s heís late 20s. We met working on the cruise ships, heís an officer. We are thinking about hopefully settling down in the next year or so but we have ran into a few issues. He doesnít want to leave Sicily, however I live in the U.K. so my family is here. He would still be working onboard the cruise ships and Iíd be a home with a child . I donít speak Italian fluently and I wouldnít be able to work or drive over there plus I donít actually know anyone and his parents donít speak great English. He refuses to live in the U.K., so for long term this is a massive problem. I also understand employment rate is very bad over there so Iím not set on wanting a raise a child there. Heís doesnít seem to want to meet me half way at all. Until now he really has been perfect. I went to visit Sicily for two weeks and I love it but I really canít see myself living away from family. Heís loves fishing and goes every day when heís home, it seems to be a family tradition. I hate the idea that Italians expect women not to work at all and be the housewife. I would like to do keep things in order but I would also like to have a little job, take my child to see the grandparents or the beach or park. Thatís what I dream of. But he just thinks I am too set on working and canít understand why Iím not so keen to change my whole entire life. Heís put it down to me not loving him enough :( I just feel heís thinking what he wants in his life and trying to fit me in around it instead of figuring things out together. Unfortunately heís very stubborn and can be controlling, o I just really need some advice.
    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,433
    Gender
    Male
    I don't think this is a case of meeting you halfway because in reality there is no halfway in this case. You could either live in the UK or Italy. There is no in-between (there is Switzerland but this is another case lol).

    One of you has to compromise. If none of you want to change countries then the best solution is to break up. Don't rush to have a child, it would be a huge mistake.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,692
    Ciao from Italia! (I live in Rome, though I'm not Italian-born or raised)

    I don't think this relationship is going to work, OP. One of you would be resentful for compromising too much for the other, and you come from different worlds. It's not true that Italians in general nowadays just expect women to stay home and be a housewife, though it could indeed be true in his family and community. Sicily is known to be quite traditional, in some regards. You saw what he expects. You don't agree, and he doesn't agree with your worldview.

    It doesn't appear you two are compatible enough on areas that are significant. I would strongly encourage you to re-evaluate the feasibility of taking this further.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,068
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Unfortunately you're at an impasse and incompatible. It seems if you go there you would fear isolation and him controlling you. Why bother hanging onto that?

    Are you married or pregnant? What is the 'raising a child' concern about?
    Originally Posted by Liv368
    He doesnít want to leave Sicily, however I live in the U.K. so my family is here. He refuses to live in the U.K. Iím not set on wanting a raise a child there. I hate the idea that Italians expect women not to work at all and be the housewife. take my child to see the grandparents Unfortunately heís very stubborn and can be controlling

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    8
    For me I would feel like I would want to be able to take my child out in the car places, be able to take them to school, in Italy if I donít drive there I wonít be able to do that. We did speak about me renting here in the U.K. and then taking the child to see him and stay in Italy for 2-3 months whilst heís home. However I know this wonít work long term because the child will eventually start school and that would mean either here or there. Itís such a shame because we really are very good together and we are so similar in personalities and heís very good with me. But here we have a lot of conflict. My family are a little concerned for me as they know that I may not stay very well in the future in Italy to live. Itís also very hard because I wouldnít want t confuse my child with the situation of two countries and two languages. I really wish if he made a sacrifice to come here with me like my friend is doing and going over to visit in Italy when heís home for a few weeks but Iím afraid heís so stuck in his roosts.

  7. #6

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    8
    No Iím not married or pregnant. But we have spoken about both of those areas.

  8. #7

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    8
    Oh thatís interesting, how do you find living there? Do you have to speak Italian to live in Italy? I do feel that I could make a compromise somehow but I feel itís not reciprocated. He wants his ideas or nothing, I feel like Iím going to have to fit into someone elseís life.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,068
    Gender
    Male
    How old is your child? Is the child from this relationship? Are you pregnant with his child?
    Originally Posted by Liv368
    For me I would feel like I would want to be able to take my child out in the car places
    then taking the child to see him and stay in Italy for 2-3 months whilst heís home.
    the child will eventually start school and that would mean either here or there.
    I wouldnít want t confuse my child with the situation of two countries and two languages.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    Jun 2020
    Posts
    8
    Iím not actually pregnant or have a child but I would like to in the future. For me itís important to already be thinking about these kind of questions to prepare yourself for the future.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2015
    Location
    Europe
    Posts
    1,433
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by Liv368
    Iím afraid heís so stuck in his roosts.
    That's not a fair statement, he could say the same for you.

    It's a shame but realistically it is not going to work and you know it. Enjoy the relationship while it lasts.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •