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Thread: I lost interest before the 1st date, should I keep my promise and at least go?

  1. #51
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Was the text she took too long to respond to the one of you suggesting going out or to firm up the plans? Seems like there is already a mismatch in communication styles. Maybe don't force it and let it go since there was so-so interest to begin with.
    Originally Posted by stuka80
    I texted her something around 5pm and she didn't get back to me at all until 7am the next morning.

  2. #52
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    Originally Posted by stuka80
    yes, you're right, my conscious thought of trying to be a person with integrity and doing what i say i'm gonna do is what causing me to decide to just go on the date and after that going our separate ways, but after reading a few responses, i believe it is actually better to just be honest with her and cancel rather than go on that date and giving her a false impression of it.
    I fully agree. And, you show integrity by not going on that date.

  3. #53
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Without going back.a d rereading
    . . Was a portion of those 14 hours the time she might have been asleep? Could she have been on the phone with someone else and when the call ended too late to respond?
    I'm only defending her, not suggesting you waste her time by taking her out when you've already made gross assumptions and challenged her integrity.

  4. #54
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    What I do find alarming about all your posts is that you do actually seem suspicious. I'm not saying with this girl specifically, but if you do actually want a relationship, you seriously need to relax! OK, maybe you were annoyed she took long to respond. OK, fair enough. But the fact that you're convinced she actually WAS looking at her phone all night and she DELIBERATELY ignored you because she was playing mind games. You literally don't know this and have no proof of this! You should never make blind assumptions about people because that will really backfire on you in life.

    Also you're acting like you are God's gift to this woman and you should be her number one priority in life. You've never gone on a date before so clearly you are not her number one thing in life. I think it's fine if you receive a text at 5:00 p.m. to reply the next morning. If you are actually doing something in the evening, then you go to sleep. Yes it was 14 hours but for maybe 8-9 hours of that she could be sleeping. People are actually not perfect and YOU are not perfect. You need to give people some leeway in life. If you're not interested in her then that's fine..But to say you lost interest only because she texted you back the next morning is just weird. Man up and say the real reason you're not interested. E.g. you don't find her that attractive, as you said. The other reason is just stupi. Sorry but it is.

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  6. #55
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    A lot gets lost in translation with cell phones, texting, emails, messages, voice mails, FB and social media. You have to be very careful because when another person doesn't have any feelings of ill will or if they're inattentive towards you, it doesn't mean they don't like you. You're left guessing so you jump to conclusions that she or any other person for that matter, doesn't place you on a pedestal. This is the problem with this Information Age. You read between the lines too much. You misconstrue. If someone is silent or doesn't reply to you the way you want when you want, you automatically deduce that there's a problem with THEM. The problem here is YOU.

    People are very busy and many of us are not tethered to our phones 24 / 7. We have things to do, work, commutes, households to maintain, errands, chores, grooming, tending to others, responsibilities and the like.

    The real problem here is lack of IN PERSON verbal discussions. Sit down and have coffee or tea with them at length. Don't hurry nor rush. People need to discuss what's on their mind as opposed to figuring people out electronically. Then suddenly, you're mystified, angry and decide to call it quits just like that. I think that's unfair. Give people a chance to explain themselves. There's a lot you don't know about what goes on in other people's lives. Whether it's a communication style difference which you don't approve of or their personal reasons, give people a chance to answer your questions accurately. Be forgiving and you'll have improved changes in the relationship.

    A lot of times, other people and you get your wires crossed and misunderstand each other. Don't distort another person's actions or lack thereof until you give them a chance to defend themselves. You think that their intentions were deliberately an affront to you while they may very well have valid and legitimate reasons for not replying earlier. Once they've explained to you IN PERSON as opposed to furiously texting back 'n forth, then you can judge and realize that person was not for you due to personality and character differences. Until then, it's premature to make impulsive decisions and permanently estrange yourself from them. You will miss many opportunities with other people unless you cut them some slack. Be reasonable, have empathy and patience. Then reevaluate, assess and take action. Not the other way around. You're doing everything backwards.

  7. #56
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stuka80
    Something significant must've happened for her to suddenly be busy enough not to be on her phone at all for the rest of the day right?
    Yes. It's remarkable how many things can occur outside of a phone screen that might take priority over a text message from a total stranger.

    I get that the magic was broken for you, but such is life outside of your own head.

    Reality rarely stands up to fantasy. You can roll with that and adopt some resiliency, or you can make your world very small.

    It's your decision.

  8. #57
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    My impression is that you're not overly impressed with this woman physically or with regard to her communication skills.

    I'm afraid it won't improve, this is her communication style. If you are getting upset this early on by her behavior, cut your losses and cancel the date. Many other women out there WOULD reply to to before going to bed.

    This woman is not for you. Best also not to date co-workers.

  9. #58
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    Originally Posted by LoreliFinn
    Many other women out there WOULD reply to to before going to bed.
    Yes, Eliza50 and I are two examples :-). There are lots more of us out there, so cancel the date and find one of them instead.

  10. #59
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    He texted her at 5pm she responded at 7am and he holds the total of 14 hours against her

  11. #60
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Was the text she took too long to respond to the one of you suggesting going out or to firm up the plans? Seems like there is already a mismatch in communication styles. Maybe don't force it and let it go since there was so-so interest to begin with.
    yes, the conversation was in setting up the plans and to confirm it when suddenly it just abruptly ended on her part.

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