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Thread: I lost interest before the 1st date, should I keep my promise and at least go?

  1. #41
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    OP, you titled this thread with "lost interest." What is the point of this date if you have lost interest?
    as i mentioned, i try to do what i say im gonna do so i made that date with her, i intended to keep it despite my personal feelings towards wanting to or not.

    My sense is you haven't actually lost interest, but are hoping she does something to "prove" herself to you, because your ego took a kicking when she didn't reply until morning.
    I wasn't drawn to her looks(as i've mentioned we'd been coworkers and nothing about her stood out for me physically, looks wise she's average, i never gave her a second thought until recently when we happened to interact during lunchtime) it was her personality that i was drawn to and made me want to pursue something more. Since the reason for attraction went down the tube so has my interest. i'm not hoping at all, i would have to care for that hope to be there, i honestly dont care anymore. im not saying it lightly when i say i cut out bs, especially from people who are not part of my life in a meaningful way. i have no problems walking away from people at all, based on my past experience its better than putting up with the bs to somehow get something out of it. im just sitting back and seeing if she does make up for that disrespect, if not oh well if she does, great we can start over. however i've decided to cancel anyway based on what people have been saying around here.

  2. #42
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    "I lost interest before the 1st date"

    ^^^ this is your answer - plain and simple. If your heart is not in it, don't force yourself. You are not obligated to go. If you do, you will more likely give off negative vibes. That will serve no purpose for either one of you.

    Simple, right?

  3. #43
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    "I lost interest before the 1st date"

    ^^^ this is your answer - plain and simple. If your heart is not in it, don't force yourself. You are not obligated to go. If you do, you will more likely give off negative vibes. That will serve no purpose for either one of you.

    Simple, right?
    yes, you're right, my conscious thought of trying to be a person with integrity and doing what i say i'm gonna do is what causing me to decide to just go on the date and after that going our separate ways, but after reading a few responses, i believe it is actually better to just be honest with her and cancel rather than go on that date and giving her a false impression of it.

  4. #44
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stuka80
    This is the course of action i'm planning on taking. I agree with unread message being better than read, however as i mentioned the circumstances was what didnt sit well with me. She had been on her phone and DELIBERATELY didn't read my message was it to deliberately keep me waiting?
    How exactly do know this to be fact?
    Serious question
    Is it possible she was on a date and it would have been rude to respond to you in the middle of it? Or on a zoom call, or talking to someone else.
    Just let it go. At this point you seem to just be shyt testing her. You referred to online articles about gauging attraction by their response.
    This seems to be sending you down the wrong path. You aren't being open minded nor flexible which is required when you date
    If I were her and found out you got this twisted over the prompt response you felt entitled to, I'd pass.
    Your entitled to your standards, but I doubt they'll serve you well.

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  6. #45
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You know for a fact she looked at her phone and deliberately chose to ignore your message? How do you know this?

    And, you've concluded she's "playing games" or "testing" you. Again, how do you know this?

    "I can't believe she didn't look at her phone" isn't concrete proof.

    However, seeing as you've arrived at these conclusions and believe them to be true is an indicator that going on the date would be pointless. She is not going to strongly indicate "romantic interest" on a first date! That would make no sense.

    So yeah, your decision to cancel the date is the right one IMO.

  7. #46
    Platinum Member milly007's Avatar
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    I wouldn’t bother going on the date.

    If you’ve lost interest, why waste her & your time?

    You don’t think it’s fair that she took some time to respond to your texts, & I think it would be equally unfair for you to attend a date that you have no interest in attending.

    Would you want someone to go out with you even though they’re not interested because they feel obligated?

    I know I wouldn’t.

  8. #47
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    How exactly do know this to be fact?
    Serious question
    i dont, im just going by my assumption of what happened since no explanation was given. but that was a bad first impression to leave me hanging in the middle of a conversation without an explanation.

    i'll leave this quote that i wrote down in the previous responses, maybe it'll help you guys understand where i'm comming from if you didn't read it already.

    IF we had not texted each other for some hours, then i send a random text and she didn't reply or even look at it for 14 hours I would completely understand and wouldn't cause an issue. Its pretty understandable why she didn't respond for 14 hours. She wasn't expecting a text at the time so didn't check her phone, perfectly reasonable conclusion, one i would completely understand.

    HOWEVER we had already exchanged a few texts back and forth at that moment when the reply or even viewing the message suddenly stopped. Something significant must've happened for her to suddenly be busy enough not to be on her phone at all for the rest of the day right? Thats what my train of thought was at least. after 14 hours i started thinking that maybe there is some kind of issue going on or god forbid she got hurt(not because im arrogantly thinking she would respond to me instantly, but because the situation overall just seemed off, who suddenly stops responding in that type of situation unless the person just doesnt care enough to or is playing games) but the next day, as i was expecting her to tell me something crazy had happened she just said sorry and followed up with a joke....ok... i'll have to just make assumptions.
    Too many women out there who wouldn't pull this type of stunt before a first date. i'll go with my intinct and wont waste my time as well as hers.

  9. #48
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stuka80
    i dont, but that was a bad first impression to leave me hanging in the middle of a conversation without an explanation, so i'll come to my own conclusions.
    Sounds like you are in this relationship alone, anyway.

  10. #49
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by stuka80
    Too many women out there who wouldn't pull this type of stunt before a first date.
    This is true. I never leave messages unanswered, especially not from someone I am interested in. If I can't respond for some reason, I always make sure I tell the other person what happened...not in detail if I don't know them very well but, at least, a general idea.

    There are people like us in the world :)

  11. #50
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    This is true. I never leave messages unanswered, especially not from someone I am interested in. If I can't respond for some reason, I always make sure I tell the other person what happened
    Exactly, she had no time at all to even send me a quick response saying "hey something came up talk later"? too many women out there for me to be making excuses for her as to why she left me hanging like that.

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