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Thread: I lost interest before the 1st date, should I keep my promise and at least go?

  1. #21
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I think you should at least give her a second chance. Cut her some slack. Not everyone is chained to their phone 24 / 7 and replies at the snap of your fingers. Go on a second date and have a discussion regarding how you felt about not hearing from her for 14 hours. Tell her you were worried which sounds better than whining that you were ignored.

    Here's a tip: From now on don't over do it with relentless electronic communication (text, voice mails, emails, messages, etc). Some people don't like it and only use their phones and PC sporadically. Constant 24 / 7 correspondence becomes a burden for many because there's never a break. Learn to give people space because it's mentally healthy.

    Don't be so impatient and demanding because it's a turn off and quite disdainful. Be an easy going person to get along with. Be flexible. If you're so strict about instantaneous responses, you will push people away.

    If you don't agree with me, then do her a favor and tell her you are canceling the second date with her. Don't make excuses. Keep your cancellation brief and polite; no more no less. Don't mention "cut your losses and just go our separate ways" because it sounds terse. Be tactful, gracious and kind when you part ways. Let her know that you wish to cancel the second date, there is no rescheduling and thank her for the first date. Keep your statement simple, to the point and brief. Don't drag this out and be done with it.
    We actually dont text that much because we see each other at work and not even that much since we work in different floors, we'll only run into each other for maybe 5 min here and there and not even every day. I fully agree with you on limiting chat time through text but not in the way that she did it that caused this whole issue. Another thing is, normally i would never date with someone at work but she is an intern for 1 year only and will move on after that, so i felt it was ok. I dont expect instant replies and im perfectly fine with a response that takes hours, what my issue was i felt she purpousely ignored my text. The chat app we use shows whether the person has read your text or not, and it showed she didn't even look at the text for 14 hours while being at home. Meaning she was on her phone but purpously didn't click on my message so that it wouldn't show as "read"

    yes if i do end up cancelling i wont make up some excuse and will just tell her something like "on reconsidering i think its best we just stay the way we are currently" something like that, thanks for the reply.
    Last edited by stuka80; 05-30-2020 at 03:45 AM.

  2. #22
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I have a different opinion to the other posters. I think that when someone shows you early on what kind of people they are....believe it. You owe her nothing. Cancel the date and look for someone who respects you. Also, no need to apologise for wanting to date someone who (shock and horror!) responds to your messages in time or offers a sincere apology when they can't.
    thats exactly my viewpoint. i would've at least told her why i just stopped responding in the middle of the conversation, that would've been the considerate thing to do. just be straightforward with someone. this is severly lacking in the dating world. how many articles and videos are online regarding how long of a wait you should text or call the person to keep them waiting. i dont have the patience to play these games, and thats what i believe she did with me thats why it really killed my attraction towards her.

  3. #23
    Gold Member stuka80's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Spawn
    i wouldn't cancel the date, go for it have fun.
    what ever you experienced with the message thing leave it for now, may be she was really busy or was doing some chores you never know.
    First thing in life don't assume things always talk to the person involved and definitely don't message and ask, usually we come to know that reality is something else.
    I think it would be worse if i bring up why she took so long to respond., i will definitely enjoy myself if we do end up going, as friends.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I have a different opinion to the other posters. I think that when someone shows you early on what kind of people they are....believe it. You owe her nothing. Cancel the date and look for someone who respects you. Also, no need to apologise for wanting to date someone who (shock and horror!) responds to your messages in time or offers a sincere apology when they can't.
    I agree with this. There's no reason why you'd take so long to reply if you're actually keen on giving a good impression of yourself. As her actions have already left a bad taste in your mouth I don't see the point of bothering to go on a date which would be a waste of your time and hers. Yes, some people take ages to reply and others are OK with that, but others do not do that. If you see it as disrespectful you have the right to make the choice for yourself that you'd rather date someone else and you don't need to give an explanation, just as she didn't give one for not replying.

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    If you're not interested, don't go. That sends a mixed signal.

    Obligation or not, you're not interested. It's a waste of time for both of you.

  7. #26
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    OP, you titled this thread with "lost interest." What is the point of this date if you have lost interest?

    My sense is you haven't actually lost interest, but are hoping she does something to "prove" herself to you, because your ego took a kicking when she didn't reply until morning.

  8. #27
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    You have already decided that you are not interested. You have a right to that.
    She also has a right to know that.
    At this point there is a date made. She still intends on going. But she probably wouldnít go if she knew it was not a date but you basically turning up just because you said you would at some point!?

    You have made a LOT of assumptions about her!! With no evidence to back it up.
    Apparently you know where she was from 5pm until 7am and you also know that she would have been on her phone.
    And only after a week of chatting???

    She DID apologise for the late reply and no she did NOT have to give reason why.

    For all you know she possibly was on her phone all night but no you were not priority. And do you not think that there might have been a viable reason for that??? A family member unwell etc? And something she doesnít want to share with someone she hasnít even been on a date with??

    Would you rather she concoct some bs story as to why she hasnít got back sooner?

    You are the one playing games here.
    You have said if she became suggestive of more than friends in your supposed good guy sympathy date then you might reconsider!???

    I think she deserves better than that. And I think she deserves for you to reveal your current opinion of her so that she can choose to cancel the date .

    With that said , my advice would be to tell her how pissed off you were that she took 14 hrs to respond to a text . Tell her you donít appreciate it. That you have now lost interest but that you are still willing to honour your word and turn up for the date but only to tell her you are not interested unless she comes on strong romantically.

    You are too high maintenance .

  9. #28
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    I can see why you think sheís playing games with the late response but you wonít know anything until you actually go on the date. I think itís worth checking out, I just suggest you go not to reject but go with an open mind and heart. You may be pleasantly surprised. I mean thereís that off chance she couldnít get back to you right away. Also if the messages showed unread thatís better then showing read and no response.

  10. #29
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    Since you are already convinced that she was playing mind games with you and lost interest in her, I would cancel the date. I won't consider it flaking if you have a good reason and let her know well in advance. Tell her as soon as possible so she can make other arrangements.

    The alternative (still going on the date but act platonic) sounds disingenuous and just a waste of her time. At least you should let her know that you see this (lunch? coffee? whatever activities) as just friends hanging out. She might as well decide she's not interested in that case.

    Approaching the date with a "I don't care if she's put off, I'm done, but if she makes a move things might change." attitude is counterproductive. If she makes a move during the date and starts chasing you will it change your opinion about her "playing mind games"? If so, it sounds contradictory to your high standards. And chance is, a woman who will tolerate your hot and cold behavior and fall to this push-pull dynamic is likely one that is capable of playing mind games. Yes, going on a "date" with no romantic intentions just waiting to see what the other has to offer sounds like playing mind games to me too.

  11. #30
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    You have no evidence she was playing hard to get. She could have had a migraine or the stomach flu and being on her phone would've been the last thing she wanted to do. She could have had a friend come over with a serious problem, and spent hours getting her friend through something, and then dropped into bed, emotionally exhausted. Those are reasons she wouldn't want to burden you with, and that would've been okay. If it were me, I would've gone on to date her and have a wait and see attitude to see what her patterns were, instead of making assumptions and rejecting her outright.

    I met my husband on OLD, and before meeting him, had made a few assumptions about him, knowing they could be wrong, and decided to meet him. It's a good thing I did, because my assumptions were only that and not reality. I wouldn't have the happy life I do now with my wonderful lifetime partner if I had rejected him because of false assumptions I'd made.

    If you can't go on the date without anger and aloofness, speaking as a woman, if I knew what was going on in your mind, I'd rather you cancel the date. You think it's more ethical not to flake. It's not. Don't waste her time. Let her know by a phone call or in person that for personal reasons, you find it best not to date right now.

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