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Thread: Is my behavior inappropriate?

  1. #1

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    Is my behavior inappropriate?

    I am Male and married and I love my wife.
    A couple months ago a girl was hired in a different department. Our departments work closely together so we see each other frequently. We started out talking on the phone about work but now we talk on the phone almost everyday for 30 minutes to an hours and not too much about work anymore, just conversation. We have been out to drinks with coworkers before and have hung out at the office after work just chatting a few times. The other day we got off early so we went for a late lunch and lost track of time and were there for 5 hours.
    It really bothered my wife i was there with her for so long and because of this she found out we had been talking on the phone a lot. Is my behavior inappropriate even though I only view this girl as a friend?

  2. #2
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    Yep. You are developing an intimate, emotional relationship with another women. Time, feelings, effort and thoughts that should be going toward your wife and your marriage are being misdirected. Your behavior is endangering your marriage and it is wrong.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I don't know. When's the last time you had a guy friend you talked on the phone for 30 minutes everyday with and caught yourself lost in time on a 5-hour lunch date? I'd be honest with yourself and save face with your wife sooner than later.

    Are you actually the guy or are you the wife in this situation?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Yes, it's inappropriate especially if this "girl" reports to you.

    I'd look back at your marriage and ask yourself why you feel this friendship has been vital or important. There's something lacking in your marriage. That happens. Sometimes the spark is lost or there's a very long lull in routines and you stop looking at your spouse a certain way. Not all marriages survive and that is fine. Just don't sink so low and use third parties as a crutch. Do the hard work and ask yourself whether you're happy married to your spouse.

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  6. #5
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    I am curious as to why you did not share all of this with your wife, if everything was so innocent ?
    Last edited by Hollyj; 05-29-2020 at 11:59 AM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Inappropriate with regard to sexual harassment or inching toward cheating on your wife?
    Originally Posted by TMurphy
    A couple months ago a girl was hired in a different department. The other day we got off early so we went for a late lunch and lost track of time and were there for 5 hours. It really bothered my wife i was there with her for so long and because of this she found out we had been talking on the phone a lot.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    A female RN nurse tried to do the same thing with my husband (who is an ultrasound tech). It did not sit very well with me at all. We had a very serious discussion and he had to limit his contact with her.

    She was lonely, single and came to a city with no friends and family... she just happened to find someone (my husband) who had common interest. She came forward and sincerely apologized to me, and were good. They only talk like acquaintances now and go to social settings in groups of which I get invited to (I dont always go because we have a kid).

    Boundaries have been crossed and its becoming an onset of an emotional affair. Do NOT socialize with her alone. Be with a group because like others said... she can hold a grudge and try twisting things around on you.

  9. #8

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    So you think I may have developed feelings for this girl even though I just view her as a friend?

    And actually I don't really talk to anyone else very often, my parents maybe. I do not have many friends, I dont usually socialize a lot. Usually just work and with my wife.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter what you view her as. Your wife doesn't like it and it's causing issues between the both of you. It's best looking at why you feel you need to persist despite it causing problems in your marriage. Maybe rethink your priorities?

  11. #10
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    If this coworker is nothing more than a friend, how would you feel about introducing her to your wife?
    Serious question.

    After all we can assume your wife knows most, if not all of your other friends.
    I'll guess you have more contact with this woman than you have with your other friends.

    Invite her over for dinner to meet your wife.
    If the thought of that makes you balk. . then you know your answer.

    Is your level of contact innappropriate? It is if it's disrupting your marriage.

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