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Thread: Is my behavior inappropriate?

  1. #11
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    I always tell people to flip the situation. If your wife developed this kind of relationship with a male coworker, would it bother you? Be honest.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by TMurphy
    And actually I don't really talk to anyone else very often, my parents maybe. I do not have many friends, I dont usually socialize a lot. Usually just work and with my wife.
    Well, maybe you need to expand your social circle and activities, but that doesn't mean you find a single woman to spend hours with. Join a club, volunteer, do something worthwhile and make friends of all kinds. Spending time alone with another woman is called starting an affair. You seem incredibly unaware of your life and your behaviors. Maybe you should do some thinking and reading. And maybe you and your wife should work on your marriage.

  3. #13
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    Without a doubt - YES! You have developed an emotional relationship with this woman. You may regard her as a friend but boundaries have been crossed. You must be aware of that, right? A 5-hour lunch? Really? What comes next? Can't say I blame your wife. Another question: have you ever thought that this woman may, at some point, accuse you of sexual harassment? Come on, dude, this is the workplace. You should maintain professionalism. What you've involved with is not professional.

    You are married therefore, you are sending the wrong signals to this woman with your long, non work-related, conversations, and the lunch. Lastly, if it bothers your wife, respect how she feels and limit your conversations to work topics only.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    flip the script....

    Your wife has a male colleague that she speaks to at length with daily. Today, you come home to find, she had a leisurely 5 hour lunch with this man, while you assumed she was working....

    If that doesn't bother you, your problems are much bigger than you know.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by TMurphy
    It really bothered my wife i was there with her for so long and because of this she found out we had been talking on the phone a lot.
    How did you manage to keep your wife unaware of the fact that you were talking to your coworker every day for 30-60 minutes?

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter. People will notice at work and mark you for a lecherous skirt chaser. Omitting the truth is lying to your wife including "just out with coworkers", "on the phone with work people", etc.

    Make friends outside of work. Don't pick on new women at work who may think you are being a mentor, etc. or worse, think some married guy is hitting on them. The 'thought we were just friends' excuse won't fly if she gets uncomfortable and reports this.

    Even if she casually mentions to another coworker that she thinks you are hitting on her, you could be in trouble.
    Originally Posted by TMurphy
    So you think I may have developed feelings for this girl even though I just view her as a friend?

    And actually I don't really talk to anyone else very often, my parents maybe. I do not have many friends
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 05-29-2020 at 03:07 PM.

  8. #17
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    If you have to ask if your behavior is inappropriate, it is.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Read some articles on emotional affairs. Even if you're not envisioning being intimate with this woman, male/female friendships like this are not often accepted by a spouse. Your spouse is reasonable and doesn't like it. She is, or should be, your priority. You need to tell your co-worker that you've made a mistake and made your wife uncomfortable by communicating daily on the phone and eating lunch together, and so you will have to delete each other's numbers. Yes, it's an awkward conversation, but things will eventually go back to normal, and otherwise, if you don't have that talk, your marriage is at risk of ending.

    My husband and I have relationship rules, and you should, too. Yes, I chat with male co-workers, and some are Facebook friends. I've eaten lunch with one or two of them as a matter of just tagging along, but have never regularly eaten with any of them, nor do I exchange phone numbers with them, with the exception of two who are gay and they are also group friends of my husband. I know what boundaries to keep and expect the same from my husband. When you start treating one co-worker of the opposite gender a lot more differently than all the other co-workers, it's a sign you're in an emotional affair. Start pouring that emotional energy into your spouse, because even if you think you're happy, it sounds like an extra spark is needed to water that dying plant.

  10. #19

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    So I have to come clean, the scenario I told in my original post was actually about my wife. I made it about me so that people did feel biased to just say she was wrong. I wanted to get honest criticism to get honest opinions. The issue was I couldn't get my wife to understand what she was doing was wrong. We had a pretty lengthy blowout a while ago after letting her read everyone's response and she now understands and I believeshe feels true remorse. I really want to thank everyone for helping me through this. I believe we can start to rebuild now, thinking we probably want to seek some professional guidance through this to make our marriage stronger as we rebuild.

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by goddess
    Without a doubt - YES! You have developed an emotional relationship with this woman. You may regard her as a friend but boundaries have been crossed. You must be aware of that, right? A 5-hour lunch? Really? What comes next? Can't say I blame your wife. Another question: have you ever thought that this woman may, at some point, accuse you of sexual harassment? Come on, dude, this is the workplace. You should maintain professionalism. What you've involved with is not professional.

    You are married therefore, you are sending the wrong signals to this woman with your long, non work-related, conversations, and the lunch. Lastly, if it bothers your wife, respect how she feels and limit your conversations to work topics only.
    DURING work hours only, if absolutely necessary for work-related issues. Got it?

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