Do I ask where the direction of us is going or leave it up to him?

(24F) (33M) So this guy and I first started talking in February this year. We probably see each other once a week or unfortunately once every 2 weeks with his work. He told me he is looking for something serious and wants to settle down. We both say we enjoy each others company but we haven't spoken about our feelings towards each other/direction of where this is going.

He mentioned last night him and his University friends might be going on a little vacation (in the state) next week and since he didn't ask me to join (obviously, fine). It made me really think. I need to maybe set some boundaries with him?

We're both quite the anxious/nervous type. I'm seeing him today.

Do you think I should ask or leave it up to him?

Are you exclusive with him? I think actions speak louder than words and you probably already know what direction it’s going...if you had to guess what would you say his goal with you is?

Depending on the answer you come up with I’m personally a believer of getting vulnerable and saying honestly and openly how *I* feel about somebody/what I want before I ask them what their thoughts are. Seems to open people up and put them at ease when I go first, and they feel less like they’re being put on the spot?

I’m sure you will get some really good advice and I wish you the best of luck!

Are you exclusive with him? I think actions speak louder than words and you probably already know what direction it’s going...if you had to guess what would you say his goal with you is?

 

Depending on the answer you come up with I’m personally a believer of getting vulnerable and saying honestly and openly how *I* feel about somebody/what I want before I ask them what their thoughts are. Seems to open people up and put them at ease when I go first, and they feel less like they’re being put on the spot?

 

I’m sure you will get some really good advice and I wish you the best of luck!

Thank you!

I'm not sure what is the source of your anxiety. Are you afraid of him sleeping with someone while on vacation with his buddies?

Maybe work through the source of what you're feeling. You may have good intentions overall but now might not be a good time.

You can make a conscious choice to be secure, rather than mistrustful while he goes on vacation.

4 months of dating is enough time for someone to know what they want and if you want different things, you should know so you can decide what to do. Yes, ask him.

Is this the guy who insults you degrades you and wants a BDSM thing with no strings attached?

This is the guy you posted about before that you don’t even like!???

And he has used you during covid to have sex when you actually are meant to be social distancing?

He hates women like you! Is disgusted by women that have sex and enjoy it. Will happily use you for it and degrade you for it and will eventually marry a virgin.

Btw there is nothing wrong with you. Except that you have allowed him to be hypocritical. Why?

What kind of boundaries do you have in mind? You've already said that he insults you, and you put up with that.

IMO, my 'boundaries' would have started a long time ago--I'd have ditched him.

I didn't read your other thread, but your poor self esteem is so obvious when you'd let a man lead how things go without any input from yourself. When you lack self love, you will attract bullies, abusers, and manipulators, apparently what your former post speaks of.

In an average relationship, by the four month mark, I think most couples would be meeting at least a few times per week. If a person works such extreme hours that you sometimes only see them a few time a month, why choose a companionship this measly when you're not even in love yet? If you'd like a bf who actually has time for you, only date guys who can provide this.

Be alone and work on your self esteem before attempting dating again. You'll know you're ready when you can think: I'm the treasure, and if a guy doesn't treat me like one, he won't remain in my life.

I didn't read your other thread, but your poor self esteem is so obvious when you'd let a man lead how things go without any input from yourself. When you lack self love, you will attract bullies, abusers, and manipulators, apparently what your former post speaks of.

 

In an average relationship, by the four month mark, I think most couples would be meeting at least a few times per week. If a person works such extreme hours that you sometimes only see them a few time a month, why choose a companionship this measly when you're not even in love yet? If you'd like a bf who actually has time for you, only date guys who can provide this.

 

Be alone and work on your self esteem before attempting dating again. You'll know you're ready when you can think: I'm the treasure, and if a guy doesn't treat me like one, he won't remain in my life.

I feel like its common for people to somehow justify a crap relationship or crap person, blaming themselves. Thoughts of, 'if I were better, this person would be better to me'

And its simply not true.. how a person is to you, is how they are.

This guy is a poop show, but OP doesn't want to be alone. Which is understandable. Humans need other humans... but time spent with the wrong guy or gal, is time that could be better spent being open to finding new, fun, happy people that actually give a flip and ASK WHAT WE WANT, FEEL, THINK, LIKE ETC.