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Thread: Struggling chapter 2 lol

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Destroyed 33
    Yes for sure. I crusified my self for the both of us I guess.

    A: so she didn’t get hurt or feel rejected

    B: so I did not have to deal with this extreme pain I am currently in

    Easier just to get pissed, let it go, do it again tomorrow.

    You are correct and although I knew it, I hid from it.

    But I was right also. This pain is 10x worse than I expected!
    Right.

    I'm sorry. I know it hurts. But! there is a good lesson in here... had you put your foot down and not tolerated her bad behavior, the relationship may have ended sooner and you would have not been as invested as you are now, hence less pain.

    Loving yourself enough. Recognizing "I try to do the right things, therefore, I deserve to be with someone that ALSO does the right things, is the right thing all the way around"

    When you stop tolerating and challenge the person to do better by you, you get one of two things:

    1. they step up and treat you better

    2. they go away and you find better

    So the work you need to focus on is to value yourself and what you have to offer. You deserve better.

    Its hard and it takes courage to set and keep boundaries, but they save you from the pain you're in right now.

    It is easier to stay strong, than it is to get strong. In time, you will heal. Wirk on your confidence and when you're feeling better, you'll meet someone else. recognize broken people and stay away from them.... You can't fix anyone.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Google codependence. People who stay in bad relationships and have a really hard time letting relationships go have this issue, which in a nutshell is an unhealthy attachment style driven by any number of personal factors.

    Consider also that going out of your way to be extra nice to strangers isn't so noble, but really quite fake and disingenuous. Food for thought.

  3. #13
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    She’s loading up her car!!!! Is this a big mistake! My heart is being ripped in two!!!! My dog is watching out the window wondering what’s going on!!! What am doing!!!

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Destroyed 33
    She’s loading up her car!!!! Is this a big mistake! My heart is being ripped in two!!!! My dog is watching out the window wondering what’s going on!!! What am doing!!!
    Oh come on. Do you really want to be slapped in the face more? Ending what isn't and was never right is NOT a mistake, it's the only right course of action. Your pride yourself so much on doing what's right even if it's not easy - well this IS what's right. Stop watching her and maybe step out for a bit so you aren't working yourself into a lather.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Oh come on. Do you really want to be slapped in the face more? Ending what isn't and was never right is NOT a mistake, it's the only right course of action. Your pride yourself so much on doing what's right even if it's not easy - well this IS what's right. Stop watching her and maybe step out for a bit so you aren't working yourself into a lather.
    Yeah I left. Was too hard to be there. I’m so emotionally messed up.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Destroyed 33
    Yeah I left. Was too hard to be there. I’m so emotionally messed up.
    You aren't really though. Do yourself a favor and look up codependence - it will help you a lot to sort yourself and your emotions out. Maybe answer some questions on why you feel this way and that you aren't alone and that there are ways to deal, help yourself, most importantly help balance yourself better in the future in terms of choosing romantic partners. It's called learning to let go because...well....everyone has to learn that and once you go through that learning, it won't be so hard next time. Plus it helps you make better choices at large.

    Also, rather than fixating on her, focus on pretty much anything else right now. Walking and playing with your dog, call a friend, do something you like, laugh at something. Diffuse that tension and fear with other thoughts and yes, that means you have to force your brain a bit - exercise your willpower for your benefit. It may only last a few seconds, but it's important to interrupt negative spiral thinking. The more you interrupt it, the easier it gets and the less you'll spiral. Again, I know it's not easy, but just do it.

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    You aren't really though. Do yourself a favor and look up codependence - it will help you a lot to sort yourself and your emotions out. Maybe answer some questions on why you feel this way and that you aren't alone and that there are ways to deal, help yourself, most importantly help balance yourself better in the future in terms of choosing romantic partners. It's called learning to let go because...well....everyone has to learn that and once you go through that learning, it won't be so hard next time. Plus it helps you make better choices at large.


    Also, rather than fixating on her, focus on pretty much anything else right now. Walking and playing with your dog, call a friend, do something you like, laugh at something. Diffuse that tension and fear with other thoughts and yes, that means you have to force your brain a bit - exercise your willpower for your benefit. It may only last a few seconds, but it's important to interrupt negative spiral thinking. The more you interrupt it, the easier it gets and the less you'll spiral. Again, I know it's not easy, but just do it.
    Thank you again. It ain’t my first rodeo so at least I know what to expect. I am trying, very hard.

  9. #18
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    Man that was hard watching her load her car. Almost caved. Wow. Amazing how twisted your thoughts can get.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Destroyed 33
    Man that was hard watching her load her car. Almost caved. Wow. Amazing how twisted your thoughts can get.
    one of the things that always helps me, is to not put so much pressure on any one thing... she didnt die. In time things won't sting so bad. Its ok to take a step back and just observe. knee jerk reactions, responding in tense moments usually highlights one's fears, not one's hopes.

    Hope she heals. Hope you heal. Hope you both end up better for having known each other and the rest will take care of itself.

    Now would be good time for you to be good to yourself... maybe get some ice cream

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    one of the things that always helps me, is to not put so much pressure on any one thing... she didnt die. In time things won't sting so bad. Its ok to take a step back and just observe. knee jerk reactions, responding in tense moments usually highlights one's fears, not one's hopes.

    Hope she heals. Hope you heal. Hope you both end up better for having known each other and the rest will take care of itself.

    Now would be good time for you to be good to yourself... maybe get some ice cream
    I appreciate it but I’m lucky to force down a granola bar and protein drink per day. Sever depression right now and I got a tough climb out of this hole. Time...

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