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Thread: Playing gooseberry to my boyfriend and my female best friend

  1. #1

    Playing gooseberry to my boyfriend and my female best friend

    I came here as I have concerns about interactions between my boyfriend and my female best friend that exclude me. They aren't hanging out in person but it's very new so could lead to that. They have been playing online Xbox with their headsets on recently - meaning it's a two way conversation between them and I am excluded. Just yesterday she was on the phone and when I said my partner would be online in a few minutes she was quick to end the call so they could chat. We had only been chat 5 mins or so ourselves at that point. I literally could have put her on speaker so we could chat three-way but she chose to leave the call. They are friends on SnapChat and talk a bit even though he deleted me on their some time ago for some unknown reason. I'd feel less weird and not excluded if it were a female friend of his but it feels wrong because she is my best friend and doesn't know him that well anyways. I feel like a gooseberry when they're chatting for an hour or more at a time. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Silver Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    They are intentionally excluding you. Is this something that good friends and boyfriends do? Do you need relations like this or should you dump them both and go find higher-quality people with which to associate?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear this. How long have you been dating? Hard to know whether to dump him, her or both, right? They sound like insensitive snakes.
    Originally Posted by Daydreamer07
    I literally could have put her on speaker so we could chat three-way but she chose to leave the call. They are friends on SnapChat and talk a bit even though he deleted me on their some time ago for some unknown reason. I feel like a gooseberry when they're chatting for an hour or more at a time.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    A real friend doesn't hang up on you to go chat with your bf for an hour....or spend hours chatting with your bf at all.

    Also, it doesn't matter if his female friend or yours, you shouldn't be excluded like that ever.

    I'd step out of this game and let them have each other. How long you've been friends doesn't even matter here. When a friend is stabbing you in the back, they aren't being a friend and need to get out of your life permanently. I'd boot them both.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    I would have to say something.... to both of them. To purposely exclude you like this is not nice, not friendship and not love. I would have to say, very clearly, I do not like the way they are treating me and if this continues, I am dumping them both!

  7. #6
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    It looks like he's being deceitful and/or possibly cheating directly under your nose. I'd let them continue to play in their sandbox, while you walk away with your head held high.

    Keep in mind that as long as you tolerate his shenanigans, he'll go on to find better ways to cover his tracks.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    If he really was cheating on you, what an obvious way to go about it. I think it's more likely they enjoy each others' company too much without caring what you think and are both addicted to video games. Is that your thing at all? Do you play also?

    If not, I'd probably base the end of the relationship more on difference in lifestyle and hobbies. It doesn't sound all that hot to have a boyfriend disappear for hours playing video games and taking calls from other ladies to live his best life on screen if you're not into the same thing.

  9. #8
    Join Date
    Sep 2019
    My Bestfriend did something similar to me once. She would send personal messages and calls to my boyfriend to wish him merry christmas, happy for new years and little things etc.
    And she didn't know him before me.
    I told her that even if she didn't hit on him, I didn't want her to have a personal relationship ,even friendship with him. That she could be very cordial with him but as far as friendship, she needed to look else where. There are plenty of other guys in the world.
    You know what? I never had to repeat myself to her. She understood, she was even a bit embarassed and stopped. That's what a real Bestfriend do.
    Talk to your girlfriend first.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    How new is this relationship??

    At this point , do you feel your bf has more in common with your friend than you?
    Does that make you question your relationship with him?

    If he enjoys playing games online and you donít , what do you enjoy doing that he doesnít?
    When you told your friend that your bf is going to be online in a few mins , what was your reason for telling her that?
    Meaning you had time to chat with her?

    Why were you chatting with your friend during time supposed to be with your bf? And why was he going online when he is supposed to be spending time with you?

    Not much of this makes sense to me?
    Please clarify?

  11. #10
    @Billie28 We have been together 3 and half years. It kind of does feel like they have more in common to be honest but I didn't feel so disconnected from him before lockdown. We had common interests. But it feels like we are more distant than ever now we are spending every day together. It would be nice to explore hobbies from home but he doesn't seem all that interest in letting me game with him and all we do at the moment is watch TV. We are both working from home in separate rooms so I guess maybe I feel like whilst we are home together all the time, we don't really have any "quality" time as every day is the same. We bicker a lot too. No I told her he was going online in a few mins because he asked me to as they had arranged to game together. I didn't expect that she would choose to end the call with me to speak with him though and I didn't expect to be sidelined by him either. And it wasn't time we were supposed to be spending together. I would usually watch the soaps for a bit, then he would game for a bit. Then we would watch TV together for a bit. So neither of us were really deserting the other. But I suppose it just didn't seem appropriate that my best friend and my boyfriend should be calling like that. I may be overreacting but as I say, he has her on SnapChat but not me and refuses the idea. It feels like he's sought her out to be honest. And I do not normally live with him - we decided I would stay because of lockdown. I know if i hadn't he wouldn't even give me 20 mins a day on the phone let alone hour and half so as jealous as it sounds, yes I fear he enjoys chatting with her more and it might eventually lead to him spending time with her in real life.

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