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Thread: I'm too sensitive

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    yes, good point consider the source and motive.
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    Try to look at it from a logical point of view without reacting. Did the other person have a point? Were you being selfish or can you be?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Most people don't like confrontation. And we all can be emotional at times. It can be overwhelming at times and hard to control all the time, but it's definitely in your best interest to learn to control them sometimes. For people who are able to control their emotions, it can feel a bit manipulative to be involved with people that can't.

    Like somehow because the other person is more emotional, angry, irrational, upset, however you want to describe it... That person is more hurt, more invested etc. we can all be selfish and emotional, it's on us to control it, to have productive conversations and to deal with conflicts effectively. It also can cause people to pull back from just because it's so much work and so draining to deal with overly emotional people.

    Can you tell I've got some draining, emotional people in my life? 😄 I love them but I keep them at arms length.... Life gets hard and it on you to owe your crap. Now, if you are accused of something you are not, then that's another story. stop looking for validation from others and validate yourself, based on your own values. Respect yourself, respect others.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    For people who are able to control their emotions, it can feel a bit manipulative to be involved with people that can't.

    Like somehow because the other person is more emotional, angry, irrational, upset, however you want to describe it... That person is more hurt, more invested etc. we can all be selfish and emotional, it's on us to control it, to have productive conversations and to deal with conflicts effectively. It also can cause people to pull back from just because it's so much work and so draining to deal with overly emotional people.
    100% agree.

    Also 100% tired of covering for people who can't pull themselves together (speaking also in the professional sense regarding work, not just personal or general).

  4. #14
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    As a sensitive person myself I can testify that itís a blessing and a curse.

    My daughter was once beating herself up for being very emotional and from out of nowhere I thought of this analogy: In the realm of scientific instruments, the most expensive devices are always the most sensitive ones. They pick up more information than other less sensitive instruments. This information can be extremely useful! She liked that.

    But these tools must also be handled with care because they can be delicate, or thrown out of adjustment if not handled properly.

    Not everyone is sensitive and appreciates the added information you are aware of...not everyone uses precision tools like you have so they simply arenít aware that these tools require special care; itís not that they donít care about you, itís that they simply donít have a need to maintain specialized equipment so they canít understand why you canít just go banging around with your oscilloscope as if it were a hammer or a maglite flashlight.

    The trick is knowing itís up to us to be able to reap the benefits of sensitivity by learning to carry ourselves in a manner that protects the equipment without forcing everyone around us to walk on eggshells. We donít ask bricklayers to care for the lab microscope, no?

    So daily calibration helps me...I like to do a reading that resonates with me on a deep level each morning and then meditate for 10-20 min. Knowing when to keep my emotional array folded up and go into ďbusiness onlyĒ mode (you will never see me cry talking to a mechanic for example) is very helpful too. In other words I am learning how to give people just enough of me, and not to make them uncomfortable by opening up more than they can stomach...but I have that depth if and when it will be helpful...

    Making a deal with my heart to ďfeel it fully later on.Ē When something really gets to me I will think to myself ďheart, we canít do this right now. Tonight at 9:30 after the kids are in bed we can come back and revisit this and feel it all the way through, but I need you to let it go for now, thanks.Ē And I follow through with some quiet reflection time that night. It probably sounds super dumb (well it sounded dumb to me when I first heard about it anyway,) but it works like a CHARM for getting through challenging social situations.

    And guess what, if I do get emotional despite myself and it makes somebody else uncomfortable? That sounds like a THEM problem lol. Your discomfort is your issue and you get to choose what to do about it. Helps weed some non-compatible people from my day to day life haha.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Yes. Now you know not to argue with this person.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I've noticed that some people have thicker skin, let other people's comments bounce off of them easily and smugly say, "Nobody's perfect." That comment right there is infuriating to me. It's the same as saying, "Well, I lack empathy and emotional intelligence (EQ), I'll give them a free pass, their behavior is excusable and acceptable because I treat people with disrespect, too." No bueno.

    Some people pretend to be good and then their true colors show when you become their verbal punching bag. This is a real deal breaker and I'm OUT.

    The word "sensitive" has a negative connotation. My ignorant Caucasian physical therapist said that Indians, black people or anyone of color are "sensitive" regarding racism. I've learned not to fight with people. I change the subject and we discuss what we enjoy such as his daughters, where they went, cooking, etc. I divert attention away from what we don't agree upon to what we have in common. I'm not going to give him a finger wagging lecture and become a belligerent person. It's not my way. I can't change his narrow mind nor would I want to. It's not my job. All I can do is be a graceful lady.

    If you are ever angry or don't appreciate other people offending, insulting or disrespecting you such as in an obnoxiously rude way, there is a way to handle these types of situations. First of all, you need to know whom you're dealing with. If they're the type of people with subpar intelligence and habitually incurable character defects, flaws and (many times) mental illness (narcissism, gaslighting, sociopaths, etc.) talking back to them will only ignite a fight which ends in permanent animosity and acrimony. Learn to get up, walk away and leave. Don't stay and in the future, minimize contact. If you must cross paths, treat them as if they're co-workers. Remain polite, well mannered, respectful yet DISTANT. Diffuse it by making your exit with nary a word. Or, change the subject such as what I did with my physical therapist. After that, keep conversations brief, pleasant, superficial and go home. Limit contact with them throughout the year both electronically and in person.

    If you can afford to avoid certain people, then become estranged. You have to eliminate certain toxic people from your life permanently.

    Exercise tact.

    If you can't afford to eliminate some people from your life (such as in my case with certain relatives and in-laws / some professional people / service people), limit interactions, only get together infrequently, mind your own business, be polite, pleasant, mindful, respectful and again, remain DISTANT. Then go home and you've survived! This is what I do.

    Carry yourself with self control, self discipline, dignity and grace. It's all you can do. Don't become emotional because your emotions will get the best of you and cloud your judgment. Emotionally charged people are impulsive and then you'll regret your lack of self control and self discipline. Repercussions and harsh consequences are bitter.

    Become piercingly astute and shrewd in order to protect yourself and you'll become proud of your new behavior because you can be in control. I've had this mindset for several years now and it has since saved me. It works. You ought to try it!

    It's okay to call yourself sensitive if you define the word "sensitive" to having feelings. We all want to be treated well. If you're not treated well and as if you matter, it's not called being "overly sensitive" at all. You are human and want to be treated kindly always and if you're not, then do something about it without conflict and confrontation. Enforce healthy boundaries with people while being a peaceful person. This is how you conduct yourself accordingly without regrets. This is how you handle uncomfortable situations maturely.

    There are times when I wish I could explode in anger at some people. I've since changed my tactic. I either walk away or limit all contact as much as possible. If I'm with them at family reunions, for example, I maintain a polite, respectful DISTANCE. I'm nice but not too nice. I don't engage in lengthy conversations and I don't get personal. I keep things light and polite. It works. I engage in very brief, superficial conversations only, never linger and after that I go home.

    There will always be people whom you don't like or despise. Have integrity and carry yourself with dignity. You can be in control where it is fair for everyone. Don't get close, conduct yourself admirably and keep the peace.

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