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Thread: How would you feel about using an egg donor?

  1. #1
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    How would you feel about using an egg donor?

    Question for the Ladies:
    If you had a baby later in life and used an egg donor and your husbands sperm would you still feel it was 100 percent your child knowing even though you carry it, you have none of your dna in that child?

    And if you used an egg donated from your sister.... how would you feel for the rest of your life looking at the kid and knowing your husband technically has a child with your sister? If you were the sister would you always look at the child and think in your mind "you are looking like me, i am your mum" but never say it to anyone? Would you just rather the donor be an anonymous donor?

    All opinions and ponderings are welcome. Just interested on what you all think. Getting Ready for a First Date

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    It would be my child 100%. I wish I had looked into surrogacy sooner as I couldnít carry children after my first. Now I am past menopause and mid 50ís and my only child is an adult so it is moot.

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    Yeah i too seem to not be able to carry a child for long after my first. Had a few miscarriages. The doctor wont investigate. Im thinking now im in my 40s it is probably my egg quality, but prior to this i thought it could be some other complication from my first c-section. I kick myself for not finding a better doctor... mine is totally incompetent. I asked for referral to a fertility specialist when i was 40 to help have another baby and he keeps telling me i dont need it and I have plenty of time to have another child. Im 43 now...plenty of time NOT. I feel like reporting him to the medical board for his total lack of medical care. I was thinking of asking my sister for an egg but i'm not sure if i could cope with it being her child not mine.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you in a stable loving relationship and trying? Is it the same partner or has he had kids before? Get a second opinion and discuss it with your current partner.
    Originally Posted by Skatterbunny
    Yeah i too seem to not be able to carry a child for long after my first. Im 43 now.

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    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Skatterbunny
    Yeah i too seem to not be able to carry a child for long after my first. Had a few miscarriages. The doctor wont investigate. Im thinking now im in my 40s it is probably my egg quality, but prior to this i thought it could be some other complication from my first c-section. I kick myself for not finding a better doctor... mine is totally incompetent. I asked for referral to a fertility specialist when i was 40 to help have another baby and he keeps telling me i dont need it and I have plenty of time to have another child. Im 43 now...plenty of time NOT. I feel like reporting him to the medical board for his total lack of medical care. I was thinking of asking my sister for an egg but i'm not sure if i could cope with it being her child not mine.
    I had 4 miscarriages after my first but I know my problem. Sorry to hear of your troubles. :(

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    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I'm not a woman, but I do think it carries a potential for drama or a long-term cocktail of complicating feelings for all parties when involving donors whom you're intimately familiar with. The relative anonymity along with there typically being tending to be inherent and far less complicated legal protections and boundaries in place are a couple of the larger benefits of going with an egg / sperm donor bank.

    Not saying you should go with one or the other, or to go about it at all for that matter. I've got a friend who had a mutual female friend surrogate for him and his husband. From what I've seen, everyone got along and continues to get along just fine. She is pretty involved with them and the kid though; probably more than we'd conventionally think someone would be. Again, they get along fine so I certainly am not in a position to judge. Still, I'm not sure what kind of feelings or tensions would flare up were they to have a falling out with her. Or perhaps not even falling out, but them or her having to move away. Hopefully that's a hurdle none of them ever need to navigate. Or if they do, it's resolved amicably with minimal disruption for the kid.

    I can think of few decisions to make that would be heavier than that. Have you talked to your sister about it yet? Best of luck with everything.

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    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    I would choose not to go down the road of donors etc.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Capricorn3
    I would choose not to go down the road of donors etc.
    Similarly for me.

    Although I hold no prejudice against the idea. That you are feeling these worries creep up and feel unsettled, I'd suggest don't go through with the donor idea either. You do not seem comfortable about this and a child being born into this world is innocent of these fears and insecurities that adults have. Don't bring a child into the world this way.

    If you also come from a conservative background that frowns upon this I don't recommend it or sever ties with that part of your life and bring the child up in a loving environment on your own terms. Any type of dissent or issue needs to be resolved before you decide if you want to go down this road.

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    I had my one and only pregnancy and my one and only child at age 42. Had I not been able to conceive I would have considered a variety of options including adoption -meaning that the fact that the child would not be my biological child would not have mattered to me. But I would have used an anonymous egg donor if I decided to go that route. It's a very individual decision!!

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does your partner want to adopt or use a surrogate since the pregnancy, not the eggs is the problem? Is this a real situation or just a survey? The doctor probably told you to try for a year first.

    Not sending you for expensive IVF etc is not malpractice. Wanting another child is not a medical diagnosis that was missed. It sounds like this is a hypothetical question because the facts do not add up.
    Originally Posted by Skatterbunny
    i too seem to not be able to carry a child for long after my first. Had a few miscarriages. I asked for referral to a fertility specialist when i was 40 to help have another baby

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