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Thread: How soon is soon?

  1. #1
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    How soon is soon?

    Hello everyone,
    Hope you are all doing fine. This would be my first post on this forum but I have been reading you and skimming through threads for quite a while now:)

    A little background on me, I am Christian and come from a rather traditional culture with its set of values. So I naturally only get into something physical with men when in an exclusive solid relationship otherwise I am not so inclined to give myself up easily, let's say within a few weeks of seeing a man. Personality-wise, I am a serious woman but at the same time someone who is fun, happy, flirty (when needed) and loves to laugh.

    I have started seeing a guy for some time now (a few dates, each having lasted for a few hours and have been chatting all the time). So far, I really like his personality and I am attracted to him physically as well. The same applies to him who has said to me first that he is interested in me, finds me pretty and is attracted to me physically as well. We have been flirting a lot and have tried to 'seduce' each other a bit through natural ways.

    Now, as the title of the thread says, I would like to know what would be the normal time span before starting to kiss and starting to make love? A few months or weeks? I know well that it varies from person to person and would probably depend on the dynamics of the relationship but I would really like to know how you guys proceed. I personally tend to hold off on these things when I am at the early stages of a relationship, however i think we may be going a bit too fast here. What's your take on this issue generally?

    Thanks in advance,
    C. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Does he share your values and culture? Are you exclusive? Are you a couple? Play it by ear but stick to your feelings. If it's too soon,that's ok.
    Originally Posted by Celine2
    i think we may be going a bit too fast here.
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 05-20-2020 at 11:28 AM.

  3. #3
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    I think to be honest it's your own personal choice. I think people's opinions can really vary on this topic. I'm not religious (I'm agnostic), so personally I wouldn't actually wait a few weeks or a few months to get intimate with someone. Maybe I would wait a couple of weeks and have about three dates before I did something intimate. Doesn't necessarily have to be actual sex but probably kissing and fooling around after the third date. I would suggest that you only do anything sexual if you feel completely comfortable and you're sure this guy really likes you. If it's important to you to have a meaningful connection first then yes you may need to wait longer.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Normal is whatever pace it is that you personally feel comfortable with. It's really that simple. If you feel like things are maybe getting too heated, moving too fast - probably is. Always listen to your gut and trust that inner voice. If it's ringing alarm bells, believe it and heed the warning, don't try to rationalize it away. Especially don't rationalize it away by committee, aka asking strangers what they deem normal. There is no such thing as normal, only what's comfortable for you with this particular person.

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  6. #5
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Celine2
    I naturally only get into something physical with men when in an exclusive solid relationship
    Do you feel you are in 'an exclusive solid relationship' with this guy? Have you talked about being exclusive? If not, then, don't do something you'll regret.

    The normal time span is different for everyone. Personally, I take my time and it could take up to 4-5 dates or more before I feel comfortable enough to kiss someone and much longer than that to make love with them. My best friend had slept with her now husband on their second date. So, you can't really judge from others' experiences.

    You do what's right for you and stay true to yourself.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    There's no 'normal' time span for these things. It's just what the majority do or percentages in any group. I can't say that I've had any one rule (in terms of time or how things progressed) for every person I've been with. The only rule was that I enjoyed my company with that person.

    I feel like you're more worried about how you might come across or what others might think of you if you move too fast. If that's the case, try not to. We all wonder whether we look crazy or sound stupid. Don't worry over those things. If you enjoy each others' company and you get to a point where you feel comfortable with someone, impressing him won't make a difference. Just be yourself.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Monogamy before sex. Ask for exclusivity before getting too physical so you know how serious he is. As for how long, that's up to you. When it's right, it's right.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    If you're not sure, then its probably too soon (for you). A good rule of thumb, for me is, if I think i might regret doing something, then I don't do it.

    Good decision making comes from a place of trusting yourself and being responsible for all your actions. Doing things and making your own choices because thats what you're comfortable with...

    Meaning, don't feel pressured, either by him or even your own previous relationships or decisions. We change, evolve, make concessions based on new info...

    I think in general, if you stay true to yourself, take responsibility for any consequences, then the decision presents itself.

    If you want to wait, that's cool. If you want to have sex because it feels good and you like this guy, that's cool, too. Just dont compromise your values for someone else. That's where things stop being simple.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Celine2
    Hello everyone,
    Hope you are all doing fine. This would be my first post on this forum but I have been reading you and skimming through threads for quite a while now:)

    A little background on me, I am Christian and come from a rather traditional culture with its set of values. So I naturally only get into something physical with men when in an exclusive solid relationship otherwise I am not so inclined to give myself up easily, let's say within a few weeks of seeing a man. Personality-wise, I am a serious woman but at the same time someone who is fun, happy, flirty (when needed) and loves to laugh.

    I have started seeing a guy for some time now (a few dates, each having lasted for a few hours and have been chatting all the time). So far, I really like his personality and I am attracted to him physically as well. The same applies to him who has said to me first that he is interested in me, finds me pretty and is attracted to me physically as well. We have been flirting a lot and have tried to 'seduce' each other a bit through natural ways.

    Now, as the title of the thread says, I would like to know what would be the normal time span before starting to kiss and starting to make love? A few months or weeks? I know well that it varies from person to person and would probably depend on the dynamics of the relationship but I would really like to know how you guys proceed. I personally tend to hold off on these things when I am at the early stages of a relationship, however i think we may be going a bit too fast here. What's your take on this issue generally?

    Thanks in advance,
    C.
    For me it was months - I waited -with one exception - till we were in love and there was rather strong potential for marriage. And back then I insisted he get tested and that he hadn't been with anyone for months -so that the test was accurate. If he wanted, I'd get tested too.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Does he share your values and culture? Are you exclusive? Are you a couple? Play it by ear but stick to your feelings. If it's too soon,that's ok.
    We are not from the same culture nor the same ethnic background (which is totally fine for me) but we seem to share the same values so far..

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