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Thread: How to tell if he is genuinely interested or is grooming me for sex?

  1. #71
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Originally Posted by elyssac
    This sounds very important. I think I need to practice it in my mind a little bit (both in terms of how to approach it in conversation and also how to see it as a statement of truth and checking in without expectations)
    I don't know if its so bad to have some expectations that he is on the same page. After all, isn't that what you want?

    You like him. You want him to like you, too! Its not a crime. Its completely natural that you like someone you had sex with and that you want a. To be assured to not to get STDs and b. For it to mean more than just sex.

    You are not expecting too much.

    Of course, you should have protected yourself better before u had sex... But c'est la vie!

    Find a good time. You're happy, he's happy...

    Be cute about it, easy and playful... Yes. You jumped in, but open sex is outside your comfort zone. You tried being cool about but you're being honest, that is not really your way... what does he think?

    If he says he's not looking to be exclusive or anything you don't want to hear, then deal with it. You're not doing yourself any favors setting up this dynamic where your needs aren't met because it keeps him around or whatever.

    Give him the chance to meet you at your level. He may do just that.

    Whatever happens, you got your own back. It'll be fine...Head high. Lesson learned. Then you find a guy that wants the same things as you. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #72
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
    Like reinventmyself, I had learned to initiate the exclusivity talk when I felt ready and the guy hadn't brought it up. I only had to do it once, and the idea was a bit scary but once I spoke up it wasn't so bad. Know that no matter how you present it (as a question, a request, or simply telling him where you are), there is the possibility of disappointment. You can say you have no expectations whatsoever, but everyone has a "desired outcome" - if you were completely indifferent about him seeing others then you wouldn't need to bring it up. I had to accept that being vulnerable and risking rejection/disappointment is unavoidable in the pursuit of love. My confidence and strength lie in knowing that even if rejection hurts, I will eventually be okay. It is much better to know whether we are on the same page, or not, than spending another few weeks or months in ambiguity and still getting hurt in the end (probably hurt worse as you are getting attached over time).

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