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Thread: Am I to blame for my girlfriends poor behaviour?

  1. #1

    Am I to blame for my girlfriends poor behaviour?

    I am in a two months relationship with my girlfriend. We are both 23 and have known each other as friends for about six months prior to dating as we worked at the same restaurant part-time while at college. I have never felt this strong for another woman before. Our chemestry feels like we were meant to be and I believe she feels the same way, but.. her behaviour is sometimes very erratical and by this point it is basically driving me away. I'll try to give you an understanding of what I'm talking about:

    • She snatched my phone out of my hands and looks through my everything (texts, call log, apps).
    • She even texted a female friend of mine from my phone, asking whether she and I had had sex.
    • She found an innocent text on my phone from a friend of mine from before she and I started dating, where my friend asked me if I wanted to date her or another woman we know. In the text I responded that I didn't know yet and that they would have to fight it out for me (in an ironic matter). When she saw this text she blew up and claimed we were over. I had to apologize to her afterwards.
    • Whenever she has the opportunity, she makes fun of and laugh at people behind their backs for any given reason. This seems to be especially prevailing when the 'victim' has had something bad/unlucky happen to them. To give you an example: She laughed at a friend of hers behind her back, because the friend was devastated that her boyfriend had just broken up with her.
    • She is sometimes demeaning towards me; saying that I shouldn't bother working out, because I'm not the 'bodybuilding type of guy' and saying that 'I can't handle any more praise' at one time when her father had said that I seemed like a nice guy after meeting him briefly.
    • Her inappropriate jokes also contains passive-agressive threats at times: She would tell me that we'll never see each other again and when I ignore it, she will claim she was 'just joking'.
    • We have had huge verbal fights, but afterwards she's claimed that it was 'nothing' compared to the fights she has had before.

    And I'm sure there are a lot of other things that I forgot to mention, but these are the things that came to mind first and foremost. She only has one real, close friend besides her little sister. I'm starting to think that she may have pushed her friends away aswell if she behaved the same way with them.

    Whenever she does these things, I get a knot in my stomach and my gut feeling is telling me that something is horribly wrong. Her behaviour is driving me away and it's making me want to spend less and less time with her, which I think is fueling her poor behaviour even further like a vicious circle. This has made me think that her way of acting is somehow my fault. Besides that she has recently come out of a (apparantly) succesful four year relationship, which makes me think that I'm the one who is at fault, since she apparantly was able to make things work with another guy.

    I feel sick and like leaving but then again, she also does a lot of good things for me: She buys me gifts, sends me love letters, invites me to meet her family etc. It confuses me like nothing has ever done before. I really could use some input on this. What are your thoughts? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Time to break up.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    This is not your fault. She is incredibly immature and sounds like she's an adolescent. You do need to get away from her and find a more mature, sensible, caring girl. This current girl desperately needs to grow up.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Call her bluff and never see her again.

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  6. #5
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'm sorry but if you hadn't have posted her age, I would have guessed it to be in the 13/14 year old range. Either way, an adult relationship requires more than"gifts and love letters".

    THINK...

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Low self-esteem. She's not going to grow out of this, unfortunately. I've seen adults double and triple her age behave similarly.

    Follow your gut instincts and set her free. It's only two months. If, for some reason, you do feel you want to see how things go a little longer, by all means but definitely do hang onto your hat and your wits.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    run from this woman and relationship. She has zero boundaries now. It's only going to get worse. Bad behavior is only your fault if you tolerate it.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Am I to blame for my girlfriends poor behaviour?
    What's blame got to do with it?

    Respect yourself.

  10. #9
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
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    Iím so glad Iím old. Dude, there is WAY better waiting for you out there when this ends.

    Donít get me wrong, I remember being in my twenties and raw animal attraction being everything (itís still an important factor for my relationships.) But if you always strive to grow and improve yourself, you will attract a woman with character to match the Level of chemistry you feel together. You will absolutely refuse to tolerate behavior like the woman youíre with now has exhibited and you will know better than to try to change someone. You will dodge a few bullets and then take Cupidís arrow straight to the heart with somebody who treats you with love and respect.

    Best wishes!

  11. #10
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    Your girlfriend is an insecure jerk and bully.

    You know this.

    Her buying you gifts and writing love letters is not enough to make up for serious character flaws.

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