Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 10 of 10

Thread: Grieving a breakup several months later

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    33

    Grieving a breakup several months later

    I left my girlfriend of 1.5 years together around New Years ( I wrote a post about it ). She never left my mind since the breakup, but I was ready to move on.
    Since we broke up she tried to get me back a couple times. When the pandemic hit in mid march I wrote kind wishes to her and her family because I still lover her and care. The next day she tried again. Then one evening mid April she wrote me again saying that she isn't healing and misses me. We had long exchange and it ended that night. It's been about 2 weeks now that I've been feeling an extreme loss. No appetite, very high anxiety and depression. It feel as though I just got dumped. Before May I was focusing on myself and went deeper into my passions and hobbies. Now they don't matter anymore and it feels like getting back with my ex is the only way out of this emotional nightmare. I haven't heard from her since mid April and I think this is why I'm feeling dumpers remorse. I know that dumpers goes through stages just as a dumpees do, but never imagined that I'd fall into this stage so profoundly.
    So I've been asking myself so many questions. Do I really need her back? Is her silence playing tricks on me? Am I going through post romantic stress disorder? Am I just lonely and depressed and need her as a bandaid?
    Has anyone been through this?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2015
    Location
    Ontario Canada
    Posts
    6,557
    Gender
    Female
    I think you should look for some online therapy to sort this out and learn how to let go. She does not seem interested in you and you set your healing back when you contacted her last. Block and delete her from your phone and social media.

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    33
    Originally Posted by melancholy123
    I think you should look for some online therapy to sort this out and learn how to let go. She does not seem interested in you and you set your healing back when you contacted her last. Block and delete her from your phone and social media.
    She wrote me a month ago that she isn't healing and misses me. How does that make her seem uninterested?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,495
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this, uncoupling is rarely clean and easy. Wasn't this the reason you wanted to break up? If she wasn't the problem, she won't be the cure. Just step back and resume your self improvement plan.
    Originally Posted by dcb83
    No appetite, very high anxiety and depression. I was focusing on myself and went deeper into my passions and hobbies.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,680
    Gender
    Female
    Why did you end the relationship? It sounds like she's trying her best to get over you. It's best to stick to your earlier decision of breaking up and let her go. Don't use her presence to stroke your ego if you don't want to be with her. The kindest thing is to let go completely.

  7. #6
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    33
    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    Why did you end the relationship? It sounds like she's trying her best to get over you. It's best to stick to your earlier decision of breaking up and let her go. Don't use her presence to stroke your ego if you don't want to be with her. The kindest thing is to let go completely.
    I don't even know anymore. I wasn't feeling in love at the time because I was depressed and my mind was elsewhere. When she wrote me in April she asked if this pandemic and isolation is making me realize what counts in life. And she wrote that I do count for her. I think all this anxiety is worry that I'll be regretting this and I could be missing out on a beautiful story. So confused :(

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,253
    Gender
    Female
    So it's only been 5 or 6 weeks since the last time you spoke to her. In my experience it takes a good 4 to 6 months of no contact before being able to move on from the mourning stage. Every time you have contact, it's going to set you back to square one. Go no contact once and for all so you can eventually heal and move on. Every time you contact her you're also doing her a disservice. If you really cared about her, you'd let her go for good to move on without you, so she can find somebody who is crazy about her and will never want to let her go.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    10,916
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by dcb83
    I don't even know anymore. I wasn't feeling in love at the time because I was depressed and my mind was elsewhere. When she wrote me in April she asked if this pandemic and isolation is making me realize what counts in life. And she wrote that I do count for her. I think all this anxiety is worry that I'll be regretting this and I could be missing out on a beautiful story. So confused :(
    So what have you done about your mental health? This obsessive emotional stuff going on about your ex now sounds like an offshoot of your underlying personal issues. She or any relationship isn't your bandaid. Get proper help and treatment. You can't run a marathon when your leg is broken, which is the mental equivalent of what you are trying to do now. Obsessing about running doesn't change the fact that your leg is broken and has to heal first.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,680
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by dcb83
    I don't even know anymore. I wasn't feeling in love at the time because I was depressed and my mind was elsewhere. When she wrote me in April she asked if this pandemic and isolation is making me realize what counts in life. And she wrote that I do count for her. I think all this anxiety is worry that I'll be regretting this and I could be missing out on a beautiful story. So confused :(
    I don't know about a text like that. In all fairness if I received a text from an ex similar to what she sent you, that wouldn't strike me as any form of wanting to get back with someone. It sounds more like she's bitter and vengeful and looking to hurt you by causing you to self-doubt.

    I'd take a giant step back based on the tone and what she said to you.

    She should be respecting your choices too and this is a two-way street. No good can come of this with those kinds of underhanded comments and she has no business telling you what you should or should not realize about what counts in life. You can do the counting of your own blessings on your own, thank you very much.

  11. #10
    Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2015
    Posts
    33
    No I donít think she was trying to hurt me. We just had a really nice connection and I understand why she wrote that. She mentioned that she feels and deep emptiness and piece of her was taken away and I feel that too at times.


Videos


Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity

Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •