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Thread: How long should it take to get over someone

  1. #1
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    How long should it take to get over someone

    I've posted in this forum before and it helped alot. I've not been on here in a few months, I was in a relationship for 6 years which ended out the blue. 7 months on I am so much more positive and just trying to keep looking forward but I have found myself recently getting upset over the breakup and just wanted to see how long it took others to get over a long term relationship. I feel because it has been 7 months now I should be over it but it was a long time to be with someone.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Even though you dodged a bullet, it takes time to retool and wind down from 6 yrs. Healing is a two-step sometimes two steps forward one step back. Take care of yourself and remember, even without recent breakups, times are tough and it's harder with all this corona stuff going on. One foot in front of the other.
    Originally Posted by LSL
    7 months on I am so much more positive and just trying to keep looking forward but I have found myself recently getting upset over the breakup and just wanted to see how long it took others to get over a long term relationship.

  3. #3
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Even though you dodged a bullet, it takes time to retool and wind down from 6 yrs. Healing is a two-step sometimes two steps forward one step back. Take care of yourself and remember, even without recent breakups, times are tough and it's harder with all this corona stuff going on. One foot in front of the other.
    Thank you wiseman, yeah I mean I'm in a totally different mind set now but it still does hurt from time to time and I'm still continuing to focus on myself and keep up the fitness etc but your right I think with the lockdown it does give your mind more time to think. And I'm definitely not ready to start dating or anything I think the sensible thing is to focus on myself and be happy in myself again and when I feel the time is right then I'll know

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    7 months in my opinion is still very early and by what you've said you've come a long way. After my loveless marriage broke up I met someone and fell head over heels in love with her. We were only together a couple of months, it took me best part of 5 years to get over her. There are no rules where matters of the heart are concerned. All credit to you and your bound to have the odd wobble now and again.
    Last edited by Danmarko; 05-15-2020 at 06:22 PM.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by Danmarko
    7 months in my opinion is my opinion and by what you've said you've come a long way. After my loveless marriage broke up I met someone and fell head over heels in love with her. We were only together a couple of months, it took me best part of 5 years to get over her. There are no rules where matters of the heart are concerned. All credit to you and your bound to have the odd wobble now and again.
    Thank you it has been probably one of the hardest things I've had to go through got my heart totally broken and I wont lie I did crumble but I have surprised myself how strong I actually am.

    Yeah I think I am being hard on myself and just thinking God i should be over this but your right theres no time limit, did you feel a wee bit better seven months on after your breakup?

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    Sorry I've edited my post it didn't make much sense at the start.
    At 7 months I was a complete mess! Drinking myself to sleep most evenings, taking strong anti depressants. Not eating properly either. I'd gone from owning a 1/2 million pound house to living in my car followed by a miserable bedsit.
    As I said your doing well, no time limits. Be kind to yourself where and when you can 😊

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Good to hear from you, and good to hear that, all in all, you're doing well. It's a process.

    There's really no timeline for this stuff, but, as others have said, 7 months removed from a 6 year relationship is still a pretty fresh wound. Thinking of my last big breakup—we were together for three years—I was still quite wobbly at the 7 month mark. Wasn't a mess, but was still angry here, ruminating there, and self-defining, you could say, as someone going through a breakup more than, you know, just being me in the world. A few months later, though, the thorns were removed, I was me, kumbaya. Others have taken longer, while others have taken shorter.

    Assuming you're not writing this after your 100th whiskey of the week, I'd say you're doing great and just have to keep trusting the process.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Everyone is a little different. You may hear stories of some getting over marriages faster or long term relationships faster but it may not mean that the road was any smoother in its own way.

    It's not a race so try and be patient with yourself. What matters is that you're still growing and eager to learn or try new things. It sounds like you're a little self-critical and it's normal to be that way if you're anxious and in pain. I think the best medicine for that is turning yourself inside out and doing the opposite of what you normally would. If you feel anxious, try something new that brings you out of your shell and challenges how you feel. Keep proving to yourself you're more than what you were yesterday or the week before or the month before. It's one step at a time.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    It takes as long as it takes. Don't judge yourself harshly... It's ok. Healing ebbs and flows. I have found, the moment I decide to be who I am and not fight myself, it starts to get easier. and this is true of many things not just break ups... I also try to control my self talk.... Catch yourself and then change your thoughts.

    6 years is a long time, 2 months can be a long time... It really is mourning the death of what you thought you were or would be. I still think of exes and all kinds of past friendships and people I used to know... I try not to give any of it too much credence....

    And now that I'm thinking about it, what does moved on actually mean? What do you think you should be doing that you are not"

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Danmarko
    Sorry I've edited my post it didn't make much sense at the start.
    At 7 months I was a complete mess! Drinking myself to sleep most evenings, taking strong anti depressants. Not eating properly either. I'd gone from owning a 1/2 million pound house to living in my car followed by a miserable bedsit.
    As I said your doing well, no time limits. Be kind to yourself where and when you can 😊
    I hope your doing ok, these things are so tough but I always think it will make us stronger

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