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Thread: Do I delete my ex and all our mutual FB friends?

  1. #1
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    Do I delete my ex and all our mutual FB friends?

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I was the dumper. For reasons he didnít agree with, long story short I felt I wasnít being treated fairly or with respect in the relationship and things have been bad for a long time, I finally walked away because I was sick of the emotional abuse.

    Now I find myself anxiety ridden on what to do about social media. My FB and Instagram are riddled with photos of us from the last 3 years.

    I donít want to come across spiteful or petty by deleting him off social media, we have nearly 50 mutual friends too. Do I go and delete everyone individually, itís so weird because his ex GF is still FB friends with all his family but not him.. they were together for 5 years though but had been broken up for a while before I entered the scene.

    I donít know what to do in this situation.

    Please help.

  2. #2
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    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I was the dumper. For reasons he didnít agree with, long story short I felt I wasnít being treated fairly or with respect in the relationship and things have been bad for a long time, I finally walked away because I was sick of the emotional abuse.

    Now I find myself anxiety ridden on what to do about social media. My FB and Instagram are riddled with photos of us from the last 3 years.

    I donít want to come across spiteful or petty by deleting him off social media, we have nearly 50 mutual friends too. Do I go and delete everyone individually, itís so weird because his ex GF is still FB friends with all his family but not him.. they were together for 5 years though but had been broken up for a while before I entered the scene.

    I donít know what to do in this situation.

    Please help.
    He hasnít deleted me...

  3. #3
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Yes, you are doing this for your health and well being, its for you. Your friends know how to reach you, if they ever call up tell them you are working on yourself, have taken up a job or further education so on a break :)
    Just take care of yourself, your growth and your needs.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It depends. There's no right or wrong - to delete or not to delete all the photos. It's also not necessary to do anything right now if you're feeling shaken by the break up.

    I think the most helpful thing you can do (and this is just a suggestion) is to step away from the social media buzz and newsfeeds for awhile altogether. You may be a little too attached to social media and dependent on what others think of you or your profile. Give it a break for a few weeks and come back to it later.

    Whenever I think about some faux pas I might be doing or feel embarrassed I laugh at myself and think about who else might have noticed. Well, if anyone else noticed and has the time to laugh at me, the joke's on them because they don't appear to have anything else better to do. If no one notices, who cares. I'm still laughing at myself and entertained. What your friends think of you will matter less and less the more you answer to yourself and do whatever you need to do to feel good again. Those who aren't your friends to begin with will weed themselves out. Such is life. Don't stress.

    Take it easy and take care of yourself.

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  6. #5
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    Are the 50 mutual friends his friends you were introduced to?
    Why do you care who his ex remains friends with?
    Itís not a competition???
    Or was it in your mind?

    Do nothing. What would be your reason to unfriend them?
    Decide later. Unless it bothers you? Does it? And if so why?

    You do realise you can mute people? So they donít show up on your feed etc?

    50 sounds a ridiculous number?? How many of these 50 have you actually met? And who added who?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When abuse is involved you block and delete him AND all his people from ALL social media and message apps.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    An abuser may resort to using mutual friends to try to lure their victim back so they can abuse them again.

    Think about what is most important...worrying about what others might think or say, or your own emotional and mental wellbeing.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I would stay off socisl media altogether. I deleted my fb over 6 months ago. Best thing I ever did. I wasnt avoiding anyone.... Long story short, was being sucked into other people's petty drama and it was very upsetting to me.

    I just decide, my actual in real life friends know my number and can reach me anytime. I didn't announce it. I just deleted it and the messenger app

    It took me a few days, maybe a week to stop thinking to check my facebook. Now, I don't miss it. I did think about it, a few weeks ago, with the pandemic and all. Social media is a good resource, but I didn't reinstall the app or anything.

    Life is so much more peaceful without it. If you dont want to delete it, just dont go on it for a while. Spare yourself.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by Roadtoheal
    I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I was the dumper. For reasons he didnít agree with, long story short I felt I wasnít being treated fairly or with respect in the relationship and things have been bad for a long time, I finally walked away because I was sick of the emotional abuse.

    Now I find myself anxiety ridden on what to do about social media. My FB and Instagram are riddled with photos of us from the last 3 years.

    I donít want to come across spiteful or petty by deleting him off social media, we have nearly 50 mutual friends too. Do I go and delete everyone individually, itís so weird because his ex GF is still FB friends with all his family but not him.. they were together for 5 years though but had been broken up for a while before I entered the scene.

    I donít know what to do in this situation.

    Please help.
    Very simple answer. If having the individual in your life causes you to have anxiety, then you delete them. There are no rules as to who you have to keep or who you have to delete. It doesn't matter if they have you on their list or haven't deleted any pictures. Right now its about your healing and your ability to move forward and turn the page and start a new chapter in your love life. So you can do a blanket mass deletion or you can go thru the list one by one and ask yourself if having that person would cause you anxiety. If they do, delete, if they don't, you can keep them.

  11. #10
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    If they are actually friends of yours, ie people you like, people you get on with, then I wouldn't 'unfriend' them. I'm not a big social media person, but still if someone 'unfriends' me without explanation on Facebook, I do think this has some real life bearing and I would no longer consider them a friend. So I wouldn't needlessly cut ties / put yourself on bad terms with loads of people just because your relationship has ended.

    The only thing I might do is 'unfollow' some people so that you don't see photos of your ex popping up in your newsfeed.

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