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Thread: Do I delete my ex and all our mutual FB friends?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    I'm not a big social media person, but still if someone 'unfriends' me without explanation on Facebook, I do think this has some real life bearing and I would no longer consider them a friend.
    Just wanted to present a counterpoint and say that I've been unfriended when I was on social media and in my mind it didn't impact the person's status as my real-life friend.

    Sometimes when people are going through stuff, they have to shut down on some levels.

    Some people pulled away to lick their wounds.

    Some people just needed space, or a break.

    Some people liked to clean out their whole friends list and start a new account with their "real friends."

    In one case, a guy's wife got paranoid and made him unfriend me!

    Months later, I'd get a friend request again. That's the weirdness and unreality of social media.

    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    The only thing I might do is 'unfollow' some people so that you don't see photos of your ex popping up in your newsfeed.
    But I agree that unfollow or mute is probably the best way to go.

  2. #12
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    It's an interesting one, whether a Facebook 'unfriending' affects your thoughts on whether a person is really a friend. I guess maybe if I logged onto Facebook tonight and deleted 50 of my friends (who then notice I've unfriended them), 25 of them might see if my way (Ian probably doesn't like me) and 25 might see it your way (maybe Ian needs to lick his wounds etc etc). But even then, I'd have lost the friendship of 25 real life people! And I do think friends are really really important so, as I said in my last post, I wouldn't delete genuine friends (or even people you just have a nice chat with when you see them) just because a relationship has ended.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Agree. I would delete and block him all His people from all social media, messaging apps, contact lists and devices but not your friends. However I would reset your privacy settings and limit your content when it comes to mutual friends. Untag stuff and remove any content, pics of him.

    Unfriending is not as effective as deleting and blocking from all platforms and devices..And yes unfollow or do whatever you need to in order to prevent showing up in people's feeds.
    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    If they are actually friends of yours, ie people you like, people you get on with, then I wouldn't 'unfriend' them. The only thing I might do is 'unfollow' some people so that you don't see photos of your ex popping up in your newsfeed.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    It's an interesting one, whether a Facebook 'unfriending' affects your thoughts on whether a person is really a friend. I guess maybe if I logged onto Facebook tonight and deleted 50 of my friends (who then notice I've unfriended them), 25 of them might see if my way (Ian probably doesn't like me) and 25 might see it your way (maybe Ian needs to lick his wounds etc etc). But even then, I'd have lost the friendship of 25 real life people! And I do think friends are really really important so, as I said in my last post, I wouldn't delete genuine friends (or even people you just have a nice chat with when you see them) just because a relationship has ended.
    I just don't see facebook (or social media) as having anything to do with actual friendship. I closed down my fb account seven years ago, basically 'unfriending' everyone. I don't have any social media now, excepting LinkedIN. But my friends are still my friends.

    I do understand that people may construe a facebook de-friending as an actual removal of friendship, which is why I might go the mute/unfollow route.

    But now that I've said that, I actually deactivated my account once as the result of a break up. Everything reminded me of the guy and I just needed a rest for about a month. It really helped me, actually.

    When I got back online, nobody seemed to have taken any offense.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I actually deactivated my account once

    When I got back online, nobody seemed to have taken any offense.
    I'd agree, I wouldn't expect anyone to. An account deactivation is just seen as 'need a break from Facebook'. It's nothing against anyone in particular.

    An account deactivation and being individually blocked / unfriended are very different things in how many people will perceive them.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I almost never even notice when someone "unfriends" me on Facebook. I only notice that my friend count is lower but darned if I can figure out who it is.

    And if someone does and I figure it out I never think "Well, that's it! I'm never speaking to Unfriender ever again!" I figure there's a reason and leave it at that.

    I am older, however, and Facebook has little importance to me.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ian4996
    An account deactivation and being individually blocked / unfriended are very different things in how many people will perceive them.
    Yeah, but they didn't necessarily know that.

    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I almost never even notice when someone "unfriends" me on Facebook. I only notice that my friend count is lower but darned if I can figure out who it is.

    And if someone does and I figure it out I never think "Well, that's it! I'm never speaking to Unfriender ever again!" I figure there's a reason and leave it at that.
    Yeah, same.

    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I am older, however, and Facebook has little importance to me.
    Similar here. I didn't join facebook until 2009, when I was 32. So, it had no impact on my formative years or my way of life.

    I'm sure my perspective would be different if I'd joined when I was in my teens or 20s.

  9. #18
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    if we just step back for a while from social media we will realize world still functions the way it is.
    i just spoke to a friend of mine after a week we spoke like hours, we used to generally meet up on weekends but corona has changed everything. We are not connected on facebook, i have not opened facebook for months now.
    Relationships, friendships that you value and those who value you , both will make an effort to be there in your life.
    You leave social media life still goes on take a break its your life

  10. #19
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    I am in similar circumstances and I deactivated my Facebook until I could decide what I wanted to do. Today after 5 days of no contact I decided to remove myself from the watsapp group chats. One with his sister and her boyfriend and one with him and his friends. They hadn't been active but seeing them just irked me. I'm now extremely anxious about it, as sadly I forgot it announces you left 🙄

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