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Thread: Does this sound like an emotionally abuse relationship?

  1. #1
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    Does this sound like an emotionally abuse relationship?

    Hi,

    Does this sound like an emotionally abusive relationship?

    2.5 year relationship (cohabitated for a year) - 30 me (F) and 32 (M). Actually met through his cousin 3 years ago, his cousin always liked me and wanted to be with me but we ended up having a connection and got into a serious relationship instead.

    Now Iím doubting our connection my sister said he seems emotionally abusive, but sheís always been known to be over dramatic.

    Examples of things that make me unhappy in this relationship:

    - Secretive conversations will his female friends (would have video calls with them once a month when I wasnít around) - only saw this because he left his phone on the chat screen once and I saw it open, nothing dodgy in the conversations, very friend like.. and they have known each other for many years prior to me being in the scene.

    ^ I donít have an issue with female friends, but double standards I do. If it were me having those secretive video chats with a guy, I know it wouldnít fly with him.

    - Angry over small things, yell and loose his temper. Never hit me, but has yelled at me many times. Apologises afterwards when I make a point that it wasnít acceptable to speak like that.. only after having it escalate and blow out of proportion.

    - Shutdown and get angry whenever I mentioned how I was feeling upset about something in the relationship.

    - Would say things like ďdonít say another word or Iím going to loose my !Ē If I was bringing something to his attention that I didnít like, in hope of discussing it. Avoided communicating about things.

    - Get drunk alone while I was sober on a Saturday night when we were meant to be spending it together chilling out, instead spends it calling all his boys while I sit there waiting for him to be done.. hint at him talking to his friends another time so we can spend time together, and get told Iím being controlling and he starts to get angry and tells me not to start a problem.

    - Would always ask who messaged me when he hears my phone go off, but if I ask him that I get told Iím being nosy.

    - Was alright for him to have drinks with female colleagues while away at work conferences, but if I were to have a beer with a male colleague heíd get all paranoid (I broke his trust once in our relationship) - so this I understand. He works in events and when away at big road shows would be out socialising with a lot of people.

    - Would ask for a back massage which I always gave, but he would never massage me when I asked - his excuse was ďIím not good at giving themĒ. Ask me to do things for him and I did, when I asked for things he would get annoyed and do it reluctantly.

    - Would speak with a tone and aggressive manner sometimes, when called up about it would get angry but if I speak to him that way he looses it and demands an apology.

    Do these sound like emotional abusive things?

    Thanks in advance! Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by Roadtoheal; 05-24-2020 at 07:25 AM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you happy with this guy? That's all that matters. Stop acting like his slave

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Yes. They do.

    Are you going to break it off?

  4. #4
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    He sounds abusive, controlling and shady in my books. But regardless whether you define his behavior as abusive, his double standards, short temper and inability to communicate are huge red flags and should be deal breakers IMO. Why do you stay in an unhappy relationship without any hope to improve (he isn't even open to discuss it)?

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  6. #5
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    Yes. not something i would expect from my partner either.
    He has some issues to sort out here quite disrespectful to be honest.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    Not sure if it's abusive but he just sounds like a jerk - double standards, getting angry at small things, shutting down when you want to talk to him about hard topics...why stay?

  8. #7
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    Thanks for the all the replies. Iím not happy, and havenít been for a while. I feel we speak completely different love languages (we have different needs in a relationship) he is not emotional at all.

    Itís good to have clarity around if this is abusive behaviour. We both love each other very much so that makes it hard, but my sister has convinced me I should leave him.

    As much as itíll break my heart I think I will follow my sisters advice to leave.

    I just wanted some outside opinions to verify my sisters thoughts, because she is quite the drama queen and likes to make things worse than they seem.. but she must be right about him.

    The more I think about it the more I think how have I put up with this for so long, guess love is blind? But now Iím finally starting to see the light.

  9. #8
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    Hm but he will yell at me and lash out verbally with anger? I have been making excuses for that this whole time thinking that is just his anger problem - and we all have our faults.

  10. #9
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    Thatís the thing, I always speak up for myself when heís being unfair. I call him out on his behaviour when I feel itís not acceptable, which just makes him angry and turns into an argument. Or he downplays it and is quick to say ďoh but you do this and that etcĒ immediately says something Iíve done wrong before, or the reason heís acting that way is because of something Iíve done or said.

  11. #10
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    He has anger issues,is manipulative, does not respect you or take any responsibility. He sounds like an a##hole and the relationship is toxic.

    Why have you stayed with this jerk?

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