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Thread: Bizarre, complicated story involving Me (M), Acquaintance (F) and her BF

  1. #1

    Bizarre, complicated story involving Me (M), Acquaintance (F) and her BF

    Long story - my apologies.

    So I have a close friend from school who moved to San Diego (near where I am from). He started dating a girl who was loosely in my social circle when he moved there. Around the time my friend and her start dating, her roommate (who I barely knew at the time) approached me and struck up a convo. Found out we had a very unusual interest in common, after which she asked me for my phone number. Again while I had met her a couple times before, did not really think much of this at the time. Although another of my friends there thought she seemed very clearly interested in me, she has been in a LTR for 3-4 years now. So didn't really think much of it.

    Her BF is a very quiet (but otherwise pleasant) guy. Not really part of our social circle - he is kinda odd but has never been a problem to me or any of us. The two seem to have a very unusual, almost rocky relationship - very little PDA, etc. Next couple of times I saw her, we talked a bit and again she would very clearly try to get my attention / start convos with me. Assumed it was friendly since again she is in a LTR. I'm a single guy but did not want to put much energy talking to someone in a relationship. Ultimately did decide to text her sometimes.

    Any time I would text her she seemed pretty engaged, just to talk about some things. Another time I saw her, she tells me we should snapchat each other more. After a bit, I realized she may have a little crush on me or something (others brought this to my attention - but again I'm hesitant).

    There were a couple of times when she told me over text that we should meet up, etc. Most of these times she was with her bf - again while I'm somewhat friends with her, I found it interesting how she kept trying to see me, etc.

    Fast forward a few weeks - I started texting her more and more. Again she seems pretty interested in the texts, would be responsive etc. One day, I hear from my close friend who is at their apartment - she brings up how I am texting her a lot, with her boyfriend there and stuff. So I get annoyed because I am not looking for any issues here - like she tells me to reach out, I am kinda interested in her at this point but not seriously due to her LTR. So I reach out over snapchat and ask her like why are you making a big deal about this - you told me to reach out to you. Supposedly she reads out the message with me saying "you know you told me to reach out to you initially" - and denies doing so to the room. But she messages me back saying she likes hearing from me etc. At the time, I was pretty drunk, so I tell her if my messages and snapchats are a problem, then stop snapchatting me, whatever.

    Next day, I text her apologizing for the night before as I was a bit embarrassed by the whole thing but I reiterate that I will stop reaching out since it seemed to be causing problems (bf seemed annoyed supposedly). In response, she sends me a few angry texts saying i was being such an a*hole and asks what could be so embarrassing - she likes talking about the stuff we talk about. I tell her - well I am a bit interested in you but obviously that's a sticky situation - and add I was trying to indirectly tell her that in the last message when I said I would stop.

    She tells me that she loves Jimmy (her bf) but that she hopes we can still talk, etc. And that she would snapchat whenever she feels like it. So I thought that was weird but forgot about the whole thing. Then I get a snapchat from her that night - just a general thing.

    Pretend that didn't happen and we keep exchanging snapchats daily. One day, she sends me multiple snapchats of several random things - so I decide to start texting her again the next morning about something random.

    This evolves into a weeks-long texting convo, messaging each other daily. I was leading the convo but she was responsive as usual - genuinely interested in getting to know each other. Mostly I would ask the questions but occasionally she would. At one point, her messages get a bit flirty but I remain reserved, given the circumstances.

    One day I decide to invite all them to my summer house in Mission Bay. She agrees to come and says all four of them (BF included) would be there on Saturday. Afterwards, our texts got a bit more flirty but I just had fun with it - and it was nothing explicit. One day, she texts me asking if I was free for MDW instead - I say I should be but my summer home may not be available. She said it's no worries she was just curious. I think this is odd so I say well if this weekend doesn't work it is what it is. She then mentions well it is her and Jimmy's anniversary and they are talking about it (somewhat as a side reference). But that she will let me know shortly if they will come. I'm like um ok this is interesting - and she never follows up. So next day, I ask if they're still coming; otherwise I would pick up my friend in San Diego myself. She replies saying "oh I said I'd come Saturday night" - as if it was not even a question. So I shrug and just continue the convo.

    Saturday night comes and they get to my house. We all start drinking and I sit at the table. She sits right next to me at the head - and her bf is at the other head of the table. She immediately asks me about previous girls I've dated, as we start playing Kings. At one point one of my girl friends facetimes me and I leave the room. She asks my friend how I knew her, am I with her, etc. Come back into the room and continue talking and playing. Somehow our convo turns into an animated political discussion (we both love talking politics) - that turns into me and her getting up debating with each other for a couple hours. At this point, her BF was outside on the porch with my other friends, but during our convo she, among other things, states she would give me a *explicit* if I voted Joe Biden, points out a baby pic of me on the wall saying I wish you were still him cause he was cuter, mentions something about one of her exes, says "you finally found someone who can go back and forth with you about politics," and pretty sure also made a comment saying "if you were my BF..."

    So I am of course uncomfortable but find this fun and keep talking/joking around. I don't say anything flirty because, well, her BF is in my house on the night of their anniversary (and seemed suspicious of me anyways). Then, she ends up sitting back on the couch with her BF and we all have a convo that lasts till about 3 AM. Next morning we all have coffee and her and her BF end up leaving at around 10:30 AM. On the way out she makes a comment implying she wants to come again - but at this point I'm confused but am of course for it - as it was a fun time.

    So at this point instead of keeping up the texting - I decide to facetime her that night. Ask if she's around and say I want to continue our convo and ask her something. She seems nervous but agrees. On the call I say you know I would date you, if you were single - in direct response to her Joe Biden comment the night before. She seems shocked by the whole thing - and I'm like well what did you expect me to say, etc. She tells me this was all "in your head" but then I give her a list of reasons as to why I don't believe that. Says she was very drunk and that the Biden comment was a joke. It was lighthearted but also a bit awkward and she says well what do you expect me to do - break up with him? I say no, I have no problems with him and like the guy (don't know him but again never gave me any issues beforehand). She says how would you feel if someone went after your gf - and I say well I wouldn't like it all but given the circumstances (and the show she put on the night before), and all our common interests, I just needed to state my mind here. So she tells me she's flattered but loves Jimmy. So I'm like fine we can be friends it's no worries. And she's like yeah she wants to be friends. Then she mentions that she has to tell Jimmy about this - so I'm confused but say um ok do you want me to talk to him (thinking if this was just a misunderstanding, it's funny and no hard feelings on my end - so why make this an issue?) During the call at some point she says I should go on the dating apps, etc. - to which I agree. Then, we end the call - kinda confused but it ends on a decent note I guess. She tells me to go "get blackout drunk tonight and we laugh."

    About 20 minutes later I get another facetime from her and she's all upset - she tells me Jimmy is very mad and that she gave him my number. At this point I'm annoyed but just rolling with this - she tells me that he may call me and say some "very mean things" - but to "just let them roll off your back." I say well what do you want me to do - not answer them? And she just shrugs. And she begs me not to mention the Biden comment to him. So I tell her trust me I'd have nothing to gain doing that and we end the call. Couple days later, I get a call from him in the morning. I ignore it and he texts me demanding me to answer. So I agree to speak with him next day.

    It's a very strange call - he's a weird guy. He starts off saying he's fine but wants to ask me some questions. Basically, it seems that he was looking for info - I tell him I'm just looking to defuse etc but I'm confused about what the point of this call is? I apologize for disrespecting the two of them but he tells me "you won't be seeing me again..." whatever. No threats, no personal insults even - I'm shocked. So at this point I'm confused and kinda pissed about this whole thing. Sent a text to her saying I didn't mention the joke to him and tried my best to defuse this, apologizing for this, but didn't get a response. Been sending snaps like nothing happened - she opens a lot of them instantly but haven't gotten one back from her. My friend over there tells me she's "upset" about this whole thing but doesn't seem mad at me. His GF tells my friend she was clearly baiting him (Me) here, and she wishes Jimmy would just get over this and put this behind him.

    What was she trying to do here - get her BF jealous, enjoyed my attention? Is she looking for "an out" of this relationship? I stand by that I did nothing wrong here - I mentioned this to her in part because I was uncomfortable with the whole thing but also wanted to state my position since this has become increasingly flirty and stuff. What was the point of making this a big deal - if this was all supposedly in my head?

  2. #2
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    Who cares. You were both highly inappropriate!

    How would you like someone to do that with someone you were dating?

  3. #3
    I agree - I totally wouldn't like that. However, that's why I facetimed her to clarify like look if you're single - sure. But I was trying to figure out what was going on here.

  4. #4
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    She has a bf, there is nothing to figure out. Obviously, she is not of great character and likes attention from others, this should have been your cue not to continue to engage.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    She is an attention seeker who gets off on creating drama. It could also be that you are being used as a dummy in some kind of immature role-playing to spice up their LTR. What should worry you here though is your poor judgment. What she is doing to her boyfriend is no different than what she would end up doing to you if you were to get with her. A smart guy would have cut her off on the spot and stop engaging her, not accommodate all this malarkey. It sounds like you enjoy drama as much as she does. No high value individual would disrespect her boyfriend like that and no self-respecting man would try to take said boyfriend's place. You really need to rethink your values when it comes to relationships.

  7. #6
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    I am not sure what you're confused or pissed or annoyed about. Come on, man. You knew what you were doing and you're not exactly an innocent party here. Time to drop that narrative.

    You've been engaging with another guy's girlfriend. Of course he doesn't like it and of course he doesn't want to see you again. And she evidently didn't intend to take it further or she wouldn't have freaked out and tried to back-pedal when she knew her boyfriend was going to call you. This girl is bored in her relationship but doesn't want to actually leave him for you. There's nothing more to figure out. She likes the attention and flirting but that's about it.

    Steer clear of her. She's not to be trusted.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Have a threesome?

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Have a threesome?
    I haven't read the rest of the replies but this is always a good suggestion! I agree!
    Last edited by dias; 05-24-2020 at 07:41 AM.

  10. #9
    Let me clarify that I am absolutely complicit in this and accept responsibility for my role in this. Just don't understand what her end game was. Although to be frank, not sure what my end game was either.

  11. #10
    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I am not sure what you're confused or pissed or annoyed about. Come on, man. You knew what you were doing and you're not exactly an innocent party here. Time to drop that narrative.

    You've been engaging with another guy's girlfriend. Of course he doesn't like it and of course he doesn't want to see you again. And she evidently didn't intend to take it further or she wouldn't have freaked out and tried to back-pedal when she knew her boyfriend was going to call you. This girl is bored in her relationship but doesn't want to actually leave him for you. There's nothing more to figure out. She likes the attention and flirting but that's about it.

    Steer clear of her. She's not to be trusted.
    Oh I am absolutely complicit in this and told the BF on the phone that as well. I am definitely not remotely interested anymore - this is more out of curiosity that I wrote this. I should have emphasized that more in the post. But trying to figure out what she was trying to do - as this was way more risky on her part. Everyone saw her at my house that night, so I'm guessing perhaps the BF also called her out as well.

    Part of me is wondering if she felt called out by me on the facetime call (which I was also doing), tried to cover it up and act loyal saying she's going to tell him - thinking she could sweep this under the rug, and then when she tells him he also called her out in a similar manner.

    Her second facetime call to me almost seemed like her realizing she screwed up as well, big time. But I don't know why she even bothered calling me to warn of his call, basically telling me not to take what he says seriously (why are you two still together?)

    Overall I will say - she is definitely a lot more normal of a person than he is from everyone's consensus. BF is an odd duck though - and his call was very strange.
    Last edited by caliboy12345; 05-24-2020 at 08:13 AM.

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