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Thread: Talking to guy with mental health issues

  1. #1
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    Talking to guy with mental health issues

    I probably havent put this in the right place but i wasnt really sure where to put it to be honest so, apologies if i have.

    So... i have been talking to this guy for just under a month now. We have never met and he lives the opposite end of the country to me.

    We have eachother on social media through a game we were both playing sometime last year. Spoke very briefly about that back at the time of adding eachother and that was it.


    Recently we started talking as i made a joke that i seemed to be liking all of his posts lately.... we have spoken pretty much every day since and once all of this is over with the lockdown he wants to come and visit and meet me.


    He seems to suffer quite badly with his mental health and tends to shut down when he is having a hard time rather than open up. I have told him im here to talk to and wouldnt think any different of him and that theres nothing he could say that would shock me or make me judge him as i have been through just about everything you can think of with members of my family.
    Obviously i know them alot better though so i find it easier to deal with them.


    I dont know how to be there for someone that i cant physically be there for and that i have never met before therefore dont really know all that well, especially when he wont open up to anyone. He doesnt shut me out completely, just says that hes sorry hes been distant and that hes feeling off again and not really talking to anyone.


    Any ideas on how to show him he can open up to me and that im there for him?

    Also, whats peoples opinions talking to someone you havent met like this?
    At first i thought it was odd that we would talk and that he wanted to meet but we get on really well and the conversation just flows. He keeps saying how he wishes i lived closer.
    But then i thought, is it really that different to if we'd have met through a dating app, which 1000s of people do every day?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    This guy sounds unavailable and not in a good place to have a long distance relationship. Which brings the question: Why are you trying to get into a difficult situation like that with someone who "lives the opposite end of the country" no less? Seeking to become someone's crutch/nurse does not lead to healthy relationships.

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    Originally Posted by Clio
    This guy sounds unavailable and not in a good place to have a long distance relationship. Which brings the question: Why are you trying to get into a difficult situation like that with someone who "lives the opposite end of the country" no less? Seeking to become someone's crutch/nurse does not lead to healthy relationships.
    Im not trying to get into a relationship with him. We're just having fun talking at the moment.

    Hes the one that wants to meet.

    Also, when i say the other end of the country, thats abit of an exaggeration, its a couple of hours drive.


    And im not seeking to become his emotional crutch. I was just looking for advice on how to show him that i was there if he was to ever decided he wanted to talk. I have seen through family members how debilitating it can be and know that they often feel like they have no one to turn to. I just wanted to let him know that he wasnt alone.

    I would do the same for anyone, regardless of how well i knew them as i have seen first hand the damage that can be done. 2 of my siblings suffer extremely badly and have tried on multiple occasions to take their own lives because they felt they had no one.

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    I would keep in mind that this is indeed a stranger you're talking to; you two aren't in a place where you can (or really should) be there for him.

    You don't know yet if anything he's told you about himself is true. I don't mean to suggest he doesn't suffer from mental health issues, but you don't know what his problems actually are or who he truly is. It's kind of you to be concerned but don't forget that this dude could be telling you just about anything and you have no real way to verify it. He might in fact be having a hard time, or he might already have a girlfriend or some other woman he's talking to. Be careful in positioning yourself as the supporter for someone you've never met, is my point.

    I would take a step back. He is showing you he doesn't want to open up to you at this point. I wouldn't try to press it. You've told him you'll be there for him, which is more than enough for an internet stranger. If he doesn't keep up communication, well, nothing really lost.

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    I would keep in mind that this is indeed a stranger you're talking to; you two aren't in a place where you can (or really should) be there for him.

    You don't know yet if anything he's told you about himself is true. I don't mean to suggest he doesn't suffer from mental health issues, but you don't know what his problems actually are or who he truly is. It's kind of you to be concerned but don't forget that this dude could be telling you just about anything and you have no real way to verify it. He might in fact be having a hard time, or he might already have a girlfriend or some other woman he's talking to. Be careful in positioning yourself as the supporter for someone you've never met, is my point.

    I would take a step back. He is showing you he doesn't want to open up to you at this point. I wouldn't try to press it. You've told him you'll be there for him, which is more than enough for an internet stranger. If he doesn't keep up communication, well, nothing really lost.
    He still keeps up communication. Even when he says hes having an 'off' day he still messages. Just not as much as he would normally. But even when he says he doesnt really feel like talking to anyone, he still messages atleast once to 'check in', as in just to check im ok and say hes sorry for being distant. Even though i keep telling him he doesnt have to apologise for not feeling like talking

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    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    i think you symphathize with his situation and want to help him.
    But reality is he is a stranger to you and he needs to help himself here.

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    Originally Posted by Spawn
    i think you symphathize with his situation and want to help him.
    But reality is he is a stranger to you and he needs to help himself here.
    I know that i cant help him or 'fix' him or anything like that and that he has to do all for that himself but i also know through family that it is easy to push people away without realising it and feeling like you have no one so i just wanted to show him that he wasnt alone

  9. #8
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
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    you have a good heart.
    Dont get too attached with people you meet online. Sometimes what we assume or think by the way they present themselves to us is not at all the truth.He has his issues and will need to work on it. Unfortunately this is not a healthy situation for you to be in. Things could be quite different in reality.You don't know him well enough to say he is a friend either, can't trust him.
    Leave him and make friends local to your place

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    Originally Posted by Poptart66
    I know that i cant help him or 'fix' him or anything like that and that he has to do all for that himself but i also know through family that it is easy to push people away without realising it and feeling like you have no one so i just wanted to show him that he wasnt alone
    I think you have already done so, really. You told him he doesn't need to apologize; he knows you're there.

    I would leave it at that. The rest is up to him. If he's not revealing more, I would not press him to do so. He's been talking to you, yes, but I don't think he feels he knows you well enough to want to open up more. You having been through a lot with family makes you more sympathetic to him but you are still a woman online he doesn't actually know.

    And again, this is assuming that what he's told you about himself is true. At this point, you don't know if it is. I will echo Spawn and encourage you not to get too attached. He isn't local and he's warned you he has mental health issues. It's not a great starting point so I would proceed with caution and keep your options open.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to say but it's inappropriate to pry and pester him to talk. He is not your social work project. Be friends but stop playing psychiatrist. It seems more like you are seeking a friend or someone to talk to because of your own issues.

    Therapy would be better than prying into the life and mind of this stranger.
    There are plenty of free 24/7 mental health hotlines available if you need to talk to someone.
    Originally Posted by Poptart66
    He seems to suffer quite badly with his mental health and tends to shut down when he is having a hard time rather than open up. He doesnt shut me out completely, just says that hes sorry hes been distant and that hes feeling off again and not really talking to anyone. Any ideas on how to show him he can open up to me and that im there for him?

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