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Thread: Completely or not completely done?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Apr 2020

    Completely or not completely done?

    So a couple months ago my girlfriend asked if we could just be friends again, so yeah she broke up with me, because relationships are hard for her and she said at the time she had a lot going on and the added stress of a relationship was taking a toll because she felt bad she wasn’t being totally present with me and needed time to figure herself out.
    We said we’d still talk and all that like we normally did but just as friends. Before we were officially together that’s what we did and it was great.
    However we didn’t really follow through on that. I’d message and sometimes never get a reply so I’d give her what space I figured she wanted but then we started going days without talking.
    She still had posts, which now most but not all are deleted of me and her, up and she even drunk texted me once recently saying she was Hanging out near my house.
    So recently I asked if maybe she still had any feelings for me. Obviously I do because I care for her so I let her know how I feel.
    She also never said anything like “I don’t have feelings for you anymore” or “I want to move on”
    And I just wanted to hear those words and know for sure she was done.
    So she told me she felt like she rushed into the relationship and that it’s not something she wants right now.
    I respect it and still can just be her friend.
    During the conversation though I told her something like “I just wanted to know that you didnt have feelings anymore and grew out of it and it’s cool and now I know”
    But after saying that she got defensive saying “hey that’s not true and I didn’t say that stop putting words in my mouth”
    I honesty meant no harm in saying that but that is what it is right?
    Also I still have her Xbox and even told her she could get it or I could drop it off, THREE TIMES already, but she never acknowledged it and never gave me an answer. She also still has some clothes of mine but I figure those probably aren’t too relevant.
    Now I suppose what I’m wondering here is:
    Could her saying she rushed it mean at some point soon she’d like to try us out again?
    Do drunk texts mean anything?
    Does her becoming defensive at me saying she has no feelings for me mean something or was I wrong in saying that?
    Does her still letting me keep her Xbox after I told her about it multiple times and never get a reply mean something?
    I’m fine with being her friend because I still do care about her. And yeah it does suck being apart like this especially after we’ve shared so much I figured we’d at least be close friends since no one caused any harm to the other.
    But I just wanna know what maybe anyone else thinks in this situation.
    Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Is she starting to date others? Are you? It seems the relationship is just a friendship now, no?

    Same situation?:[Register to see the link]

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    central Florida
    She's just not that into you. A woman who is crazy about you will make that crystal clear, and will never let you go. Not even once. Don't be friends with exes. No new woman will want to date you when that's happening. Tell her when you'll be boxing up her xbox and dropping it at her place. Best to get rid of reminders, since it will prolong your closure. Then delete and block her number. Your fate lies with someone else.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    I think you can be friends when you no longer question whether you can be friends. Also, denial can feel like a safe place, but don't overdue your stay.


  6. #5
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    Honestly, its hard for people to be up and straight because they secretly love the attention and want to keep the door open. Her not messaging you for her x box means she doesn't want to see you right now.I would just pack it up and put it aside and not think about it (I bet when she's feeling lonely this will be her way to keep contact with you)
    Her drunk texting you is because she knows you'll reply to her at whatever time. Girls know who to drunk text at night.
    The reason why she isn't giving you a straight answer is because she wants to feel desired and like she has options while she's probably out and about and unfortunately talking to other guys.
    What you should do is block and ignore her - be civil if you see her in person but you have to detach yourself. All you have asked from her is honesty, you were more than fair when you said 'if you want to be friends that's fine' you have be very mature in this situation and respectful. She hasn't - you need to remember that.
    If she can't give you a straight answer you will never get one - or when you get one is when she's feeling lonely and desperate (no offence to you) but if a girl wants to be with you trust me they will be.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    New Jersey
    You get to decide how long you'll want to play around with someone who keeps you on the back burner while moving her own interests forward. If you believe that this will somehow manipulate her into wanting the same investment that you want from this arrangement, it's not against the law, it just doesn't buy you anything.

    A longer time of hope and angst means holding yourself back from healing and learning how to pursue the kind of mutual investment that you deserve--from someone who's willing to give it.

    It's a decision Choose wisely.

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