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Thread: I want my ex back but she is engaged?!? Help!

  1. #1
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    I want my ex back but she is engaged?!? Help!

    Background: Met this cute Chaldean girl at work last July...we hit it off and started going on walk dates. Her Mom did not want her to go out with guys unless she is engaged. She wanted to be engaged within a few weeks of our first date. I explained to here that I wanted to develop a deeper connection ( it takes me longer to fall in love due to being hurt in the past ). It is good that we work together so I can still see her everyday and I always sneak a kiss to her at work when I can. She ends up getting let go from where we work due to lack of sales ( not anything we were doing I assume as others were let go ). She didn't like working there anyways although now we see each other much less, only way to see each other if for her to lie to her mom. Her mom eventually finds out and now she cant see me...this is around January. She cant see me anymore so I tell her I cannot marry her unless we can spend time together and get her family blessing. She breaks up with me and deletes me from facebook. She still contacts me and I play it cool and build attraction and we still fool around naked ( she is saving herself for marriage ). She says she wants to visit me since I work at home due to the covid although her mom wont let her go. She tells me her brother beats her and her family gangs up on her because her brother married an American girl and she divorced him and hurt him. I have never met her family and suggested to meet her mom but she says she hates me already. So she sends me some cute tik toks and I mail her a birthday gift which gets her in trouble with her family again. She stops contacting me so I visit her at work and find out her brother blocked me. She tells me she cant see me anymore and I just kiss her and tell her I love her , she is my girlfriend, and ask if it is because of her family and I'm American. She says she wants to see for one last time a day after her birthday.

    So on May 1st, she comes over and I got her a slice of cake with a candle and sing her happy birthday and dance with her, she immediately wants to go upstairs and we get naked , fool around, and take a nap naked. She wakes up with me smiling at her. She says her mom is calling her and that she has to go. I tell her I love her and she says I love you back. I kiss her and she runs out. She texts me later that day to ask why I was smiling and I said because I was so happy and I missed her. A few sweet dream texts everyday and then on May 5 I text her to ask how she is doing. She tells me we should stop texting for good and for me to have a nice life and be safe. I tell her I will miss her so much and that if she ever changes her mind and her family's opinion that I will be here for her. She says ok and that I need to find someone else. We say sweet dreams to each other for the last time and she blocks me.

    I check her facebook on May 10 and she is engaged to a chaldean. She never told me she was going to get engaged and I had just seen her 10 days ago so is this a rebound or forced marriage? Do I just let her go and hope she is happy? Do I fight for her? I am hurt but have no anger as she was sweet enough to see me for the last time? I am just worried she might not love him or being selfish to still want her back?

    I am devastated and crushed...what can I do? I miss her already and am losing it Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    If you are serious enough you go put a ring on her finger then.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. It sounds like she comes from strict religious/cultural family.Seems like a last fling for her before her marriage.
    Originally Posted by Dr Whom
    She tells me we should stop texting for good and for me to have a nice life and be safe. I check her facebook on May 10 and she is engaged to a chaldean.

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Leave her alone, stop contacting her. Her background and parents will not let her be with you. Sounds like an arranged/forced marriage to me and you have no hope of ever being with her.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Do not do this or contact her. She may be severely punished if you do. You seem to misunderstand her culture. The middle east is not an an American rom-com.
    Originally Posted by smackie9
    put a ring on her finger then.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
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    It sounds like she comes from a culture where women are not emancipated and could get beaten up or worse if it is perceived that they have "dishonored" their family. You don't sound like you want to commit to marrying her and she doesn't sound like she can go against her family. Imo, you should respect her wishes and let this go or you could get her beaten up or killed. Yes, it's probably an arranged marriage but that is not your business. You should respect her wish for no contact.

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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    If you are serious enough you go put a ring on her finger then.
    Thanks for the reply

    I wish it was that easy....Her dad died in Iraq from a suicide bomber so I suggested that I would ask her mom permission to marry her. I wanted to meet her mom and she said no because her mom already determined Americans are players for what a girl did to her son. She already was engaged before and she broke it off and her family had to move to a different city because of stigma in her culture? She has told me that she hates chaldeans and wants to marry for love which is why this more upsetting to me. It is not like I took her for granted although I am sure i made many mistakes ( I'm human ).

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    Thanks for the reply

    Her dad died in Iraq from a suicide bomber so I suggested that I would ask her mom permission to marry her. I wanted to meet her mom and she said no because her mom already determined Americans are players for what a girl did to her son. She already was engaged before and she broke it off and her family had to move to a different city because of stigma in her culture? She has told me that she hates chaldeans and wants to marry for love which is why this more devasting to me.

  10. #9
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    Thanks for the reply.

    She admitted that her brother hit her ( she showed me the bruises ) and it was because of me. I offered her my home if she ever needed to run away ( she mentioned this to me as well )

    Her dad died in Iraq from a suicide bomber so I suggested that I would ask her mom permission to marry her. I wanted to meet her mom and she said no because her mom already determined Americans are players for what a girl did to her son. She already was engaged before and she broke it off and her family had to move to a different city because of stigma in her culture? She has told me that she hates chaldeans and wants to marry for love which is why this more devasting to me.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by Clio
    It sounds like she comes from a culture where women are not emancipated and could get beaten up or worse if it is perceived that they have "dishonored" their family. You don't sound like you want to commit to marrying her and she doesn't sound like she can go against her family. Imo, you should respect her wishes and let this go or you could get her beaten up or killed. Yes, it's probably an arranged marriage but that is not your business. You should respect her wish for no contact.
    Thanks for the reply.

    She admitted that her brother hit her ( she showed me the bruises ) and it was because of me. I offered her my home if she ever needed to run away ( she mentioned this to me as well )

    Her dad died in Iraq from a suicide bomber so I suggested that I would ask her mom permission to marry her. I wanted to meet her mom and she said no because her mom already determined Americans are players for what a girl did to her son. She already was engaged before and she broke it off and her family had to move to a different city because of stigma in her culture? She had told me that she hates chaldeans and wants to marry for love which is why this more devasting to me.

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