Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 4 of 8 FirstFirst 1234567 ... LastLast
Results 31 to 40 of 80

Thread: I want my ex back but she is engaged?!? Help!

  1. #31
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,074
    Gender
    Female
    To me though it sounds like for one thing this girl's family already didn't like you, only because you are not from their culture. They had literally no other reason not to like you. So as you can see, her family are extremely traditional and follow their culture and religion very strictly. They are not open-minded or open to people from another background. At least not for marriage. I don't think you would have been accepted by their family and this girl is controlled by them. So I imagine even if you married, they would always rule your relationship.

    Also even if you're interested in marriage in general, don't you want to actually have a choice in how it all goes down? You were trying to date this girl and you basically got told you need to get engaged. TOLD by her and her family, not chosen.

    I know you said maybe in their culture engaged just means you can date but the way I understood it is that all dating is with the idea that if the engagement goes well, you WILL get married. So marriage is always the end point. And you must marry whether you want to or don't, you have no choice. This is completely different from Western culture.

    In Western culture you take your time getting to know someone, live with them, then decide if they are "the one". Marriage is a very serious thing. If you're going to marry someone you haven't known long just out of panic, it has a very high chance to go badly. This girl has no choice in it but you do. You are American, so you have the freedom to date whoever you want and to do it on your terms and at your own pace. I know maybe you love this girl, but we don't love only one person in our whole life. You can love someone else again. And honestly if you do want a wife, you would be MUCH better off to find a woman from a non traditional culture. Getting Ready for a First Date
    Last edited by Tinydance; 05-22-2020 at 08:22 PM.

  2. #32
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    766
    Gender
    Male
    you shouldn't have regrets, if you both were meant to be, it would be right? look at it from a different perspective, if she was in love with you she would be with you not get engaged to someone else. there is always a background that will never be known to you, she is from different culture.

    i can understand its a bitter pill to swallow experience, just take it for now and understand things don't go our way sometimes but we learn and apply ourselves next time.

    Concentrate on your life now, think for a while, take some time off, you will know its the best course of action under the circumstances.

  3. #33
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    43
    Originally Posted by Spawn
    you shouldn't have regrets, if you both were meant to be, it would be right? look at it from a different perspective, if she was in love with you she would be with you not get engaged to someone else. there is always a background that will never be known to you, she is from different culture.

    i can understand its a bitter pill to swallow experience, just take it for now and understand things don't go our way sometimes but we learn and apply ourselves next time.

    Concentrate on your life now, think for a while, take some time off, you will know its the best course of action under the circumstances.
    Yeah the regret is killing me right now...she wanted a ring for Christmas. I should have done it in hindsight. I ended up getting her a heart necklace instead wrapped around a stuffed animal of her favorite Disney my character.

    She had all this year to fall out of love with me. I should have proposed when she saw me the last time ( I thought I won her back for some reason ). I feel her message what I was thinking I should have said that you are my beautiful wife.

    Life just moves too fast for me as I cannot process my thoughts and feelings fast enough as required.

    I really messed this up for us

  4. #34
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    43
    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    To me though it sounds like for one thing this girl's family already didn't like you, only because you are not from their culture. They had literally no other reason not to like you. So as you can see, her family are extremely traditional and follow their culture and religion very strictly. They are not open-minded or open to people from another background. At least not for marriage. I don't think you would have been accepted by their family and this girl is controlled by them. So I imagine even if you married, they would always rule your relationship.

    Also even if you're interested in marriage in general, don't you want to actually have a choice in how it all goes down? You were trying to date this girl and you basically got told you need to get engaged. TOLD by her and her family, not chosen.

    I know you said maybe in their culture engaged just means you can date but the way I understood it is that all dating is with the idea that if the engagement goes well, you WILL get married. So marriage is always the end point. And you must marry whether you want to or don't, you have no choice. This is completely different from Western culture.

    In Western culture you take your time getting to know someone, live with them, then decide if they are "the one". Marriage is a very serious thing. If you're going to marry someone you haven't known long just out of panic, it has a very high chance to go badly. This girl has no choice in it but you do. You are American, so you have the freedom to date whoever you want and to do it on your terms and at your own pace. I know maybe you love this girl, but we don't love only one person in our whole life. You can love someone else again. And honestly if you do want a wife, you would be MUCH better off to find a woman from a non traditional culture.
    More like they gave me a chance...she wanted a ring for Christmas and I got her a necklace instead. This started the downward spiral in my opinion as this proved their point that I was not interested in marriage to her. If I propose then, it proves to them and her I am serious. This is my Painful regret

  5.  

  6. #35
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,123
    Gender
    Male
    Best for everyone if you just leave her alone.

  7. #36
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2016
    Posts
    43
    Originally Posted by ninjabib
    Best for everyone if you just leave her alone.
    Thanks for the reply

    The first response I got here was to basically propose to her. She has broken off a previous engagement so I was thinking what to do I have to lose?

    The vast majority believe I have nothing to gain and can only cause pain or worse.

  8. #37
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,519
    Gender
    Male
    She was the one who told you to leave her alone, not reddit, this one, that one or whoever "the vast majority" is. That is all that matters..

  9. #38
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2015
    Posts
    973
    Originally Posted by Dr Whom
    Thanks for the reply

    The first response I got here was to basically propose to her. She has broken off a previous engagement so I was thinking what to do I have to lose?

    The vast majority believe I have nothing to gain and can only cause pain or worse.
    ^^^ I totally agree with this last sentence. Stop re-hashing the past! Like I said before, it serves no purpose whatsoever other than getting you upset and stressed out. You cannot go with "If only" or "what if", etc. It's over and done with. Period. Please don't look back; it will hinder your healing and put you back to square one. Know that you must go through the grieving process in order to move forward. Here's a link if you are unfamiliar with it: [Register to see the link]

    You've suffered a loss. What you are experiencing is normal. You need to pick up the pieces and go on with life. I know what I am talking about. I was dumped by my ex-husband after 29 years of marriage. Can you imagine how I felt? I felt like you, probably much worse. But, know that I found the light at the end of the tunnel. You will too. Give yourself time. It's the only thing that truly works. Hang in there. You can and will do it!

  10. #39
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2018
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    1,123
    Gender
    Male
    OP it's just not meant to be.

  11. #40
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,010
    Gender
    Female
    I think the family wants to preserve their culture since it all has almost obliterated from war and others fleeing. They don't want any outsiders.

Page 4 of 8 FirstFirst 1234567 ... LastLast

Videos


Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems

Friendship Between Men and Women Often Involves Attraction

Infidelity

Most Women Rather Not Date Unemployed Men
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •