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Thread: Being unfriend by ex. ( Advice for this messy situation please )

  1. #1
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    Being unfriend by ex. ( Advice for this messy situation please )

    What would you even feel or think in this situation?

    This is quite a tale so please bear with me. I had the worst and basically the only true fight Iíve ever had with my ex back in December. Itís too much detail to go into but Ill try to condense. We had picked up talking again for a few months like we did when we were flirting and in our relationship after extensively reforging a connection on a group Pax trip months after our breakup. I was supposed to hang out with him in Oregon for his birthday but we had an emotionally charged fight 2 days before my trip so he changed his mind. He had revealed to me during our heavy 3 hour call (which he cried intensely )the deep extents of his depression and dire up and downs with his type 1 diabetes. I assured , comforted and listened as hard as I could.

    Our call ended on a bitter sweet note. Hearing him so distressed learning the extents of his turmoil made me want to talk to him in person. I couldnít leave it be so when my flight landed I decided to see him. I called him and he had said ď Hey Iím about to shower so I canít talk long but whatís up..?Ē ď I said ď Dont be mad but Iím around if you want to talk.Ē He immediately freaked out and said ď WHAT I said Iím not right state of mind for this. I canít . This is too much.Ē I say a few things but he hangs up
    I get really really really upset. I say ď why are you so afraid of me????Ē What is making you this anxious?? Please, why canít you just come down to talk for 2 mins...Ē
    Itís cold as hell , raining , getting darker and Iím by myself in a city I donít know over here texting him back and forth on the streets.

    He says this is ed up
    And that I need to go. My phone is close to dying and Iím here pleading with him. Tell him ďPlease Iím at 2% ď. He says , ďWhat ? Go charge your phone pleaseĒ

    He replies with a paragraph not even acknowledging anything I said about how I felt like he doesnít care about me, how I always considered him highly and valued him where was that ever for me? Why do you push away the people that care the the most? How I was just shaking outside having people ask if Iím alright. He goes on to say how I am twisting his hand , that this is messed up and I donít just randomly show up, that if I think people touching my shoulder in concern makes me right that Iím delusional. That the people asking me if Iím okay dont know the real reason Iím there. That this is creepy im done talking bye.
    Luckily my friend from California was driving down anyways to join up for the trip so I had her.

    The day after I apologized severely and intensely. ( I really shouldnít have looking back now)
    I told him that after what he revealed to me that night I just wanted to be there for him , and make him feel better somehow. That Iíll give him space and wonít speak to him for the rest of the trip. I told him to please take care.

    During the reminder of my trip over there I posted so many Snapchat photos of it with me and my friend and he didnít remove me. 2 weeks after my trip his birthday crawls along. His birthday was the 22nd of December and I didnít send him anything. Same with Christmas. Come Christmas Iím over here posting my dog in pjs and other dumb stuff and he doesnít care yet when I posted my last photo of an up close picture of me smiling on Snapchat, I see Iím removed from EVERYTHING imaginable all at once. It struck me cause after our breakup he avoided my Snapchat but didnít remove me. I was hurt beyond words but didnít lash out. We havenít talked since. Iím in a much better place but sometimes I really wonder about all of it. It still lingers in my mind a bit from time to time.

    I would deeply appreciate any insight on this. Please guys. I just need assorted thoughts from outsiders.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. How long were you dating? Was it long distance? What was the breakup about? It would be best to block and delete him from social media.

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    He told you he didnít want to be in a relationship with you.

    Unfortunately , you didnít accept that. And you decided itís because of his diabetes and being depressed over it.
    Yes he may have been struggling to come to terms with his diagnosis etc and lifestyle changes he has to make , blurted it out to you, but you decided that he needs a carer and really wants to be with you and only choosing not to be with you because somehow he is delusional?!

    Sorry, but you turning up at his doorstep was fecked up!!!

    You then are full of self pity because you are in a city you donít know , cold , raining , dark and texting him back and forth in the streets despite having only 2% battery! Oh the drama!!! That YOU created for yourself.

    And then the remainder of your trip , happily posting several pics on snap chat. Not homeless in a cardboard box in a city you donít know, but fully charged phone!

    You say he doesnít care because he never acknowledged your snap chat photos? And think itís significant that when you post a close up selfie he blocks you?
    Itís not!? He just wasnít on snap chat much(as you said) and when he probably felt a bit better in himself and dealing with his diabetes better etc started interacting more in social media and culled people.

    Donít take it so personally.

    It was absolutely wrong of you to turn up at his doorstep unannounced. It was insulting to him. It was dismissive of the people close to him in his life and to be honest it was a bit selfish of you.

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    Itís not as bad these days! We were dating for a month but were talking for 6 months. It was long distance. He lived couple states away from me!

    The break up was him realizing he needed to focus on himself to better take care of himself and wanting to focus on his career of streaming from home. I respected it but itís just hard when you both still have feelings for each other but they are closed off.

    It just hurt cause when he hurt me I forgave him yet when I ďsleightĒ him I get removed?? After our break up he didnít remove me and just opted for not looking at my stuff....so this really shook my world.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Sounds like you misjudged your friendship after the break up. You did a good job taking a step back after he was rude to you and didn't want to see you outside. It's probably a good idea at this time to stop with the snapchat, social media posts or delete and block him for yourself. Don't seek attention from him anymore. Get off the social media for awhile. You might be a bit too dependent on it.

    Did you ever meet each other when you were dating or was it an online type of relationship? You said it was long distance. How did you meet each other?

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    Iím not sure how to directly reply to someone ughhhhahhh mobile is weird

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by StickyFlan
    He immediately freaked out and said ď WHAT I said Iím not right state of mind for this. I canít . This is too much.Ē I say a few things but he hangs up
    I get really really really upset. I say ď why are you so afraid of me????Ē What is making you this anxious?? Please, why canít you just come down to talk for 2 mins...Ē
    Itís cold as hell , raining , getting darker and Iím by myself in a city I donít know over here texting him back and forth on the streets.
    Any chance he might have had a girl up there? I agree that his reaction seemed a bit over the top.

    I don't know why he blocked you, but I truly believe it's for the best. Nobody needs this silly crap in their lives.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    This dude is shady. It sounds to me he was seeing or with someone when you showed up. That would explain him freaking out like a madman. Tip: when they remove you from social media...that's usually because their GF told them to.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    So if I understand this correctly, you were chatting long distance for 6 months, you barely dated for a month, then he told you he isn't interested in pursuing things with you anymore. After some time you continued to chat some more.

    OP, you really didn't date long enough to even call him an ex, let alone show up at his house uninvited. That was a level of crazy behavior on your part that you are lucky he didn't call the cops on you. He would have been justified. Please leave him alone and never contact him again.

    Blocking you on social media is normal and proper behavior for a person who no longer wants you in their life. It's not some kind of revenge or upset or whatever. People are supposed to move on and that's what he is doing. You are not friends and were never really such.

    You might want to get off this online and long distance business and focus on living in the present in real life, date locally, go on real dates, develop actual relationships. Online long distance is 90% fantasy and the other 10%, as you are learning the hard way, is the rude awakening that reality isn't what you imagined it to be.

    You got way over invested in this idea of a relationship and way overstepped your boundaries in reality.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    This dude is shady. It sounds to me he was seeing or with someone when you showed up. That would explain him freaking out like a madman. Tip: when they remove you from social media...that's usually because their GF told them to.
    Really? So if someone you barely know, dated barely a month suddenly showed up at your doorstep at night, completely uninvited, you would be totally cool with that? Invite them right in? You are way nicer than I am. I'd think this person is dangerously unhinged and no way would I want anything to do with them. I don't think the guy was shady at all. I think the OP was beyond out of line.

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