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Thread: moving on however difficult it may be

  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2020
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    moving on however difficult it may be

    hello forum.
    this is my first post.

    I was dating a man five years ago. we me online and dated for about 2 months. he said he wanted to take things slow and at the time I was really lonely and clingy and gave him an ultimatum of relationship or nothing.

    he said no to relationship and we stopped talking.

    fast forward to last summer, I was recently out of a long term relationship and we started flirting again, I saw on his facebook that he was single.

    that lasted about 1 month. same thing again. I wanted to take things further, but he is really aloof and sometimes into his hobbies and work and basically on another planet and hard to contact a lot of times.

    that ended bad, he blocked me on facebook. a few weeks later I apologized for trying to force him and he accepted my apology and the next day said we could be friends if I wanted that. I said ok. The next day he posted that he was in a relationship with someone else. I was truly happy for him.


    I have not talked to him much, but I was thinking about texting him. He usually texts back. We had AMAZING chemistry. but I understand that he just wanted to be friends. He lives about an hours drive from where I live.

    Ive been feeling really lonely, my cat just passed and I m just alone and lost.


    Is it OK, to be his friend and just text him??? Thank you for your advice.

  2. #2
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2019
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    Sorry about your cat. Hugs.

    He is not your friend though. "Let's be friends" is just something people say when breaking up. You tried twice with this guy in five years and you and he remain the same different, incompatible people. Also he got into a relationship within weeks after your last fallout, so it doesn't sound like he was always that slow with relationships. Maybe he just doesn't feel you two are a match.

    When you talk about chemistry you are not in a "friends" mindset. You can't be friends if either of you still have romantic feelings for the other, especially if he's still in a relationship. You risk hurting yourself again if you reach out to him for friendship. Do you have other friends or family for emotional support?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
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    I'm really sorry about your cat. Coronavirus quarantine has been a very difficult time. I'm sorry but I think this guy is just not that into you. The first time you dated for two months, he had enough time to decide if he wanted a relationship with you or not. And obviously he didn't. And also didn't the second time around either. I don't think he wants to be friends for real. I think he just said that to be polite. I think he's not really that interested in you in any capacity sorry.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'm very sorry for the loss of your cat especially during this time. No, don't contact him. He's with someone else and he and you didn't really see eye to eye previously. It'll drag you down and drag your self-esteem through the mud again. It's not worth it.

    Practice lots of self-care.. I saw in another thread that you emphasized loving yourself. That's the right idea. Love yourself and give yourself space to cry about your current loss. You can post here to your heart's content and check the forums. Read, listen to music, watch movies, would making a collage or a memorial for your cat be helpful? Something to commemorate your time together and take a moment to remember.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear about your cat. It would be best to focus your energy on someone else.
    Originally Posted by violetstar
    The next day he posted that he was in a relationship with someone else. We had AMAZING chemistry.


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