Please someone give me feedback

I have been in a relationship for 4 years. Me and my boyfriend broke up a couple times. I had sex with someone else. I ended up pregnant with my amazing son and we dont who his father is yet. But I cant stop thinking about the other guy, even before I had my son. My boyfriend and I have been a rocky relationship he has grown into a great person, but he use to put his hands on me hasn't since I had my child he is now 7 months. But He was putting his hands on me while I was pregnant. We argue about stupid things and he doesn't trust me. But I am constantly thinking about the other guy. I am thinking about the amazing sex, the connection everything. The other guy tells me that he is thinking about me too, but he is also in a relationship and they are on and off a lot. I dont know what to do as far as should I stay with my boyfriend even though I have serious doubts about our relationship even before the other guy. Or should I leave and be by myself, because if I leave it wont be to hop into another relationship but to just simply be by myself with my son. Because I dont know how things are going to go once we get the DNA test & my son comes back the other guy. THE OTHER GUY: I cant stop thinking about him, he makes me feel a way that my boyfriend doesn't, we dont talk everyday or anything. I just dont feel like it's normal how much I think about him or the sex. I've known him for about 6 years we werent friends just hung out through other people. The chemistry was so strong then as well but we never pursued each other until about 2 years ago. Now I have a 7 month old who I truly think is his (the other guys) child. My boyfriend is okay with him not being his son if that's the case which is so sweet & kind of him because most people wouldn't do that, he loves me, takes care of me and son because I lost my job and I feel like a horrible person because I am constantly thinking about the other guy and fantasizing. I dont know what to do about the whole situation . BELIEVE ME I KNOW IT IS A LOT.

First, your son DESERVES to know who his father is . Second, NEVER stay with someone who abuses you, period. Three ,other guy isn’t available and neither are you , at present.

How can you say your boyfriend is such a good guy if he gets violent with you? And he was even being violent when you were expecting a baby! I think you're in serious denial, your boyfriend is NOT a good guy! Abusers are not nice people. The whole situation sounds like too much of a mess. Even if this is the other guy's baby, the other guy is already in an on and off relationship. Are you polyamorous? If not then why do you want to share that guy with another woman? He's not really single. Also is there a reason that you haven't done the paternity test yet in seven months?

You are right after my mom past 2 years ago I feel like I am denial about him & no I'm not polyamorous & my boyfriend doesn't want to know & he doesn't want me or my son around the other guy & when I tried to sneak & get the DNA test with the other guy his dad died the day before we were going to do it & believe me it is a mess a HUGE mess

You're right 🤦🏿♀️

Do you have any family or is it just your son and you? I don't think you should be anywhere near your boyfriend or dating him and neither should your son. It's always easy speaking from the outside. You brought up a lot of good points already such as the other man's on/off relationship. This doesn't sound at all like a reliable person. Don't date the same types of people that aren't good for you - unstable, unreliable etc.

My personal opinion? I think you should try making it on your own with your son and forget the paternity test for now. Your son deserves to know who is father is but not with his mother going from one unhealthy relationship to another. Deal with one thing at a time. A lot of people aren't able to work or are at reduced hours right now and it's enough to drive most up the wall. Don't give in to toxic and negative thoughts. Start planning a way out of this current relationship. If you really were happy in your current relationship you wouldn't look elsewhere or crave the attention of someone else. Try and figure something out and break this pattern.

What struck me as I read your post is that you sound like someone with a really big heart. I can feel it all the way over here. You sound really upset by the current situation, which is understandable and I don’t mean to minimize your feelings when I say this: My suggestion is to try to cut yourself some slack and relax first and foremost. Find a way to get some soul serenity before you make any decisions. You sound just a bit more upset than the present moment really warrants.

When we’re worked up and disturbed and operating from fear, our choices reflect and even intensify those feelings in our lives. When we quiet the monkey mind and make decisions from a calm and peaceful heart then the outcomes are usually better.

You’re a new mom and you’re doing a great job! Your son is healthy and safe. You have two men who like you! Maybe one or both are not contributing to your highest sense of life, but hey some people are in agony right now that nobody is interested in them. If you do nothing about anything today, tomorrow or next week you are not directly harming anybody.

That said, only you know the true answers to these kinds of questions, but are you hurting yourself by trying to be with either of these guys? As your son gets older and starts watching the men in your life and learning how to treat women, will either of these men set the bar high enough for what you want for him? I think you’re in a situation where soul-searching is more important than immediate action, even though instinct is to DO SOMETHING/FIX IT when we feel confused, lost or frustrated. Take the time to look within and tap in to your deepest consciousness and *then* you can begin acting with faith and confidence in whatever you choose.

I’m sleep deprived so please take this all with a grain of salt haha. But do know that I said a little prayer for you and your son and I wish you the best.

Get a paternity test and decide what is best for YOUR son and YOU together. **Sexual desires should not be used to determine very important life decisions.

As a person whose father was physically and verbally abusive to my mother and every woman unfortunate enough to cross his path, I would say get out and avoid anyone who loses it and assaults you physically or verbally. Couples have arguments. It's normal. But abuse is abuse and neither you or your child deserve that. Being around people like that, does long term emotional damage to you and your child/children. My mother had low self esteem and was shy. He took advantage. She ended up thinking it was her fault, in some way. Beating her even when she was pregnant. Always coming back with he didn't mean it and that he would "change". Please, value yourself. You deserve the best, not the worst. And don't settle for someone someone who is just better than nothing at all. 👍🏼❤

You child is entitled to support from the father.

I tried to sneak & get the DNA test with the other guy

Anyone who puts his hands on a woman is certainly NOT sweet and kind. Give your head a shake. I think you'd be better off alone with your son than with a man who abuses you. What are you thinking?

What if your son is the other guy's child? Is he going to leave his gf for you? Will he provide financial support for your son? You will need a lawyer at some point to sort this all out and receive support for your child.

Get away from the abusive bf. This is dangerous for you and your child.

You need to get therapy and not date for a long while. You are not ready for a relationship after a long-term abusive relationship. Also, what makes you think the other guy is a great catch if he is cheating on his gf. Your picker is way off when it comes to men. Do right by your child, this is where your focus should be.

Move in with family if necessary.