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Thread: problems with neighbour

  1. #1
    Gold Member kathy679's Avatar
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    problems with neighbour

    Not sure if this is the right topic area to post this but i have a problem with a neighbour.
    I think this neighbour has autism or some learning difficulties as she seems to say things to rub me up the wrong way and she doesnt realise.
    The other night i was trying to help another friend of mine who has just been made homeless. Its been a huge strain on me as this homeless friend has been contractually paid to do some work on my home repairs but cant as hes homeless.
    Anyway this neighbour messaged me at 11.30pm asking for help as she has lost her house keys. I messaged back and said your lucky you have just lost your keys my friend has just lost his home and hes sleeping in a tent in the garden. She then messaged back saying id never let my bf sleep in the garden i care about him too much. It was like she was implying that im not being very caring because i wont have him in my home. So it got my back up. I dont have him in my home bacause my home is tiny and i can hear him snoring, even through the walls. Plus he likes sleeping in my tent he says he prefers it.

    She totally missed the point i was making, which is some people have bigger problems than just losing some keys. This is what makes me think she may be autistic. It did get my back up abit though because i dont need 11.30pm text messages with people off loading their problems on me. The next day she was messaging me again about her keys as well making it my problem again.

    Since she has moved in she has spoke alot about all her problems to the point where ive felt quite drained, shes quite natuarlly negative and struggles with simple things. Ive given her help in her house with dly and another neighbour says shes always knocking on his door asking for help and he resents it.

    Well today it esculated, we was talking and i spoke about my homeless friend and how the home repairs have come to a hault and she turns around and says i dont want to hear it ive got enough of my own problems. It instantly got my back up again (she has a habit of doing that). I went inside and i thought how rude this girl is. Ive listened to all her problems and helped her and shes just cut me off and it upset me. So i sent her a text saying if you dont want to listen to my problems please dont message me at 11.30pm again please telling me about your problems.

    Well she thought i was being rude by saying this. As shes got difficulties and i suspect she wont understand shes rubbed me up the wrong way. Even although she cut me up in my conversation and said she doesnt need to hear it she cant see how her actions affected me.

    Anyway under normal circumstances this wouldnt bother me as i wouldnt need to see her again but shes my neighbour and we share a hallway and its a shared garden so i now have to see her all of the time. This is now going to be really awkward, any advice on how to handle this? I know me and her are chalk and cheese anyway so i would gladly not talk to her anymore but i could do without the awkwardness this has now created.

    Another issue i have with her aswell is she stinks. Her and her boyfriend really stink. That would normally be non of my business either but when they open their front door the smell travels up the stairs and up the hallway and if i open my front door it seeps into my flat. Its apoly ransid, the smell is really strong. I cant even describe how horrible the smell is! Ive spoke to their landlord and hes told the estate agents. But nothings been done. This is another issue i have with them but im unsure what i can do about it. I could do without the nasty smell i have to inhale everytime they open their front door and i certainly do not need it in my home either

  2. #2
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Yikes!!!

    I guess the first thing you might do is cease communicating with her entirely, other than a polite nod in the hallway. Don't answer your phone if she calls you at odd hours, or better yet, block her number.

    You clearly don't want this person for a friend, so you might as well stop letting her in on your personal life.

  3. #3
    Gold Member kathy679's Avatar
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    She was on my facebook but ive blocked her. You cant block someone from where you live though unfortunately. I will feel awkward now just walking past her. I have to pass hers every time i go out the main door.
    On alot of occassions i have to go down and open the front door to get the awful smell out of the hallway becasue its seeping into my flat as the smell is really strong and as shes in real close proximity to me.

    To be honest ceasing communication would be a good thing. Its going to be awkward if i see her chatting to my neighbour who i get on with though. As he will wonder why im not coming over to talk. Which is a shame

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Is it a cooking smell or a body odor smell?

    It doesn't have to be awkward, just smile and nod when you see her, and keep moving.

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  6. #5
    Gold Member kathy679's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Is it a cooking smell or a body odor smell?

    It doesn't have to be awkward, just smile and nod when you see her, and keep moving.
    The smell is like nothing ive ever smelt before. I have tried to describe it to my homeless friend, he thought i was over exadurating until he came to visit and now he can see why its so distressing for me.
    The only smell ive smelt that smells similar to it is: i went to my fridge and there was some halloumi sitting in a packet in its own water, it had gone out of date and was sweating in the packet. She smellt similar to that. Both her and her boyfriend stink. Even When they are outside you can smell them! I think its a mixutre of uncleanleness and bad diet and bad living. I dont no but i dont need it coming up the stairs and into my home. Its awful.

  7. #6
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    No one has to be friends with neighbours but I would refrain from diagnosing people.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    Right. There's no law that says you have to associate with your neighbors. It's clearly not working out for you, so what exactly are you afraid of? You don't want to offend them? Too bad. They have offended you. You don't have to be hostile with them, just stop associating with them. You have a right to your privacy.

  9. #8
    Gold Member kathy679's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by SarahLancaster
    Right. There's no law that says you have to associate with your neighbors. It's clearly not working out for you, so what exactly are you afraid of? You don't want to offend them? Too bad. They have offended you. You don't have to be hostile with them, just stop associating with them. You have a right to your privacy.
    I guess i am affraid of feeling on edge and this in turn taking the enjoyment out of me living in my home. I dont want hostility i dont want any bad vibes at all. But i also want to be able to sit outside and not feel on edge when she pulls up in her car. Or to meet in the corridor and me to feel awkward.
    I am glad that shes no longer a friend as i dont want to listen to her problems or have to help her anymore but i also dont want her to be nasty with me either.

  10. #9
    Gold Member kathy679's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    No one has to be friends with neighbours but I would refrain from diagnosing people.
    True. Whether shes autistic or not has no relevance to this at all. I guess i was just trying to make sense of why she acts the way she does. We are just chalk and cheese.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by kathy679
    Anyway this neighbour messaged me at 11.30pm asking for help as she has lost her house keys. I messaged back and said your lucky you have just lost your keys my friend has just lost his home and hes sleeping in a tent in the garden.
    I don't understand why you said this. You could have just helped her get into her house and called it a night.

    Originally Posted by kathy679
    She totally missed the point i was making, which is some people have bigger problems than just losing some keys.
    That doesn't make any sense. She was asking for help.

    Her losing her keys has nothing to do with your friend and his tent. It's just a mean-spirited thing to imply that asking for help means asking for pity.

    I think your commentary probably made matters worse than they otherwise would have been.

    Maybe you don't like her, and that's fine. But if you're rude to someone, it's silly to act surprised when there are consequences.

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