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Thread: problems with neighbour

  1. #31
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    What's the big deal if a neighbor gets locked out? A little inconvenient maybe but what goes around comes around. Try to be on good terms with people, you don't have to be buds or share too much.
    Originally Posted by kathy679
    this neighbour messaged me at 11.30pm asking for help as she has lost her house keys. I messaged back and said your lucky you have just lost your keys my friend has just lost his home and hes sleeping in a tent in the garden.

  2. #32
    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    So do you have a key to her place or did she just want you to get up and help you search?

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    But also before you move somebody into a common backyard you should have asked all your neighbours if that was OK AND your landlord. Because now people have a reason to complain about you.
    I would not be cool with that!

    If he is a friend, then why haven't you allowed him to sleep on the sofa? None of this makes any sense to me, most especially , you telling her about him.

  4. #34
    Platinum Member browneyedgirl36's Avatar
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    It sounds as though you and your neighbor are just not compatible at all and that even being friendly (not friends, just even friendly) is not a good idea.

    I have to admit I was puzzled by your post because, as others have pointed out, it seems as though you were dismissing your neighbor's concern about her lost keys by telling her that your homeless friend has it much worse than her; you may not have intended it, but that kind of response can be very hurtful to people. Yes, her lost keys are probably NOT a problem of the same magnitude as homelessness, but as a friend once pointed out to me, "suffering is relative"; while your homeless friend's suffering may seem far worse to you -- and to him -- than your neighbor getting locked out of her apartment, to HER getting locked out IS serious, and you telling her that other people have it worse probably came off as very dismissive of her feelings. I have a friend who does this sort of thing ALL the time, with everyone. Her problems are always "worse" than everyone else's, according to her. If anyone has a problem, she has to "one-up" it with a far more dramatic problem, not realizing that everyone's problems are "dramatic" to them.
    I think your neighbor cutting you off and not wanting to hear what you had to say later on was her way of getting back at you for dismissing her -- she decided she was going to do the same thing to you that she felt you did to her. It's petty, and childish, but...people do that when their feelings get hurt.

    My advice is to steer clear of her. If you don't want to listen to her problems or help her, don't, but don't do it sometimes and then be upset that she takes advantage, etc. She can't take advantage if you don't let her. As far as the smell is concerned, well...that may be something you have to take up with the landlord/property manager, but if that doesn't work, you may have to invest in something that can diffuse the smell. If you can't use room sprays, perhaps a hanging air freshener or two in the hallway might help? That way, it wouldn't be "in" your apartment, but it might help to mask some of the smell.

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  6. #35
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd just drop it and don't try picking a fight with them. You said you're working with your friend who's homeless - spend more time with that friend. Don't harbour grudges.

    I don't think there's much you can do about the smell or personal hygiene of another tenant unless they're breaking tenancy rules or laws. I know that's not what you want to hear and it's a bummer but try working on one thing at a time. Don't get too overwhelmed with things all at once.
    Last edited by Rose Mosse; 05-21-2020 at 09:59 PM.

  7. #36
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    Well associating with people, unless they are your colleagues or family, is optional. I actually don't like my next door neighbour either. Really don't like them lol I won't go into why because this post is not about me. If I see my next door neighbour, I say hello and have a very brief chat. But I try to engage as minimally as possible.

    You don't have to keep talking to your neighbour or helping her at all. You've actually chosen to do all that yourself. Also she has a boyfriend so she's not alone by any means. The boyfriend should be the one helping her, especially as he lives with her. Your neighbour is not your responsibility at all. Just be civil but don't interact with her and don't help. Maybe even say to her that you're busy and she should go to her boyfriend for help instead.

    Regarding your friend in the tent...I don't know your situation of course and sleeping in the tent of course is better than being homeless. Personally if I let a friend stay, I would never expect them to sleep in a tent outside. I mean, they could be doing that in a camp ground. Even if I didn't have much space, they could sleep on the floor on a mattress at my place or something. I mean how are you helping your friend exactly if he's sleeping in a tent? He can sleep in a tent wherever. To be honest it sounds a bit like you say you're helping people and you make yourself out to be a really caring person. But you don't even want your friend in your house and you really dislike your neighbour that you help. If you don't want to help then don't. But don't keep helping and say you resent it because it's actually your own choice what you do or don't do.

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