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Thread: Would really appreciate advice and opinions on this please

  1. #11

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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Unless you're leaving out a lot of details, I don't see how your friend is reaching that conclusion.

    It seems pretty clear-cut to me: he's tired of the arguing and wanted to be honest that he doesn't feel strongly enough to continue dating. I don't see where this is some sort of game or control tactic.
    because one minute he was affectionate and coming round talking normal to me then asks me to his house to spend time together and then when i go in hes affectionate but breaks up with me then saying things like he has no feelings for me and its not worth it and he will be upset for a while but he will get over it

  2. #12

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    Originally Posted by NightFairy12
    This broke my heart for you as I know this feeling all too well. Listen to me that is NOT a reflection of you. Look into “Dismissive Avoidant” attachment styles. Some people have a very low threshold for emotional conflict and will run away from it making you feel like it’s all your fault for being emotional. These persons usually are easily able to suppress their feelings which may explain how he kind of shuts them off when not with you and being so confused on how he feels. He needs to sort this out on his own. You cannot “convince” someone to be with you and all you will do is make yourself look desperate and nobody ever stays with someone “just because she would be so upset without me”. He needs to come to you by his own accord.
    he has a low threshold as he has had anger issues in the past and cannot process feelings of anger it takes him days and days. Do you think he may still feel something for me but it may be suppressed by the feelings of stress and tension from the arguing and talking about the relationship? Or do you believe he doesnt feel anything for me as he said?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    If you have to beg someone to stay or beg someone to care or continue and they're not doing that just on their own, then it's not worth having.

    Let him go.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    You both have trouble controlling your emotions...epic fail. All you two do is feed off each other, that's why the fighting won't stop. Date someone who doesn't have this issue.

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  6. #15

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    My friend said that because he’s a bit unstable And I’m emotional that he can see it becoming a cycle between us that we may start meeting again then we’ll have a disagreement then he will go again, does anyone else see this happening?

  7. #16
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    Whether or not he comes back, it doesn’t seem you two have a very solid relationship to build on.

    You may have missed it, so I’ll ask again: how did you react during an argument? You mentioned you sometimes let your emotions take over, but I’m not sure what you mean by that. And what sorts of things did you argue about?

  8. #17

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    They were small things just disagreements but sometimes he would label them for example the last argument he labelled my behaviour as petty and hypocritical so I took offensive and got upset because I took it personally. Then it escalated to him saying he can’t talk to me etc . But I apologised and asked could we resolve it straight away but he kept going on how he couldn’t talk to me about issues.

    Another time he accused me of being controlling and another he accused me of betraying him (I genuinely didn’t and he seen that in the end after a week of explaining)

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by graythings
    he labelled my behaviour as petty and hypocritical. Then it escalated to him saying he can’t talk to me etc .

    Another time he accused me of being controlling
    This is offensive and I don't blame you for being upset. He doesn't sound like an easy person to be around. You were talking about your "improvement," what about his anger issues? Is he going to work on them or even own his part in the fallout? Why does it sound like you're the only one who needs to put in the work for another chance?

  10. #19

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    Originally Posted by SophiaG
    This is offensive and I don't blame you for being upset. He doesn't sound like an easy person to be around. You were talking about your "improvement," what about his anger issues? Is he going to work on them or even own his part in the fallout? Why does it sound like you're the only one who needs to put in the work for another chance?
    I usually start crying because i am very sensitive so thats why i said i would try control them which i did he even said i handled the break up much better than he expected. He does have issues controlling his anger and sought help in the past, but right now he doesnt see his side he just sees us arguing all the time (4 disagreements in 6 weeks) but they are exhausting because they go on for days. then he always says he doesnt know if we can continue because hes afraid the arguments will continue. even after i tried controlling myself he said that ok for now because im consciously doing it but i wont always be consciously doing it. My friend said he made it seem like it was all my fault because he is unable see or deal with his own emotions and its nothing to do with me

  11. #20
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    Is this really a relationship you want to hang on to?

    It sounds draining and ultimately not worth the hassle.

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