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Thread: How soon is soon?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    You're welcome.

    it is a big decision but also not. when things are right, they tend to be easy. Does that mean people won't be jerks and manipulate to get what they want? No. But if a person only wants sex, knows its gonna take several dates, maybe months of time together to get there, they will probably look elsewhere.

    The only time there is real regret is when we attach expectations of others to our actions. like if I sleep with this person, then it means we are exclusive but they never said or agreed to that.

    I think for women, sex can make a bond, but not for men. So you gotta be careful with that, pregnancy and STDs.... Its a lot.
    I think sex can enhance a bond and enhance love. I knew I likely would get attached through sex so I avoided casual sex. I know of and know personally men who get attached through sex. I've always disliked the stereotype of men only wanting sex/being able to have sex without emotions, not getting emotional. It's just not true and at some point offensive to men.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    I think sex can enhance a bond and enhance love. I knew I likely would get attached through sex so I avoided casual sex. I know of and know personally men who get attached through sex. I've always disliked the stereotype of men only wanting sex/being able to have sex without emotions, not getting emotional. It's just not true and at some point offensive to men.
    I agree. a generalization on my part

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    You're welcome.

    it is a big decision but also not. when things are right, they tend to be easy. Does that mean people won't be jerks and manipulate to get what they want? No. But if a person only wants sex, knows its gonna take several dates, maybe months of time together to get there, they will probably look elsewhere.

    The only time there is real regret is when we attach expectations of others to our actions. like if I sleep with this person, then it means we are exclusive but they never said or agreed to that.

    I think for women, sex can make a bond, but not for men. So you gotta be careful with that, pregnancy and STDs.... Its a lot.
    I hear you Lambert. This is why I am hesitant to get physical quickly with men as I start to create a strong bond... not in my hands, that is how I am.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Celine2
    I hear you Lambert. This is why I am hesitant to get physical quickly with men as I start to create a strong bond... not in my hands, that is how I am.
    yeah.... then I'd probably wait until you get the opportunity to talk about it.

    Sounds like you guys have had some good times, some effort is being made on both sides, so a little discussion might be next. Especially, since your sensing it, he probably is, too.

    Be more willing to listen rather than talk....you know how you feel. What you don't know is how he is about it.

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  6. #25
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    So after a few dates and after building up so much with me, after being head over heels for me, he just told me yesterday how he is attracted to me, interested in me but has a girlfriend in another city... *sighs* Needless to say, I was not suspecting such a thing as he was acting totally like a single man and I had started to develop feelings for him... He then went on to say that he has 'problems' with her that cannot be resolved and would break up once they see each other... I am just speechless.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Block and delete him. You don't need a cheater in your life.
    Originally Posted by Celine2
    he is attracted to me, interested in me but has a girlfriend in another city...He then went on to say that he has 'problems' with her that cannot be resolved
    Last edited by Wiseman2; 05-23-2020 at 07:32 AM.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Celine2
    So after a few dates and after building up so much with me, after being head over heels for me, he just told me yesterday how he is attracted to me, interested in me but has a girlfriend in another city... *sighs* Needless to say, I was not suspecting such a thing as he was acting totally like a single man and I had started to develop feelings for him... He then went on to say that he has 'problems' with her that cannot be resolved and would break up once they see each other... I am just speechless.
    WOW, and here you were, getting ready to take it to the next level with him! Good thing you kept your wits about you!

    Originally Posted by Celine2
    Honestly, I have not talked abut being exclusive with him as I thought it should have been clear to him knowing my boundaries and the fact that I am not after flyings.
    It probably was clear to him. He just doesn't have respect for your boundaries or his girlfriend's boundaries, or probably anyone else's for that matter.

    In this case, the only unclear thing was his motives.

    Even if you had an outright discussion with him about exclusivity, I doubt you would have gotten the real truth.

    I hope you leave him in the dust. Don't wait for him to break up with his girlfriend.

    Be careful of people like this!

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    WOW, and here you were, getting ready to take it to the next level with him! Good thing you kept your wits about you!



    It probably was clear to him. He just doesn't have respect for your boundaries or his girlfriend's boundaries, or probably anyone else's for that matter.

    In this case, the only unclear thing was his motives.

    Even if you had an outright discussion with him about exclusivity, I doubt you would have gotten the real truth.

    I hope you leave him in the dust. Don't wait for him to break up with his girlfriend.

    Be careful of people like this!
    I agree 100%. Get away from this person. He is cheating on his gf with you and using you both for his own selfish reasons.

    Do not tolerate this one bit.

    Thank God, you were being smart and taking it slow. A good lesson for all singles, for sure.

    Know that this guy is no good and you can and will do better next time.

    hang in there!

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear this. Block and delete him. You don't need a cheater in your life.
    Thanks Wiseman. I am not really into the habit of blocking people unless I am 'harassed'.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    WOW, and here you were, getting ready to take it to the next level with him! Good thing you kept your wits about you!



    It probably was clear to him. He just doesn't have respect for your boundaries or his girlfriend's boundaries, or probably anyone else's for that matter.

    In this case, the only unclear thing was his motives.

    Even if you had an outright discussion with him about exclusivity, I doubt you would have gotten the real truth.

    I hope you leave him in the dust. Don't wait for him to break up with his girlfriend.

    Be careful of people like this!
    Hi Jibralta, thank you for the advice, I appreciate it. I must admit I am still shocked and try to understand his intentions which have left me perplexed. He told me afterwards that there are serious obstacles in his relationship with his girlfriend and sees in me 'qualities' he has been looking for all his life... Go figure if he is really honest...

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