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Thread: Has Quarantine Ruined Us Or Was It Always Going To End?

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    Has Quarantine Ruined Us Or Was It Always Going To End?

    Hi. I never thought I'd reach out for help on a forum, but here I am. So here's some backstory: I've been seeing this guy since roughly October of last year. It's been casual and fun until quarantine. Throughout this entire time we've been seeing each other, we'd go explore the city we live in and have such fun dates and laughs. Then with quarantine it abruptly ended. Everything we swept under the rug has just been staring at us this entire time. Trust me, it's a pretty lumpy rug. When I brought it up, we eventually agreed to take some time apart to think. I don't think either of us see the other as "the one", but that doesn't mean we don't want to have fun together. But. Does this mean it's ending? Should it? I've been told I deserve better and people want better for me, but is it selfish and dumb of me to give this another chance as things open up if we'll eventually end someday anyway?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Are you still in contact? What do you want from this? Why the heavy talk if you want light and fluffy?
    Originally Posted by youngnotdumb
    It's been casual and fun until quarantine. I don't think either of us see the other as "the one", but that doesn't mean we don't want to have fun together.

    Everything we swept under the rug has just been staring at us this entire time. Trust me, it's a pretty lumpy rug.

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    It's only been 3 days of not talking. I was planning on reaching out later tonight. I want fun, casual, light and fluffy, but there have been some tense moments of him not treating me the best (and I'm not innocent in it, either) because of how we're both trying to cope with quarantine. I struggle with my mental health enough without a pandemic, but he's been very impatient with me and things have been tense and I felt shut out and shut down. So I wanted to address that, and now we're here.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Do you mind me asking what are the issues? I think a lot of people are extra-sensitive right now with the pandemic. Working things out with someone if there are any heavy topics may not be on everyone's mind the same way. I wouldn't take it personally if he just doesn't feel up to talking about your relationship or your dynamic. I'm sorry this is causing you hurt and confusion.

    You mentioned feeling shut out - I think that's more than telling. If he's purposefully not answering you or not replying to you, that's a clear sign that he doesn't want to keep talking about the things you want to talk about.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    This pandemic is kicking everyone in the gut. Try to find ways to cope through well established friends and family. Delve into your interests, hobbies and activities more. Contact some good friends, etc. Try not to lean on someone too much. If you want light and fluffy, don't turn it into therapy.
    Originally Posted by youngnotdumb
    It's only been 3 days of not talking. I was planning on reaching out later tonight. I want fun, casual, light and fluffy, but there have been some tense moments of him not treating me the best

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    Thank you for your advice!

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    I can give a more recent example. About a week ago, I didn't reply fast enough (was busy, took 5 minutes to do something) and he just said "k, ttyl" and ignored me for a little over a day and then admitted to feeling in a funk. The week following that was tense with a lot of bickering because it felt as if everything I said was wrong, like he'd interpret it in a way I didn't mean and we'd bicker. and I was just wanting to have a conversation about what is going on. I don't want to tolerate that nor do I deserve that. But I guess it depends what we're expecting out of each other.

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    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by youngnotdumb
    I didn't reply fast enough (was busy, took 5 minutes to do something) and he just said "k, ttyl" and ignored me for a little over a day and then admitted to feeling in a funk. The week following that was tense with a lot of bickering because it felt as if everything I said was wrong, like he'd interpret it in a way I didn't mean and we'd bicker.
    I think these are the kinds of things that will always end a relationship, unless you want to be a doormat.

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by youngnotdumb
    I can give a more recent example. About a week ago, I didn't reply fast enough (was busy, took 5 minutes to do something) and he just said "k, ttyl" and ignored me for a little over a day and then admitted to feeling in a funk. The week following that was tense with a lot of bickering because it felt as if everything I said was wrong, like he'd interpret it in a way I didn't mean and we'd bicker. and I was just wanting to have a conversation about what is going on. I don't want to tolerate that nor do I deserve that. But I guess it depends what we're expecting out of each other.
    I'd leave him alone. These are signs someone's not in the right frame of mind and better off finding fault with their own shadow. He's picking on you and taking out his frustrations on you.

    Don't seek answers from people like this or who treat you like this.

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    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd leave him alone. These are signs someone's not in the right frame of mind and better off finding fault with their own shadow. He's picking on you and taking out his frustrations on you.

    Don't seek answers from people like this or who treat you like this.
    Rose gives good advice...

    this type of behavior gives you insight into how he handles things and you're right you don't want to be treated this way.

    Some of this stuff just can't be explained. A person is either easy going, confident and kind or they only pretend to be. you know?

    Little snarky things that, we tend to blow off with the benefit of the doubt, but that is a mistake... its a basic level of respect that is missing.

    Go be light and flufft with someone that is actually light & fluffy.

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