In a dark place after break up

So I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years a month ago whilst in quarantine, I felt like I was really making progress and starting to feel better but I took a massive step back by reaching out to him last weekend, which I now realise was a huge mistake. I was hoping I’d find some closure as things ended abruptly and I just wanted us to be civil towards each other if we see each other around or anything. We got into another argument over text and he brought up some really personal things and used them against me, which I found very hurtful but at the same time telling me how he’s never loved anyone the way he loves me, would do anything to have me back etc. I understand it was selfish of me to reach out just to get closure and I should have left it. He’s now blocked me and I’m just feeling numb, can’t stop crying, don’t want to get out of bed or face the day. I’ve never felt this way before and any advice would be appreciated if anyone has been in a similar situation after a rough break up? I feel as though my confidence, which has never been good, is at rock bottom and don’t want to talk to anyone I’m close to about it.

Some clarity needed?

Who broke up with who and why?

What does closure mean for you?

During quarantine you aren’t likely to bump into each other atm so why message him now?

Why couldn’t you just be civil to him in the future if you bumped into each other?

And why would you think he might not be?

It doesn’t make sense that he blocked you after he said he would do anything to get you back?

What in your opinion led him to change his mind? Did you say hurtful things too???

I broke up with him as he has a very short temper and can get nasty during arguments (which has happened again as I explained above) he had a bad upbringing and childhood and has a lot of demons and a lot of anger inside and although I was always patient he has taken it out on me.

For me closure was to say everything that I wanted to say and to get everything out because I was always too afraid to tell him how I felt as I worried how he would react or what nasty things he would say to me. I regret messaging him, during quarantine there is a lot of time to think and not much to take my mind off the break up. I will always be civil with him but he has demonised me in his head as an awful person, even though I really still don’t understand what I’ve done I think he’s just so hurt that I ended things and it’s his way of coping.

I know, a lot of things he does don’t make any sense to me I wasn’t saying hurtful things I was just telling him how we aren’t right for each other and if we got back together we would just end up having blazing rows again which I didn’t want. He was just trying to tell me what I wanted to hear and then blew up when he didn’t like my response

Ok so you broke up with him for valid reasons.

And he accepted the break up.

But you still were not happy that you hadn’t said everything you wanted to in the moment of the break up.

You could have written a letter , for your own closure but not send it.

Instead you messaged him.

I’m not sure what you said in your message but it clearly serves no purpose for him. Therefore was sent with selfish intent???

What were you hoping to gain from contacting him?

So he has a very short temper and a tendency to lash out at you when he's angry. That's one of the reason for the break up. I'd say it's a very valid reason.

Now you reach out to him to finally get out of your chest all that you were afraid to say during the relationship and he lashes out again. So there you go! He hasn't changed , you are right, you guys are not compatible. ( closure).

Don't feel bad about reaching out. It's human and we've all been there. After a breakup emotions are very high and raw and you guys are still hurt. He can't deal with all those painful emotion right now so he gets angry and blocks you. That's his way of coping. Your way was to tell him all that was wrong in the relationship. None of those works because you are both in pain and you can't help each other. That's the reality of a breakup.

The only thing that will help right now is distance. No contact. Don't feel guilty about reaching out. Just focus on healing.

With time you will see that you can be cordial with one another.

But right now you cannot turn towards him for grieving. Call your friends, go for a walk... accept that the pain you feel is part of the process and it will go away. You will be happy again.

Yes, I admit it was selfish for me to reach out to him and I said that to him and apologised for it.

I’m only human and think we have all acted a bit on impulse after a break up? I don’t think I’m the only one.

Thank you for your kind message, it has made me realise he hasn’t changed but at the same time it’s so difficult to turn away from someone you love whos telling you they want to be with you, even though I know that’s the best decision to walk away and I will be strong and do that. I really hope as you say we can be cordial over time as he was a good friend to me when we were together and I don’t want things to end on a horrible, sour note

Sorry to hear this. What was the breakup about. You need to stop the chitchat and rehashing. Delete and block him and all his people from all your social media and messaging apps.

We got into another argument over text and he brought up some really personal things and used them against me, which I found very hurtful.

Yes I have already deactivated my Instagram account as I didn’t want to be on there at the moment and I’ve blocked his number from my phone which I found really difficult as there was a sense of finality to it but it’s time to move on now