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Thread: 5 dates and I'm confused

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    5 dates and I'm confused

    This is about the same guy from [Register to see the link]

    First of all, phone is not an issue any more. The more I get to know him, the more comfortable I feel talking on the phone with him. So, that's one problem solved. And here's another one.

    We've been on 5 dates (and talking on the phone when we don't see each other). I know he likes me, he's told me so. He's tried to kiss me a few times. I told him I want to take my time getting to know him better, he accepted it...but he keeps trying every time we meet...not to the point that I feel uncomfortable but to the point where I feel I have to..I'm sorry if I'm not making sense, it's hard to describe the feeling. Anyway, eventually, I did kiss him a couple of times.

    The thing is I don't know how I feel about him. I like him and I want to continue seeing him but he seems to be moving much faster than me.

    I'm very confused because we have many things in common and I constantly feel that if he just relaxed a bit, I would relax, too, and things would be much better.

    I guess my question is do you think I should continue dating him (we're not exclusive or anything) or should I just give up? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like you are not attracted. A kiss after 5 dates is not that fast-track. If you liked him, you have enjoyed his calls, enjoyed the dates and have been attracted. Try not to date out of boredom. He may be entertaining, but if you are not feeling it, you are leading him on.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    I don't think I'm leading him on. He's never asked how I feel about him, if I like him, what I think about us and all that. All I I've told him is that I like getting to know him and that's 100% true. Also, I haven't accepted anything from him, not even a cup of coffee.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    My impression, from this and your other thread, is that the thing you like most about him is also the thing you like least—namely, that he is into you. Perhaps his eagerness feels insincere—that he's into being into people, say—but it seems appealing enough, or distracting enough, for you to stay quasi-interested. Could it be that he enjoys chasing and you enjoy being chased?

    Anyhow, if he's rubbing you the wrong way or not firing the right synapses, I'd let it go. Or maybe hang another time or two, while being honest about whether you're still exploring mainly to enjoy the chase rather than the connection.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    I like him and I want to continue seeing him but he seems to be moving much faster than me.

    I'm very confused because we have many things in common and I constantly feel that if he just relaxed a bit, I would relax, too, and things would be much better.
    Did you tell him this?

  7. #6
    Bronze Member Eliza50's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    Did you tell him this?
    Not in so many words, no. You think I should?

  8. #7
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    I understand everyone's got their boundaries, but five dates in and you're forcing yourself to kiss him. Combined with the fact you've already made two threads about the guy, and you should be about the exact opposite of confused.

    A lot of people are great on paper but for their clingyness or really any behavior we find off putting for any reason. You factor in the person, not the algorithm. Don't waste your time having discussions about the way he acts. Just find a better match.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Your lips are moving but he doesn't hear what you are saying. he's a guy....he wants sex. You are not feeling it by now, kick him to the curb. He's actually turning your off with this, so that means there isn't enough sexual attraction for you.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    You've already told this guy you didn't want to talk to him on the phone and yet he waited patiently to meet you. 5 dates later and you still don't want to kiss him?

    I am respectful of all different styles and paces, but I wouldn't be surprise if this guy thinks this might be way too much work.

    You are entitled to take things at what ever pace feels right for you, but he is clearly on a different page. It doesn't make him wrong, over eager or otherwise. He could actually really like you.

    I was a little suspect about the over familiarity of the phone pace in your other post, saying he'd call in the morning and such. That's very boyfriend like.

    But 5 dates in and you still want to slam the brakes.

    Let's just write this off to him not being the right guy for you or vice versa.

    Remember, some people wait to see if there is a spark that inspires them to want to kiss someone. There is an equal number of people who need to kiss someone first to see if there is spark.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "Do you like me?" seems a bit insecure or somewhat like high school. There is no "us" after 5 dates. He is assuming you like him because you keep accepting dates. You may like him fine and well but that is different than being attracted.

    He may not know he's in the friendzone.... or maybe he suspects it and that's why after 5 dates tried to kiss you so he either gets a read on things or cuts his losses and moves on. It sounds like he will lose interest eventually. keep in mind people are dating/meeting others at first.
    Originally Posted by Eliza50
    He's never asked how I feel about him, if I like him, what I think about us and all that.

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