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Thread: Where do I stand? (Please help!)

  1. #31
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Wiseman 2, I appreciate your advice. I wish there was a way I could speak to you personally. Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    central Florida
    Then everything we have may crumble. Worst part about that is he is one of my absolute best friends, and I know he would say the same. That is something I don't want to lose

    You really should realize that attempting to live a life hurt-free is impossible unless you live a lifetime of shallowness, which actually would have its own hurt of loneliness. Better to have the mindset that you will survive all of life's hurts because you're resilient, and that the only control you have is attempting to make wise decisions. If it doesn't pan out, oh well. If it does, taking the risk was ultimately worth it.

    I know I appreciate people who can be open with me, and enjoy their company more than someone who keeps all topics on a superficial level. If you want someone to open their heart to you, you must do the same with them.

    Afraid everything will crumble? You might think living in limbo in a sandcastle about to be toppled by high tide is better than seeking the truth of the matter. But you're kidding yourself because you're here on the forum, upset about the situation. And sorry, but once you crossed the line from friendship to FWB, it's not going to be in your best interest to remain friends if he doesn't want an exclusive longterm relationship with you. That will prevent you from bonding with, and achieving a successful romance with another man, who won't accept your continued "friendship" with a man you were intimate with.

    That's one of the upsetting facts of being alive and having to establish boundaries and making decisions that are best for you although upsetting nonetheless. Grownups have a lot to deal with in a lifetime. Just practice better positive self-talk on how to deal with anything life throws at you. Read books and articles on how to achieve that.

    You can't go wrong in telling someone how you want things to be. I'd say: FWB no longer works for me. We get along so well, and I've grown to care about you. I'd like to be exclusive and take this relationship to a new level, where we're actually bf and gf.

    And then listen to him. No more assumptions. Once you get your answer, changes will have to be made and you will handle whatever that it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Well I think because you have feelings for this guy, even love him, you can't really go on as just FWB. I think as scary as it might be, you need to tell him how you feel. And if he doesn't feel the same then maybe you should stop seeing him and stop all contact with him.

    The thing is that some people are nice people and they do want to treat their FWB well. Especially if you get along well, which is the "friends" aspect of FWB. I've had an FWB who literally just came over, had sex, then left. But I've also had an FWB who invited me to sleep over and the next day took me out for brunch and actually paid for me. Also I had an FWB for 2.5 years and we actually hung out a lot and did things like go to the movies, dining out, beach walks, go to festivals. Actually this guy is one of my good friends because I like him a lot as a person. But I don't love him and I never loved him "in that way". So while I was having a nice time with him for 2.5 years, I didn't think of him as my partner really and I was still seeing other people. Though he's polyamorous so he didn't mind.

    So what I'm getting at is that not everyone wants to treat their FWB bad and just "use" them for sex. Some people genuinely enjoy being with their FWB for sex and companionship, but that doesn't mean it's love. I think to be honest when someone doesn't want any labels, that simply means they don't want it to be in an relationship with you. After nine months it's not hard to say: "Hey do you want to be my girlfriend?" So maybe that's telling you something...

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