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Thread: Prenup

  1. #1

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    Prenup

    So I have been with my girlfriend for over 4 years now. We live together in my flat which I purchased when we first met. My mum has come in to difficulties with work so I am going to buy her flat from her to save her moving out and take over the mortgage. I was also talking to my mum about how we are looking at buying a larger house together and eventually get married. Due to this mention of marriage my mum asked me to get a prenup signed to protect her property as this is her security and home. She is also divorced 14 years ago after a 16 year marriage so she knows first hand things change. I mentioned this to my girlfriend as I knew it wouldn't be a problem and she doesn't care about money (which I don't have much of anyway). She is upset now and saying I should never have mentioned this to her. I'm worried this will break us up. Have I messed up? I don't belive so. Also is there a way to fix this? She believes I should have brought this up before the wedding. I'm not the most romantic and we don't talk about getting married or having children, however when looking for a large family home we discuss schools ect so I just assume that's the way we were heading.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Your mother is being pragmatic regarding her secured, financial survival. I don't blame her. I would be the same way as I'm a mother, too.

    Either have your girlfriend cooperate with the prenup or don't get married.

    It doesn't matter when to broach the subject. What matters is your girlfriend's reaction. Since she doesn't care about money, then she shouldn't have any qualms signing the dotted line on the prenup. She needs to prove that her words match her actions.

  3. #3
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    Many people say they don't care about money but when the moment of truth comes it's very apparent they do care a lot.

  4. #4

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    Thanks so far for the replies. We are probs years away from marriage (2 or 3 I recon) so it wouldn't be a case of signing on the dotted line any time soon. I believed bringing it up straight after my mum asked me about it wasn't a bad thing to do considering I'll be buying her property in the next 2 months. If it was the other way around I wouldn't bat an eye lid. Worried about our relationship now with her reaction but I don't know how to make it better.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    There is what your gf claims....and then there is reality. Prenups are normal and quite common. You should NEVER marry a person with who you cannot have these kinds of serious financial discussions and agreements. Marriage is not about romance, it's about being able to see eye to eye on serious, practical, pragmatic matters, being able to discuss serious things and being able to come to mutual agreement, aka seeing eye to eye on things. Without that, you should not be getting married.

    Looking at buying a bigger house and just kind of thinking that your relationship is fine but never talking about things like what you both think marriage looks like, finances, children, how to raise them, jobs, etc - you two are not ready for marriage at all.

    Bottom line is that you didn't do anything wrong, but you should be taking really good look at how your gf is reacting. Hint: it's not good.

  7. #6
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    I would not buy mom's flat. If she cannot afford it, help her move into a cheaper one that she can afford or she takes in a roommate. If you bought your mom's place, is it even a good investment (buying it for under market) and would you continue to pay the mortgage for mom to live there for the rest of her life? If you will be a married man at some point, its not fair to have two mortgages to house your mom with no chance of ever selling. Where does it end? Are you going to be responsible for mom's bills also?

    I do think your mother wants a prenup to get some agreement that she will never have to move or you will never sell. Therefore instead of a prenup, i would put the flat in a revokable trust instead.

    I think the only reason you are considering a prenup is because of mom and that looks VERY bad to your girlfriend if mom is pulling the strings and "marking" her territory. And i would be on your girlfriend's side in this case. Put the flat in a trust for the benefit of your mom and you or flat out do NOT buy your mom a flat. It is a losing investment to take on. Unless mom is 98 years old, you may be saddled with this for decades.

    If you do marry and your girlfriend has lived with you almost the whole time you had the flat, it will be your marital home. That would be cruel to make her sign a prenup that she is out on the street.

    Sorry, this is not a red flag against the girlfriend to me. This is mommy marking her territory

  8. #7
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    But isn't the idea of a prenup to protect mom's interests? It can be limited to just that.

  9. #8
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    Originally Posted by reinventmyself
    But isn't the idea of a prenup to protect mom's interests? It can be limited to just that.
    Then it does NOT to have to be a prenup. The flat can be put into a trust for the benefit of mom. Or at least in my state, two people who are not married can co own a property together. they can both jointly own it with right of survivorship or do what they want - if mom dies, it goes to him, (or normally split between him and mom's other heirs but in this case he paying the mortgage...). If he dies and mom outlives him, it goes to mom, or goes to mom and wife if that is how he sets it up.

  10. #9
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I would never marry someone who suggested a prenup for any reason. I would walk out that day.

  11. #10

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    Hi abitbroken. We are in the UK (unsure about everyone else here) this allows me to protect my inheritance. I will be able to rent the flat back to her and she will be able to claim housing benefits to pay this. (on the subject of benefits she has worked her whole life and paid tax, she has now taken unwell and is unable to work and she did not qualify for medical retirement. Now she has lost her job with cutbacks during this covid 19 crisis). So essentially the government will be paying her mortgage. Either way I am here for relationship, not financial advice. I have not asked or mentioned anything regarding what would be the arrangement on our marital home as you put it, purely the outcome of my mums flat.

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