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Thread: Prenup

  1. #31
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Danmarko
    In an Ideal world we would all love to have a marriage that can last 31 years, till death us do part! However the reality is that a great number of marriages do fail leading to financial hardship and squabbling on both sides. It's not pessimistic to be prudent, especially when your dealing with your mothers investment and her future. As the flat would pass in to your name for the remainder of the mortgage there are many scenarios that could arise in the future that could leave both you & your mother facing hard times. Don't let a relationship/ marriage breakdown become one of them because you didn't take the necessary steps to protect yourselves.
    Then it may take him time to find a woman who is agreeable and this woman might not be the one. But suggesting a prenup to someone you havenít even proposed to and buying a house with someone you are not even married to is not prudent anyway. And mentioning a prenup in a half by chance way is NOT ď discussing ď a prenupĒ it is slipping something is in by happen chance and then being surprised when it is not well received.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It really depends on the family law in your jurisdiction. In some places spouses never have access to inherited or premarital wealth or assets. This is why a flimsy prenup is a huge mistake on your part. You need to have a will in place anyway. You need to have the appropriate life insurance and beneficiaries in place on not only that but on all your holdings, accounts etc.

    You would be wise to co-own or put your family assets in trusts that a divorcing or widowed spouse can not access. However you need to do this long before you marry. Prenups are often garbage legal instruments that are only effective in the case of this that and the other. Also the prospective spouse can alter it, not sign it and has the right to have their attorney make any modifications.

    Be smart cough up the money for a good estate attorney who handles wills and trusts. Prenups are for amateurs. Your gf is right, btw, you should have brought this up Before proposing. Your mother is right for suggesting you protect family assets but she is not an attorney and was in error suggesting a prenup. You need a bullet/divorce proof portfolio, not a useless prenup.
    Originally Posted by Ajns26
    We live together in my flat which I purchased when we first met. my mum asked me to get a prenup signed to protect her property as this is her security and home.She believes I should have brought this up before the wedding.

  3. #33
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Then if the mortgage is done in three years, why not just pay part of mom's mortgage for three years as a favor? No mess that way. Or help mom refinance the mortgage -- Let's say the mortgage is $1500 per month - refinance it for more years at a monthly rate she can afford and put money on the principle when you can. You are making a mountain out of a molehill if mom only needs help for 3 years.
    I agree. If your motive is to protect you mom's security and home, simply make the payments for her until the mortgage is paid. That way, you wouldn't need a prenup to protect it, and you'd also avoid any additional costs associated with transferring property ownership.

  4. #34
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    And I think that is girl is upset you are putting your momís financial interests ahead of your interests as a couple. She could be wondering too how many times youíre gonna listen to mom in important life decisions. She could be wondering if your mom is going to control her life by yanking on your heartstrings.

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  6. #35
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    I may not have experienced divorce in my own relationship but my parents are divorced and my mom has been divorced twice and married three times . Believe me I hold no illusions ,however Iím not a pessimist either . I donít believe what happened with my parents is my destiny . Iíve been with my husband for 31 years and married for 26 of them. I know a lot of relationships that have lasted until death .
    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    And I think that is girl is upset you are putting your momís financial interests ahead of your interests as a couple. She could be wondering too how many times youíre gonna listen to mom in important life decisions. She could be wondering if your mom is going to control her life by yanking on your heartstrings.
    Seraphim he's only looking out for his mothers interests with regard to her flat. Naturally she's every right to feel cautious about her sons partner/possible wife who knows what the future holds for them. She doesn't want some stranger taking half or more of her property. The last property I bought in 2005 with my now ex wife for £500K my solicitor suggested investing £50k from a my autistic brothers trust fund instead of having a small mortgage of £50K which we did. When we split in 2009 she wanted a 50/50 split of that £50K on top of her 60% share of the estate all fuelled by greed and a father in law that fancied a trip to the USA and a new car. I wish I had made arrangements to protect myself more. It happens...

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by Danmarko
    Seraphim he's only looking out for his mothers interests with regard to her flat. Naturally she's every right to feel cautious about her sons partner/possible wife who knows what the future holds for them. She doesn't want some stranger taking half or more of her property. The last property I bought in 2005 with my now ex wife for £500K my solicitor suggested investing £50k from a my autistic brothers trust fund instead of having a small mortgage of £50K which we did. When we split in 2009 she wanted a 50/50 split of that £50K on top of her 60% share of the estate all fuelled by greed and a father in law that fancied a trip to the USA and a new car. I wish I had made arrangements to protect myself more. It happens...
    I know it does. My mom got zip both times. My dad had nothing to give her and didnít even pay his child support 90% of the time. And my first step father his ahole brother stole everything out of their house while he was drunk and grieving. They divorced after not seeing each other for 20 years . Neither claimed anything from the other. His offer was if she signed off his pension he would pay for the divorce and thatís how it went . Now she has been married to my current stepfather for almost 26 years they married the same year I did .

  8. #37
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    Clearly, people have strong emotions about prenups.

    The wording of the the thing can take into account protecting your mother. And, address how after her passing and if still married, your future wife is added to the financial interest in the property as a full partner.

    Somehow you need a better conversation with your GF about this. Have specifics drawn up, not a vague discussion.
    Last edited by jimthzz; 05-19-2020 at 10:48 AM.

  9. #38
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    If you die, the prenup is invalid. Your mom could still lose the house. I'd just help your mom refinance the house, this way, she can leave it to you in her own will.

    And btw, you can't bring up a prenup if you aren't talking about marriage - that is actually a bit insulting. Like the thought of marrying this person doesn't ever cross your mind, but her putting your mom out on the streets does...always use honey to catch flies.

  10. #39
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    As someone else in the UK I would almost certainly agree on a pre-nup if you are solely buying the house. If shes not putting a penny in why should she get a penny out? The law is heavily weight against males in the UK when it comes to breakups. I would tread carefully.


    If you have no pre-nup and split up she WILL take half or be awarded half of something she never paid into.


    Is there no other way around this?

  11. #40
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    Originally Posted by Jibralta
    I agree. If your motive is to protect you mom's security and home, simply make the payments for her until the mortgage is paid. That way, you wouldn't need a prenup to protect it, and you'd also avoid any additional costs associated with transferring property ownership.
    In my area, if say mom bought the house when it was $10,000, and now its worth $1.2 million, mom is paying property taxes on the house that is $10,000 with modest increases every year versus on $1.2 million. if he buys the house, even at the cheap "buying from a relative below market rate, he is going to pay a VERY HIGH amount of property tax plus closing costs and everything else. I don't think he realizes its not as simple as mom transferring the house into his name and him taking over the mortgage payments

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