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Thread: Prenup

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I wonder why people go property ownership together, without being married.

    Honestly, what's the motivation to own something, long term, like a 15 or 30 year mortgage with someone but not be married?

    I can see living together to see how things get on. Living together can be ended much easier than getting a divorce or selling a house.

    I would think about this reaction your gf had... why wouldn't she understand your mother's need for security? I can't imagine, why she reacted this way, unless she doesn't want to get married and the house and kids are just talk.

    I think talking about a pre-nup at any time is fine. Its just you sharing what you think and plan for your life. I think this girl is either not what you think or your relationship isn't.

    Have you been looking at places? Why do you think you need to fix anything? you're right to protect your mother.

  2. #12

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    @seraphim - even if it was for the mothers property that the son was taking over? She just wants to confirm that if we were to get married and then divorce she would not have any worry regarding loosing the roof over her head. Or that I loose half my inheritance that she's worked all her life for. Right now neither of us think my girlfriend is capable of this and also I wouldn't be looking at buying a house with someone I don't expect to be with for the rest of my life. However as mentioned my mum was divorced after 16 years of marriage and 21 years of being together in total so she does have trust issues regardless and knows that "sh1t happens".

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I can see you wanting to protect your mom of course. But , I donít believe in starting relationships based on planning for failure.

  4. #14

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    HI @LAMBERT yes we actually went out yesterday to look at a few places and decided on an area to move to :) we hadn't really discussed marriage or kids but when talking about the area to move to we were both referring to good schools for the kids.... I assumed we were on the same page. Otherwise there would be no point in looking at houses.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Ajns26
    Hi abitbroken. We are in the UK (unsure about everyone else here) this allows me to protect my inheritance. I will be able to rent the flat back to her and she will be able to claim housing benefits to pay this. (on the subject of benefits she has worked her whole life and paid tax, she has now taken unwell and is unable to work and she did not qualify for medical retirement. Now she has lost her job with cutbacks during this covid 19 crisis). So essentially the government will be paying her mortgage. Either way I am here for relationship, not financial advice. I have not asked or mentioned anything regarding what would be the arrangement on our marital home as you put it, purely the outcome of my mums flat.
    I mentioned your own flat because you were talking about a prenup to protect your assets. If you are not worried about your own flat, why do you need a prenup? you don't have a child you need to protect to make sure they get an inheritance from you?
    If you classify your mom's flat as a rental business and get a tax id number, etc, OR place it in a trust, it would be separate from your assets.

  7. #16

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    Seraphim, I suppose everyone is different. The fact this is for the mothers security and not mine doesn't mean planning for failure. Regarding prenuptial in general for marital homes..... Even then everyone knows that alot of relationships don't last forever even if they feel like they will at the time. So instead of planning for failure it's more agreeing what happens if things don't go to plan to make life better for everyone including future kids and your own well being.

  8. #17
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Ajns26
    Seraphim, I suppose everyone is different. The fact this is for the mothers security and not mine doesn't mean planning for failure. Regarding prenuptial in general for marital homes..... Even then everyone knows that alot of relationships don't last forever even if they feel like they will at the time. So instead of planning for failure it's more agreeing what happens if things don't go to plan to make life better for everyone including future kids and your own well being.
    See, I see that as planning for failure and how people protect THEMSELVES, not creat a UNION.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Ajns26
    @seraphim - even if it was for the mothers property that the son was taking over? She just wants to confirm that if we were to get married and then divorce she would not have any worry regarding loosing the roof over her head. Or that I loose half my inheritance that she's worked all her life for. Right now neither of us think my girlfriend is capable of this and also I wouldn't be looking at buying a house with someone I don't expect to be with for the rest of my life. However as mentioned my mum was divorced after 16 years of marriage and 21 years of being together in total so she does have trust issues regardless and knows that "sh1t happens".

    wait a minute - if this woman has "inheritance" saved up for you, she needs to be using this money now to live and survive. I want my parents to live comfortably - have enough food, have a safe home, get to go travel to visit their siblings, etc, while they are alive and if they were sitting on my "inheritance" while they were out of work and not able to afford their mortgage, i would want them to use that money to stay in their home. So, you want to help mom sponge off the government so the money she saved for you is preserved? that is very wrong. Make your own money, have mom pay her own mortgage or find one that is more economical - that way you won't have anything to worry about on a prenup. When mom dies, you sell her flat to pay for her funeral, any final bills or back medical bills and what is left you split with your siblings if any and then use to help out *your* family - wife, future kids.

  10. #19

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    Yes, but we aren't doing it that way, I am not a property tycoon and with it being a single lease to my mum it's alot easier to do the following way and get an agreement that when we marry, if we were to divorce this property has nothing to do with her what so ever. As far as I'm aware she would be able to go after half of everything the way the UK law is set for divorces. If I was the parent I would be wanting the same peace of mind....
    I would like to add neither of us think she would do this.

    Also this was a quick comment, saying my mum had requested this if we were to get married. Nothing serous

  11. #20
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Well, a prenup is never an off the cuff comment or just some random comment. I can see why she would be upset .

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