Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 32

Thread: My boyfriend (22) hates my mom (51)

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    14
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by SherrySher
    You are pushing for a more serious relationship than he wants. He wants to date, not a wife. And you're pushing. At this point, Moms don't even need to be involved.

    You both can be polite to them, but you are still just dating.
    No, he's actually the one pushing for a more serious relationship. We were long distance for a semester and I wanted to break things up, and he didn't, he wants me over with his parents very often, and wants to be home with me and my family too, he's the one who's always planning ahead and stuff, and he loves to spend time with my family (cousins, uncles, grandma, etc.), everyone except my mom.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,058
    Gender
    Male
    He doesn't have to like your mother. Stop forcing it. However the fact that she is watching out for you speaks volumes. He was nasty to you and she was there. He broke up with you and she was there. Now stop and reflect on if this is a guy you want to continue to bother with. He sounds difficult, at best.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,700
    I could end up spending my whole life with won't get past something that happened a year ago.
    Unless you've got an engagement ring on your hand, you're jumping the gun for the time being and secondly, you cannot force people to like one another. If it bothers you that your boyfriend doesn't like your mom and it's not going to change, then it's up to you to decide if it's a deal breaker.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,480
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by serendipitat
    He might not hate her, but he does point out whenever something slips with his parents. I have a great relationship with his mom, and he got upset I asked him to remind me what her birthday was! When he's so often saying how my mom "wanted him out of my life" so "what does that tell him about her?". He says he'll try to get along but "you can't force a feeling" and he's been saying that for over a year. I initially didn't like his dad, and it only took me some time to get past it, cause I really put in the effort. I feel like he has no intention to do so at all.
    Some people are naturally rude and pessimistic or rude and passive aggressive because they're insecure. You can't help or fix an insecure person. Those are self-confidence issues that are someone else's issues they need to work on. They behave poorly because they're not able to feel good about themselves overall.

    You mentioned he often says your mum "wanted him out of [your] life". How often? Is it every week or at least 2-3 times a month? If so, yes, there are issues and if it's been ongoing for a year, he sounds like the type of person who's able to hold on to grudges. Is that the kind of person you want to be with?

    I agree with Sherry about creating some boundaries when it comes to your parents. If you go into the situation thinking it's a problem or there's a problem, you'll create problems. As a last ditch effort, I'd try to remain as neutral as possible and stop inviting negative talk about parents. If he's bent on staying down and negative about the past and can't let that grudge go, you might want to be honest and tell him those comments he makes are wearing you down. Be open about it and if he's still obstinate or unwilling to reason or be open to a relationship with your parents, this is a clear sign this person doesn't have the maturity or ability to make you happy in the long run.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,700
    No, he's actually the one pushing for a more serious relationship. We were long distance for a semester and I wanted to break things up, and he didn't, he wants me over with his parents very often, and wants to be home with me and my family too, he's the one who's always planning ahead and stuff, and he loves to spend time with my family (cousins, uncles, grandma, etc.), everyone except my mom.
    Okay, well that paints a different picture. Now, it really has come down to you telling him that if it wants a serious future with you, he's going to have to try harder with your mom or it's a deal breaker. I think that's the only choice you've got left now.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared
    Age
    53
    Posts
    37,857
    Gender
    Female
    I, personally couldnít have a serious relationship with someone who hated my mother.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2016
    Posts
    6,700
    I, personally couldnít have a serious relationship with someone who hated my mother.
    Same. I'd be calling it a day, especially if my mom had been trying to remedy it.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Posts
    13,957
    My brother's first wife hated both me and our mother. She forced him to choose. He chose her. It took YEARS to repair that relationship. Prior to that my siblings and our mother and I were very close.

    My brother ended up divorcing her many years later. She was abusive during the divorce process and to this day, 15 years later, continues to be verbally abusive whenever they need to discuss their shared children. It's been a complete nightmare.

    Has he asked you to choose? Or is he just not wanting to have a relationship with your mom?

  10. #19
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    17,077
    Gender
    Female
    I think he's playing the "hate" card because he senses your Mom is on to his antics. I'm sure she sees the big picture here, and is simply looking out for your well being.

    Either way, he sounds a bit immature. Listen to Mom...

  11. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    14
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    My brother's first wife hated both me and our mother. She forced him to choose. He chose her. It took YEARS to repair that relationship. Prior to that my siblings and our mother and I were very close.

    My brother ended up divorcing her many years later. She was abusive during the divorce process and to this day, 15 years later, continues to be verbally abusive whenever they need to discuss their shared children. It's been a complete nightmare.

    Has he asked you to choose? Or is he just not wanting to have a relationship with your mom?
    He hasn't made me choose. But he does say his relationship is with me and not with her, but when my mom tries so much to treat him well I dislike how he can't try at least a little bit to show gratitude or forgive her.

Page 2 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Videos


How To Overcome A Divorce

Love Hormone Oxytocin Improves Stressful Relationships

Forgiveness Does Not Always Solve Relationship Problems

Too Much Commitment Can Destroy Romantic Relationship

Why Is It So Hard To Quit Smoking?

TV Romance Can Ruin Real-Life Relationships
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •