Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 31

Thread: What do I do when my boyfriend blocks on everything after a big fight?

  1. #1
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    8

    What do I do when my boyfriend blocks on everything after a big fight?

    Me (19) and my boyfriend (19) just had a big fight earlier and really regret it. The night before, he asked me to do a favor for him that can be easily done, he slept early while I stayed up until 5 am to finish my term paper. Long-story short I woke up really early for our class and I got cranky because I lacked sleep and that affected how I talked to my boyfriend. I was slightly irritated that time to do him a favor about last night even though I told him that I can do what he's asking for.

    I got cranky in our text messages and told him to please do it himself instead because this isnt the first time I've been doing him any favors and that I stayed up all night. He woke up to my text messages and he got really mad at my tone. He started saying some really brutal things to me, some things I know a partner shouldnt say, like how Im useless, stupid, and many more. He always does this whenever we fight and I dont think he realizes how painful it is for me to hear those words from someone I care about. After our argument in the call he started blocking me everywhere and now I feel anxious because I think he's calling things off.

    In our 7 months of being in a relationship he has never blocked me in every argument we had and I think this is a sign that he might break up with me. I love him so much but theres a part of me where I wish he realized that saying mean things to your partner just isnt right. Because of our past fights I admit that I am scared of addressing the problems I've had with him as my boyfriend, because I dont know if he would really consider or he'll just start an argument all over again. He apologizes for the things he say but sometimes that can only do so little; his words really get to me and I just keep replaying them in my mind.

    I really regret acting up on him after he did something genuine for me last night, and I wanna make things right but I just dont know if I should still keep going. We are always on and off and Im always the one chasing him even in arguments where I am right. Its tiring and emotionally draining and I just wish he could change his ways in our relationship as this is one of many reasons why his previous relationship didnt work.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    1,952
    Gender
    Female
    Just wait till he cools off, and he will contact you again. He just did it because he wanted some space to process things.

    In the meantime, you should consider this a blessing and move on. If he is always like this, he won't change not even for you. Who needs that? not you!

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    39,130
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry to hear this. Your instincts were correct to tell him to do it himself.School comes first not favors for bfs. You mention "in every argument", and on/off that after dating 7 mos? Frankly he sounds like a tool. He knows it hurts you, that's why he does it. Do not be anyone's slave or whipping post.

    Talk to some trusted adult friends and family about his name calling, demanding favors, chronic arguing, etc. it would be best if you deleted and blocked him from all your social media and messaging apps. Take some time off from dating. Read up on signs of emotional abuse.
    Originally Posted by seanelly
    in our text messages and told him to please do it himself. He started saying some really brutal things to me, some things I know a partner shouldnt say, like how Im useless, stupid, and many more. He always does this

    Because of our past fights I admit that I am scared of addressing the problems I've had with him as my boyfriend, because I dont know if he would really consider or he'll just start an argument all over again.We are always on and off

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2020
    Posts
    54
    Not much you can do, wait it out and leave him alone. If it starts going in to weeks rather than days its probably over between you.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2016
    Posts
    4,931
    Gender
    Female
    I would break up with him. Too much manipulation, aggravation, and stress. Relationships shouldn't be like this.

  7. #6
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    755
    Gender
    Male
    i think both of you are not compatible, its unhealthy and abusive to go through blocking and all the name calling, just a very bad way of resolving conflicts.
    cut him off for your own sanity, learn the lesson from this, wait for the right person, get rid of the bad apples. let him go.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,519
    Gender
    Female
    His reaction was no good. To be clear, are you saying that he attacks you as a whole all the time whenever you fight? That's not fighting fair and being a plain bully. He doesn't respect you.

    It's one thing if he was disappointed or down about you not being able to do that thing (whatever he asked of you) and it's another if he lashes out at you and demoralizes you.

    If he messages you again to meet up you might want to be clear about what you won't put up with. On your own end it might be useful to make a mental note to yourself next time not to over-promise or make promises to others that are unrealistic. That just takes time and experience. It still doesn't excuse his behaviour.

    And definitely, no, do not make it up to him. He should be apologizing to you for his outburst and coming to his own conclusions about how he's overreacted.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,297
    Your boyfriend actually reminds me of several of my relatives. It's either their way or the highway. Well, guess what? I deliberately chose the highway.

    Your boyfriend lacks emotional intelligence (EQ). Google "emotional intelligence." You can never be compatible with a person who lacks empathy. It will never work in a million years. A person either knows how to communicate or correspond peacefully or they're impulsive which is mental illness. If you don't act the way you're supposed to act in their eyes, it's off with your head, i.e., you'll get blocked. This is an extremely passive aggressive tactic. You either act the way you're expected to act or you're slashed out of their life; often numerous times until you've "learned your lesson." It's a way of "disciplining" you and their "teaching" you to shut up, feed their ego by saying or writing what they want you to say or write or you'll get cut off either semi-permanently or permanently.

    It's a narcissistic trait. Some people have grandiose self importance and you'd better conform to their rules and standards or they'll take Draconian measures by blocking you, ignoring you, hanging up on your in the middle of your verbal phone conversation and basically mince you to bits.

    You'd better be very careful with these types of mentally ill people because this is not normal, calm, peaceful, "let's resolve this" type behavior. It's very manipulating, controlling, impulsive, nasty, ugly behavior. They will always remain superior and you are inferior. Both of you are not equals and whenever there's an argument, they will see to it that they'll always win. They'll wear you down to exasperation and defeat. Manipulative, controlling, gaslighting people are masters at winning every fight by acting like creatures. Google "gaslighting." Educate yourself regarding the evils of human psychology. The ONLY way to get back into their good graces is for you to swallow your pride, grovel, beg for forgiveness and apologize even in cases where they are the perpetrators and you don't owe them an apology because you've done nothing wrong. Yes, this is how sick it can get.

    Since your relationship with your boyfriend is dysfunctional, very abnormal and volatile, it's better to break up. A normal relationship of all types whether a relationship with someone, marriage, friendship, neighbor, family or in-law relationship should be filled with love, respect, empathy, kindness, poise, patience, very high emotional intelligence, maturity, common courtesy, common decency, consideration, dignity, integrity and all virtues we hold dear. If any and all relationships are not harmonious, then it's doomed for failure.

    With some unavoidable people such as relatives, in-laws, colleagues, friends, mutual friends, neighbors and the like, enforced healthy boundaries are required. With others, it's time for permanent estrangement in order to have peace between two people.

    Healthy, very content, secure, calm, peaceful, wonderful relationships should not be filled with emotionally draining angst 24 / 7. Content, loving, respectful relationships are calm, peaceful and the way life should be. Know the difference.

    Only be with people who treat you with respect and love because respect is love. Everyone else should take a long walk on a short pier in your mind. Don't ever waste your time, energy and resources on rejects. They're not worth it.

  10. #9
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    8
    hello thank you for replying to my thread :) I just feel confused as of now and I feel like Im also in the wrong here, my boyfriend helped me on some parts of my term paper and I feel like I have a mistke of agreeing to doing him a favor in his attendance in our class. The next morning I was really cranky from my lack of sleep and sort of blamed him for asking that favor and thats the reason why I wanted to make it up to him. I kinda admit that I sometimes dont know if Im still in the right when it comes to my relationship. And right now me and him are talking and idk what to say because this seems like a make or break it chance in our relationship.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    3,519
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by seanelly
    hello thank you for replying to my thread :) I just feel confused as of now and I feel like Im also in the wrong here, my boyfriend helped me on some parts of my term paper and I feel like I have a mistke of agreeing to doing him a favor in his attendance in our class. The next morning I was really cranky from my lack of sleep and sort of blamed him for asking that favor and thats the reason why I wanted to make it up to him. I kinda admit that I sometimes dont know if Im still in the right when it comes to my relationship. And right now me and him are talking and idk what to say because this seems like a make or break it chance in our relationship.
    That's fine if you feel a sense of obligation to follow through on your promises. I would too. Calling you useless and stupid is not acceptable, imo. I tend to think if someone really cares so much about you they'd be more concerned about your lack of sleep and getting to class or getting through your day safely. Did he apologize to you at all for calling you those things or did he casually pretend he didn't say them?

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Videos


Why People Lie On Online Dating Services?

Relationships During Quarantine

Cheating Husbands Are at Risk of a Heart Attack

Romance At Work: Yes Or No?

How To Overcome A Divorce

Love Hormone Oxytocin Improves Stressful Relationships
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •