Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 34

Thread: Any thoughts on this?

  1. #1

    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    13

    Any thoughts on this?

    So I met some and we really hit it off, pretty fast connection that was a strong connection.

    This went well for a few years , she gave thought to marrying me and stuff, and then she tired of some of the ways I was behaving (I have anxiety which adds to this) and at that things got called off and we barely talked at all or were barely around each other for about four years.

    I had been gone for over an entire year too and when I got back we actually picked up right way and over the next year and a half we actually were getting along better than we ever have, and she gave thought to marrying me again.

    However, my anxiety started acting up and I acted poorly, a bit clingy and so forth. ( She also thought I had OCD instead of just anxiety, so that contributed.)
    She was overwhelmed and it drove her away. We actually havenít spoken for the past five years, but have a lot of mutual friends.

    Since Iíve gotten a handle of my anxiety and have learned a lot about relating to people, such as I wouldnít be clingy and would be casual and relaxed about everything.

    Is it completely unrealistic that I might be able to tell her how my life is doing much better one day?


    Also, just last night I had a dream where a group of friends of mine and I were at a mall and I told one of my closest friends I still have feelings for this Woman, which really surprised me.
    What might a dream like that mean?


    Thank you.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,185
    How are you dealing with the anxiety? What would you do?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    4,045
    It's common to dream of people we used to know or places we have been to or once lived in. They're all long term memories. It sounds like you had a serious relationship with this person and that person held a special place in your life at one time.

    I'd see whether it's appropriate touching base with her after five years. If she's moved on, married, with kids or has relocated it might not be a good idea. It's good that you are reflecting on yourself and growing forwards. Keep doing that and introducing new hobbies and new company in your life.

  4. #4

    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    13
    Iím going to see Counselor and also been looking at instances in my life when the anxiety has been there.

  5.  

  6. #5

    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    13
    Thank you, and that is good advice.

    If she is single and open to the idea of touching base, on her terms of course, then it might be appropriate?


    Thanks again.

    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    It's common to dream of people we used to know or places we have been to or once lived in. They're all long term memories. It sounds like you had a serious relationship with this person and that person held a special place in your life at one time.

    I'd see whether it's appropriate touching base with her after five years. If she's moved on, married, with kids or has relocated it might not be a good idea. It's good that you are reflecting on yourself and growing forwards. Keep doing that and introducing new hobbies and new company in your life.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,675
    Are you currently in contact with her?

    I'm a little confused by the timeline. And a dream is just a random collection of thoughts strung together; I wouldn't read into it, considering you already know that you still have feelings for her.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Skeptic76's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Location
    California
    Age
    43
    Posts
    581
    Gender
    Male
    Originally Posted by PaulZS
    Thank you, and that is good advice.

    If she is single and open to the idea of touching base, on her terms of course, then it might be appropriate?


    Thanks again.
    It seems obvious you want to reach out. You wonít know if sheís open to the idea of ďtouching baseĒ unless you touch base. And yes, if sheís not single that would be very selfish and disrespectful. But if sheís single then why not? The worst that can happen is sheíll tell you to pound sand.

    It sounds to me like there is possibly a deep abiding love though. She might want to reconnect?

    Hard to predict but you never know unless you try.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    2,095
    The timelines are a blur to me too.

    Can you please give dates of when you met and how, how long together?
    When did you split? When did you get back together and when you split again?

    When did you start seeing a counsellor?
    And are you still?

    Have you dated others in the meantime? Has she?

    When you say you have mutual friends , how come you havenít seen her in years?

    The dream means nothing.

  10. #9

    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    13
    Thanks. Since it has been asked, originally it went from 2003-2007, then from late 2007-2009 we didnít really see each other or speak much at all and around summer 2009 she started saying hi to me again at least.

    Late summer 2010 we made peace and then I was gone doing various school and work things until September 2011 at which point I came back and as I said we actually became closer than we ever had before until 2015, at which point I unfortunately acted a bit clingy and anxious as I described.

    We both went no contact at that point.

    To give a little background, I had only dated very casually before, just coffee dates and such and the thought of dating actually made me a little nervous and she actually had no dating experience and had nerves about it too.

    People did kind of root for us and say we were good for each other, they said that especially the 2011-2015 period was good for us.

    I have not dated anyone since 2015, not sure about her, I have met some nice and attractive people but I havenít so much as asked anyone to coffee or a phone number. My main focus has been on bettering, improving myself , and living my life to its fullest.

    For seeing a Counselor about anxiety, I did that in 2004 and 2005 and I started again this year.

    If I am curious if she is single, is it best if I find out that out from her or could one of the mutual friends tell me?


    Also I actually hadnít thought about her much from 2015 until just about a week ago where, as I mentioned, I thought it might be nice to at least touch base, if that is something she would be open to doing, and tell her about the progress Iíve made, how well Iíve been doing.

    Thanks.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Posts
    10,675
    So, it's been 5 years since you had any contact with her?

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •