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Thread: Living abroad problems/rambling that probably doesn't make sense

  1. #1
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    Living abroad problems/rambling that probably doesn't make sense

    I'm not sure anyone can offer me advice or comment on this, but I think even writing it down and sharing it with people will help.

    Back-story, may not be relevant: I moved abroad alone when I was 24, and I'm now 26. I moved for a new experience, to gain work experience and to learn a new language. I ended up falling in love with the job I had and the city/country, and I never left. However, when the COVID lockdown happened, I felt immensely lonely and insecure in my surroundings (I live alone in a studio flat). My work stopped, I wasn't seriously dating someone I could move in with, my friends didn't have spare rooms etc. We were all either isolating totally alone in small studio flats or going home to family. In the end I left my studio, and went home to my family in the countryside.

    Anyway... What I am concerned about is...

    1) the fact that I absolutely CANNOT be alone for significant amounts of time. Is anyone else like this? The thought of going to bed alone and waking up alone and making breakfast alone etc etc makes me feel absolutely awful. I guess I can accept this about myself, however I don't really have the choice but to be alone at the moment. I can't live with my parents forever. I have to get out there and find my own job, my own house, create my own family... I just don't feel I have the strength in me to keep going :( Maybe it's COVID that's giving me this much anxiety but I just feel awful and don't know how to get better. I did live alone for years here and for the most part actually, I could have been happier with my day-to-day life. In fact honestly, I've never really been happy with my day-to-day life. :( This is a whole new topic...

    2) the pandemic situation made me realise who my real friends are, and most of them are back home. Moving home has also reminded me how much I love my family, and how lucky I am to have them. And I want to spend more time with them. Surely then, it makes sense to move back permanently... However, the problem with my home country is that there are not a lot of people to meet (old population, mostly countryside) and I am (sort of) single. I can move to the capital, where there is a lot more going on and where my hobbies and interests exist. But that's still going to involve a lot of loneliness.

    3) the sort-of single part: do I stop dating someone I REAAAAALLY like because of this? I probably should.

    4) I don't feel like myself in the new city. I am insecure there. I rely to heavily on people I don't know very well. It suits me in many ways the new city, but perhaps feeling secure is what is most important in this changed world.

    I guess at the moment, everything is going to involve loneliness as we are social-distancing. So maybe I need to learn to be alone. It just seems so hard to me.

    If anyone is or has been in a similar situation, or has any wisdom to share, that would be awesome :)

    Hope everyone's alright.
    Last edited by bonbon; 05-16-2020 at 03:02 PM.

  2. #2
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    1)I can't relate since I am the exact opposite. Sorry.

    2)Maybe you expect from friends a lot more than friends could provide? Friends are not family. You need to either develop a coping mechanism regarding loneliness or move close to your family.

    4)What do you mean by relying on people you don't know? Are you talking about colleagues?

    At the end of the day, there is no right or wrong. Do whatever you like. If you want to move close to your family, it's fine. If you want to move to your country's capital, this is also fine. If you want to stay abroad, stay abroad :)

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you were homesick, which you realized when you went back home. Nothing unusual, anyone can relate to that.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    I am confused, you wrote that you fell in love with your job and the city/country but them you wrote that you don't feel like yourself, you are insecure there and you weren't really happy with your day to day life.

    I'm sure you are conflicted (as I am now), so that's probably what I'm reading here.

    I am moving back home next week (albeit into my own apartment) because I can't take the isolation anymore. So I do get it. I used to love the city I'm currently in but right now I kind of hate it.

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  6. #5
    Silver Member BecxyRex's Avatar
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    Sorry Iím confused, did you move back to your home country or did your family join you in the new country?

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    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The lockdowns and quarantines won't last forever. Stay strong and go one step at a time. Don't try and plan your entire lifetime or your next steps based on 2020's ongoings alone. You're already home with family temporarily it seems. Stay there until all this passes if you like especially if you're no longer employed or temporarily laid off. Let 2020 pass and regain your strength around your family and loved ones and don't beat yourself up or second guess yourself or worry too much about how much your hometown may be lacking.

    If you feel upset, sad, lonely right now you're definitely not alone in that. Plenty of people are going stir crazy or upset about one thing or another or worse, going hungry, facing domestic violence at home or not having access to basic necessities like proper healthcare. You can keep up your mental health by figuring out new routines for yourself and not overwhelming yourself or being too overly critical of yourself. Create projects and think proactively about your space, your body, your home, your career, without getting too frustrated with the details. We can't plan for everything (I wouldn't get too far ahead) but we can work with what we do know and what we do have. Maybe there are things around the house or your parents' yard that need tending. Or maybe there's a shed that needs to be painted. What about planning mani/pedis for yourself every week and finding podcasts or documentaries that interest you. Keep learning and stay curious. It's good to reflect but don't cave in! One step at a time.

  8. #7
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    I live abroad too, OP. And I have been under a very rigid lockdown (alone) for the last 2.5 months.

    I also love my adopted city/country. Lockdown has been tough, and while I have a partner, we weren't permitted to leave our homes and stay with partners after the lockdown suddenly came down. I am fine living alone generally, but I understand that it's a different feeling when you're not in your home country and away from oldest friends and closest family at a time of crisis. It heightens that sense of vulnerability.

    My advice would be to wait a until the worst of the pandemic has passed. Try to visit your family back home, when it's safe to do so. Re-evaluate how your feel after the peak of the crisis fades and you regain your footing, so to speak. PM me if you want to chat more about it!


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