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I ended it but now I regret it.


StokeCity1

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Hey, so I was in a relationship with someone for around 4 months, I met this girl shortly after me and my ex of 3 years broke up.

At first, I thought this girl was amazing and I really fell in love with the person I first met.

 

As weeks passed I started to notice the effort wasn't really there, (she was working mad hours due to the Coronavirus) she used to argue with me whenever I expressed my feelings, if I mentioned my anxiety she used to say things like, "I've gone through worse stop dwelling on things" but when it was her anxiety playing up well it was a different story!

 

She never used to really ask about my family or take interests in what I would like music etc, I ended it about 2 weeks ago, thinking she would fight for it and I was mistaken, she just had a go at me for not understanding how hard she works but to be fair, I did end it because work was her priority and she can't give me what I wantbut apparently that's me being manipulative.

 

I just wasnt happy because I had a lot of things going on in my life too which she never sat down and helped me through it, I mentioned this and she said "well I did when we first got together but it didnt work for you, I'm gonna tell you how it is"

 

We are still in contact but half the time she ignores me and I see her online, if I ignore her though she constantly messages me, rings me.

When she is with other people she ignores me for hours but soon as she is alone, she talks properly.

 

Drives me insane, I've seen her a couple of times too, we didn't have sex but we cuddled most of these times but when I did see her it was me bringing her food or helping her with something out of the goodness of my heart. For some reason I can't let her go and I have no idea what to do, everytime I bring up us or the relationship she will deflect the conversation and say she doesnt feel well.. can someone help me with advice cause I'm I'm about to lose my mind

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Dude it's not working, you did the right thing by ending it. There are plenty of more suitable fish to date in the sea. It's never a good idea to date someone who has anxiety too...you both end up deflecting/ignoring each other to get rid of the anxiousness. It will never work.

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This relationship sounds one sided to me. YOU are the one who seems to be giving, giving, giving. She seems to be very self-centered (narcissistic), dismissive of your feelings and quite disrespectful. She undoubtedly devalues you, and you either don't realise it, or you are ignoring it? Red flag, my friend! Why are you so hooked on someone who treats you like a doormat? You allow yourself to be treated poorly by this woman because you care for her but she doesn't seem to reciprocate. There's take and give from both parties in a relationship so you are not being manipulative. She's selfish. Don't you see that??? You need to raise your expectations. Break all ties with her and work on healing yourself first. That takes time, and I think you jumped into this relationship way too quickly.

 

Do yourself a huge favour and forget her. She needs all the attention to be focused on her. You don't need that drama in your life.

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This has some similarities to a 4 month thing I had when I was 19. He was the one who pursued me hot and heavy and after a few months it started dwindling, and he was very self-centered. Even with the jerky sides I saw of him, since he was extremely attractive and had a fun personality, I wanted it to work but did give an ultimatum which I didn't think would work out the way I thought it would, just like you.

 

Given time and distance I was glad it didn't work out. You will too, so I suggest no contact so you can move on.

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Sorry to hear this. Rebounds often don't pan out long term for all the reasons you mention (finding fault, because you are really still pining over someone,etc.).

 

Therapy would be a better solution than expecting someone you are dating 16 weeks to fix your stuff.

I was in a relationship with someone for around 4 months, I met this girl shortly after me and my ex of 3 years broke up.

I had a lot of things going on in my life too which she never sat down and helped me through it

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Sorry to hear this. Rebounds often don't pan out long term for all the reasons you mention (finding fault, because you are really still pining over someone,etc.).

 

Therapy would be a better solution than expecting someone you are dating 16 weeks to fix your stuff.

 

Came in for work advice myself but had to stop by the old breakup forum aaand it looks about the same as 10 years ago haha, geez.

 

Proposing therapy for everything under the sun including a breakup sounds about right ENA!

 

The OP doesnt seem to be pining for his original ex at all tho. He sounds very over that one and very into the new girl... what is special about her? She is new. So I will give my unpopular opinion here and say fix this by getting another one OP. If you could get her you can get another one.

 

You're not traumatized or broken from a regular degular breakup so just do the thing that helped you get over your last ex and dont waste your money. Makes sense to me.

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Everything you described about that "relationship" sounds like misery. Honestly, I have no idea what you're missing. She ignored your feelings, her feelings were always more important. Her life was more important and it didn't sound like she had much respect for you. You two didn't get time together and when you did, she didn't take an interest in you or what you were interested in.

 

To me, that's not a relationship. That's two people hanging out due to lack of choices. Whatever you might have liked about one another in the beginning, didn't last and you are totally incompatible.

 

I think you're more hurt about her not caring about it being over. Not so much because of her in particular, but more so because you want a woman to be missing you and caring deeply. She just happens to be the last woman you dated, and who doesn't really care. So it's a blow to your ego more than actually being upset over her in particular.

 

Do yourself a favour, delete and block her. You're never going to find anything good there. Change your focus to other women. Make profiles on dating sites, chat with women, try to connect with just one.

If you find one on the dating site that you connect with, it will bring your smile back and won't have you feeling so unwanted as you do now.

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Sorry but this has been turbulent and full of problems from day one. It sounds like sheer madness. If you are not ready for a new relationship, take a break. But don't put her through the same wringer you put your ex through.

 

She is stressed from 12 hr shifts, you are playing games, picking fights, blocking her etc. All at a time when things should be rosy and cozy in the beginning. It seems you are still angry at your ex or in general. Yes, therapy can help with all that displaced anger.

I was at a very low point in my life and she came and pretty much saved me

 

I started little arguments just to see if she cared (I did it with my ex)

she broke it off and wants to be friends for now

 

so tonight I blocked her

she told me i was being childish and selfish

 

it ended in a screaming match.

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Sorry but this has been turbulent and full of problems from day one. It sounds like sheer madness. If you are not ready for a new relationship, take a break. But don't put her through the same wringer you put your ex through.

 

She is stressed from 12 hr shifts, you are playing games, picking fights, blocking her etc. All at a time when things should be rosy and cozy in the beginning. It seems you are still angry at your ex or in general. Yes, therapy can help with all that displaced anger.

 

Excuse me? What I put my ex through? My ex emotionally abused me for 3 years when I did nothing but love that girl with all of my heart? And playing games? I ended this new relationship because I know work is her priority and she can't give me what I want? And she wanted stay friends and not block her but I can't do it because being in contact with her is prolonging the pain! I'm not angry at my ex and I have happily moved on away from her bull. Just wish I didnt do it sooner

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Came in for work advice myself but had to stop by the old breakup forum aaand it looks about the same as 10 years ago haha, geez.

 

Proposing therapy for everything under the sun including a breakup sounds about right ENA!

 

The OP doesnt seem to be pining for his original ex at all tho. He sounds very over that one and very into the new girl... what is special about her? She is new. So I will give my unpopular opinion here and say fix this by getting another one OP. If you could get her you can get another one.

 

You're not traumatized or broken from a regular degular breakup so just do the thing that helped you get over your last ex and dont waste your money. Makes sense to me.

 

Haha I'm a she but thanks anyway for your advice!

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Everything you described about that "relationship" sounds like misery. Honestly, I have no idea what you're missing. She ignored your feelings, her feelings were always more important. Her life was more important and it didn't sound like she had much respect for you. You two didn't get time together and when you did, she didn't take an interest in you or what you were interested in.

 

To me, that's not a relationship. That's two people hanging out due to lack of choices. Whatever you might have liked about one another in the beginning, didn't last and you are totally incompatible.

 

I think you're more hurt about her not caring about it being over. Not so much because of her in particular, but more so because you want a woman to be missing you and caring deeply. She just happens to be the last woman you dated, and who doesn't really care. So it's a blow to your ego more than actually being upset over her in particular.

 

Do yourself a favour, delete and block her. You're never going to find anything good there. Change your focus to other women. Make profiles on dating sites, chat with women, try to connect with just one.

If you find one on the dating site that you connect with, it will bring your smile back and won't have you feeling so unwanted as you do now.

 

Exactly, i just need to walk away and block her. Even being friends she ignores me so

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Dude it's not working, you did the right thing by ending it. There are plenty of more suitable fish to date in the sea. It's never a good idea to date someone who has anxiety too...you both end up deflecting/ignoring each other to get rid of the anxiousness. It will never work.

 

Thank you, I know exactly what I need to do now

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How recent did the workaholic stuff start? I ask because I know COVID has made everything irregular. In my job, our sales pipeline has collapsed and we are working hard to rebuild it. For many others, employees were laid off, leaving the employees who still have a job to do more with less and pickup the extra work. With layoffs looming, nobody wants to look like they are not carrying their weight.

 

I actually will disagree with others - I don’t think this is a doomed relationship. You broke up with somebody hoping they’d fight for you. That’s a bit different (manipulative?) versus having a discussion about a concern. You played an aggressive offense and are mad at how this person chose to protect her heart. In general, people don’t have the healthiest coping skills; also they’re not going to get all vulnerable, open up, fix problems, when they’ve just been thrown a blow - what did you expect?

 

I would say calm down, give things time and space apart, see where things are once wounds have healed a little. There’s no need to make urgent decisions about staying friends or not, dating again or not. Just lay low.

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Exactly. Just delete and block when it's over.

My ex emotionally abused me for 3 years.I'm not angry at my ex and I have happily moved on away from her bull. I ended this new relationship because I know work is her priority and she can't give me what I want
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How recent did the workaholic stuff start? I ask because I know COVID has made everything irregular. In my job, our sales pipeline has collapsed and we are working hard to rebuild it. For many others, employees were laid off, leaving the employees who still have a job to do more with less and pickup the extra work. With layoffs looming, nobody wants to look like they are not carrying their weight.

 

I actually will disagree with others - I don’t think this is a doomed relationship. You broke up with somebody hoping they’d fight for you. That’s a bit different (manipulative?) versus having a discussion about a concern. You played an aggressive offense and are mad at how this person chose to protect her heart. In general, people don’t have the healthiest coping skills; also they’re not going to get all vulnerable, open up, fix problems, when they’ve just been thrown a blow - what did you expect?

 

I would say calm down, give things time and space apart, see where things are once wounds have healed a little. There’s no need to make urgent decisions about staying friends or not, dating again or not. Just lay low.

 

I am going to agree with you. My ex sent me a long howler because i didn't beg or fight for him.

 

just wasnt happy because I had a lot of things going on in my life too which she never sat down and helped me through it,

 

Were you expecting someone you dated for 16 weeks to be your helpmate and your therapist? You should be going on dates, not "help eachother through things going on in your life." With everything going on with the pandemic or at least half of your relationship - she was probably working like crazy OR hunkering down with family.

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I am going to agree with you. My ex sent me a long howler because i didn't beg or fight for him.

 

just wasnt happy because I had a lot of things going on in my life too which she never sat down and helped me through it,

 

Were you expecting someone you dated for 16 weeks to be your helpmate and your therapist? You should be going on dates, not "help eachother through things going on in your life." With everything going on with the pandemic or at least half of your relationship - she was probably working like crazy OR hunkering down with family.

 

No not at all but I expected her to at least ask me what was going on instead of just "stop dwelling on things you'll be fine, I've gone through worse" and dismissing my feelings, everytime I told her how I felt, she made into an argument and constantly got angry.

And going out on dates? We've never been on one! Everytime I asked do something she didn't want to, she hasn't been out in public with me. One time her friend rang her while we were in bed together and within 5 minutes, she went out with this friend and left me in her house, didn't even invite me or nothing.

Do you have any idea how that feels? I was on no social media, barely anybody knew about me.

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