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boltnrun

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I just don't understand how my cousin could make a statement like that knowing his own family has been subjected to racial discrimination.

 

Sorry about all that.

 

Mystifying, isn't it? And yet so very common. You're a woman, so I'm going to risk coming across as an assumptive caveman and say that you've likely spent time, directly or indirectly, hearing men (with wives, with daughters) dismiss the frustrations of women about matters like, I don't know, wanting equal opportunity, equal respect, equal pay.

 

Think a similar social-psychological mechanism is at play.

 

Not to get too deep, but I think it's about, at least in part, the way we metabolize trauma. Whether we are the inflictors of trauma or the traumatized, it's something to reckon with. Ideally, the reckoning is about accepting the reality of trauma, and then making adjustments to nullify what led to it ignorer to create a less traumatic future. But often the response is to normalize it—a coping mechanism that perpetuates trauma by making the traumatized perpetrators.

 

Some riffing that probably doesn't help as much as a graceful unfollow, to keep the head and heart both open and protected. Glad to hear you're finding the right balance on those fronts.

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Thanks, Blue.

 

What's even more mystifying is the woman he lives with (and the mother of his children) is an immigrant from Mexico. When he first started dating her she had a green card. So his own children are 3/4 Mexican-American, yet he says he's tired of all the whining about racism and discrimination.

 

Ah well...one thing I agree with Mr. Bush about is how the different opinions and perspectives are one thing that makes the United States a great country. However, it's a shame that some people have to shove their opinions onto others and react violently when someone disagrees with them. I didn't reply to my cousin's post or message him berating him about it. I just unfollowed him. As far as I know he's not screaming in anyone's face or calling anyone derogatory, racist terms. And I don't see him, he lives halfway across the country. I love him and I know he loves me, so I'm going to make like Frozen and "Let It Go". But still unfollow lol.

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the different opinions and perspectives are one thing that makes the United States a great country.

 

I agree. And frankly, I understand your cousin's weariness. There's a disturbingly polarizing current in the air these days. It oversimplifies the complexity of human thought with slippery-slope attitudes like, "You can't be both weary and sympathetic." That's dangerous, dangerous, dangerous, and I'm glad to see that everyone isn't asleep, and that some aren't afraid to peer into the gray.

 

At the same time, I think your approach at unfollowing him is perfectly appropriate, and probably the best possible tact to take. In my own family, two of my cousins haven't spoken for a couple of years due to some political/religious issue. These women are sisters, and in their 50s. Until this stupid disagreement, they were the best of friends. Now that whole branch of the family is in turmoil and upset over their falling-out.

 

The irony of the thing is overwhelming: My two cousins are tearing apart the fabric of their own family to feed their own selfish quests to be social justice heroes.

 

I can't do anything but shake my head at it. It's so sad. Pathetic.

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I agree. And frankly, I understand your cousin's weariness. There's a disturbingly polarizing current in the air these days. It oversimplifies the complexity of human thought with slippery-slope attitudes like, "You can't be both weary and sympathetic." That's dangerous, dangerous, dangerous, and I'm glad to see that everyone isn't asleep, and that some aren't afraid to peer into the gray.

 

At the same time, I think your approach at unfollowing him is perfectly appropriate, and probably the best possible tact to take. In my own family, two of my cousins haven't spoken for a couple of years due to some political/religious issue. These women are sisters, and in their 50s. Until this stupid disagreement, they were the best of friends. Now that whole branch of the family is in turmoil and upset over their falling-out.

 

The irony of the thing is overwhelming: My two cousins are tearing apart the fabric of their own family to feed their own selfish quests to be social justice heroes.

 

I can't do anything but shake my head at it. It's so sad. Pathetic.

 

Oh I agree. It even bleeds into opinions about parenting -I had to chuckle at my friend who reposted some meme admonishing everyone to do "gentle parenting" - insisting it is "effective" and basically confronting parents about how not to be confrontational with their kids, ever. I mean sure, of course yelling is not a good parenting approach but these polarizing "you must do it this way and call it this trendy label or else you are [not gentle/a racist/a chocoholic, whatever].

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So, this will not seem like a big deal but...I GOT TAKEOUT TODAY!

 

My son and his spouse invited me to go on a hike with them this morning at an ocean trail. Kind of a lot of people and only about half were wearing masks despite signage saying they were mandatory. But we were outside and were able to avoid getting too close to anyone for the most part. The kids decided they wanted to get takeout so I told them I would try, but don't be surprised if I didn't show up at the restaurant. Well, I did and ended up getting Italian food. I think I felt less afraid because the kids were there. The setup was good, you order at the door of the takeout area and pay there, then the young lady puts your food package into a cardboard box and hands it to you through another doorway. I handled the box with gloves and put it on the floor of my car and then when I got home I left the box outside and just brought the bag and food container inside. Then I transferred the food to a plate. Leftovers went into a container and into the fridge. I got ravioli with meat balls...super good. I wish I'd ordered garlic bread though! Their garlic bread is terrific but I didn't think about it. Next time.

 

So now maybe I can start feeling more comfortable getting takeout. I probably won't do fast food but maybe some little neighborhood places. And I found a dairy-free frozen dessert shop just 4 blocks from home! I really want to try that.

 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Sunny and low 80s here.

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So, this will not seem like a big deal but...I GOT TAKEOUT TODAY!

 

My son and his spouse invited me to go on a hike with them this morning at an ocean trail. Kind of a lot of people and only about half were wearing masks despite signage saying they were mandatory. But we were outside and were able to avoid getting too close to anyone for the most part. The kids decided they wanted to get takeout so I told them I would try, but don't be surprised if I didn't show up at the restaurant. Well, I did and ended up getting Italian food. I think I felt less afraid because the kids were there. The setup was good, you order at the door of the takeout area and pay there, then the young lady puts your food package into a cardboard box and hands it to you through another doorway. I handled the box with gloves and put it on the floor of my car and then when I got home I left the box outside and just brought the bag and food container inside. Then I transferred the food to a plate. Leftovers went into a container and into the fridge. I got ravioli with meat balls...super good. I wish I'd ordered garlic bread though! Their garlic bread is terrific but I didn't think about it. Next time.

 

So now maybe I can start feeling more comfortable getting takeout. I probably won't do fast food but maybe some little neighborhood places. And I found a dairy-free frozen dessert shop just 4 blocks from home! I really want to try that.

 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Sunny and low 80s here.

 

Wonderful -sounds delicious!!

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I have to go get a smog check for my car. The mechanic has to get into my car and drive it into the bay, then do the smog check. I really hate the idea of someone else getting into my car. I've got wipes so I can wipe everything down, and I'll keep the windows open when I leave to blow out any potential contaminated particles the mechanic might breathe into my car.

 

If they are not wearing masks I won't even stop in. No way is an unmasked stranger allowed in my car.

 

Then sometime this week I have to go to the DMV to register my car. That will involve standing in a long line to check in, then waiting for my number to be called. I also have to fill out forms in person because they don't allow you to download and print them from home for some reason. I am not happy about any of this.

 

Well, here goes nothing ...

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So, this will not seem like a big deal but...I GOT TAKEOUT TODAY!

 

My son and his spouse invited me to go on a hike with them this morning at an ocean trail. Kind of a lot of people and only about half were wearing masks despite signage saying they were mandatory. But we were outside and were able to avoid getting too close to anyone for the most part. The kids decided they wanted to get takeout so I told them I would try, but don't be surprised if I didn't show up at the restaurant. Well, I did and ended up getting Italian food. I think I felt less afraid because the kids were there. The setup was good, you order at the door of the takeout area and pay there, then the young lady puts your food package into a cardboard box and hands it to you through another doorway. I handled the box with gloves and put it on the floor of my car and then when I got home I left the box outside and just brought the bag and food container inside. Then I transferred the food to a plate. Leftovers went into a container and into the fridge. I got ravioli with meat balls...super good. I wish I'd ordered garlic bread though! Their garlic bread is terrific but I didn't think about it. Next time.

 

So now maybe I can start feeling more comfortable getting takeout. I probably won't do fast food but maybe some little neighborhood places. And I found a dairy-free frozen dessert shop just 4 blocks from home! I really want to try that.

 

Hope everyone is having a good weekend. Sunny and low 80s here.

 

You are doing so so awesome!!

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Well, that was a waste of time and gas.

 

The smog check place is 30 minutes away. I got there and it is squeezed into a tiny little parking lot with only one way in. The only way out is to back your car out. So I managed to pull in front of the shop. And I never even got out of my car. I could see there were about 5 or 6 people crammed into a tiny waiting room sitting shoulder to shoulder. And there was nowhere to wait outside since it was an active parking lot. So I backed my car up and got out of there. No way, no how.

 

I'll have to search for another place to get it done. Maybe somewhere that isn't so far away. The only good thing is it did get me out of my apartment. Oh, and I had to pee. Like, really bad. And public restrooms are a big NO right now. My bladder likes to play games with me. I'll be at home not drinking a thing for an hour before I leave, then I'll pee right before I go and 15 minutes later, when I'm too far away for it to make sense for me to go back home, my bladder will start absolutely SCREAMING at me. It happens every.single.time.

 

So I'm just going to go get grocery shopping done and gas up my car.

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Well, that was a waste of time and gas.

 

The smog check place is 30 minutes away. I got there and it is squeezed into a tiny little parking lot with only one way in. The only way out is to back your car out. So I managed to pull in front of the shop. And I never even got out of my car. I could see there were about 5 or 6 people crammed into a tiny waiting room sitting shoulder to shoulder. And there was nowhere to wait outside since it was an active parking lot. So I backed my car up and got out of there. No way, no how.

 

I'll have to search for another place to get it done. Maybe somewhere that isn't so far away. The only good thing is it did get me out of my apartment. Oh, and I had to pee. Like, really bad. And public restrooms are a big NO right now. My bladder likes to play games with me. I'll be at home not drinking a thing for an hour before I leave, then I'll pee right before I go and 15 minutes later, when I'm too far away for it to make sense for me to go back home, my bladder will start absolutely SCREAMING at me. It happens every.single.time.

 

So I'm just going to go get grocery shopping done and gas up my car.

 

Ugh -so frustrating!! I also pee a lot....

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So, the universe was actually looking out for me on the smog check thingy. I went to the DMV this morning and was told you can't even get in unless you 1) had an appointment that was originally scheduled for March or April before they shut it down or 2) get in line at approximately 5:00 AM and wait for them to open and even then they might not get to you because they are limiting staff for obvious reasons. That's fine, I wanted to get it done but I need for the state to realize that I want to register my vehicle but CAN'T. The lady said they will start accepting new appointments September 1st. My registration from my previous state expires September 21st so hopefully I can get in by then. If not, I guess they'll fine me or something. Eye roll.

 

So, I did some more grocery shopping so I won't have to go again until next Wednesday and I put gas in my car. Tomorrow will hopefully be a nice walk near the ocean.

 

My psychiatrist instructed me to double my dose of antidepressant since a good amount of anxiety was still creeping through. So far the only bad thing that happened was a slight increase in nausea and I was SUPER groggy last night. But that was easily solved by going to bed! Also having a decent amount of achy joints. Not sure what that's about.

 

Currently job hunting. No takers so far but I've only been looking for just under 2 weeks. If I find a job before the first week of September I'll stay here but if not I will have to move in with my brother. Not sure what the best option would be but I'd like to at least give it a try.

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It's been a beautiful day outside but I'm still following "safer at home". I feel more comfortable going out for walks during the week, when there are fewer people roaming around. It's ironic that I chose this neighborhood mainly because of its walkability and proximity to my son. And now we're not even enjoying it. But it's just the way things are.

 

Something else I find ironic...so the cousin of my cousin who was on social media insisting the pandemic is a hoax and "hospitals are empty" has done a complete 180. She's now posting about how there's no way she's willing to send her kids to school because it's too dangerous with the virus running rampant. She's certainly welcome to express her opinions but what's annoying is the people like her who don't think something's a thing unless and until it affects her personally. Her state has a horrendous number of cases due to their state leadership refusing to mandate masks and refusing to implement safety measure when reopening. So now it's a thing and she's scared. Ah well...I do hope she and her family remain safe and healthy.

 

I cleaned my apartment today mostly. Tomorrow I have to go pick up a couple of packages from Amazon Locker and finish cleaning.

 

My leave is up in a week. I'm curious to find out if they are going to insist I work out a two week notice. Since I'm supposed to be training on site for my new position I can't see the point. But they may insist anyway just to be difficult, which this company often does. We will see!

 

So far new medication is ok. No scary side effects. It just makes me a bit dizzy and nauseous and groggy about an hour after I take it, but since I take it at bedtime that isn't really a problem. And it causes very vivid detailed dreams. I dreamed about my mother last night. That was nice.

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Neighbor across the hall has people visiting. Now, I have also had people visit. My son and his spouse came by for about 10 minutes once to see my apartment and my brother and nephew visited for about an hour and a half on my birthday. These apartments are small so it's not like we can pack too many people in here. But it sounds like she maybe has 3 or 4 people over. I really don't have much contact with her. I haven't worked on site since early May and that was in my previous state so I haven't gone in to work here. And I think she goes to a job every weekday morning. So I am mostly inside and she goes out frequently but not while I'm out. I have gotten (honestly) lazy and been sleeping in until about 7:30 AM. I'm not necessarily worried that her friends are going to expose me somehow since they are inside her apartment with the door closed and I have my door closed. It's more if she gets infected and since we use the same stairwell she might breathe it out or something. I know, very small chance. Sigh.

 

I've got to decide what to do in the next 5 weeks or so regarding housing. I am fortunate to have options. I have about a month to find a job here. Fingers crossed.

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It was OK. They stayed in her apartment and even kept the back door closed. She has a screen door (I don't...totally wish I did!) which she normally keeps open when she's home but she didn't while her visitors were there. They stayed for about 3 hours. It was fine, I was just being weird and paranoid lol. Thanks for the concern :)

 

I scheduled another Covid test for Wednesday afternoon. I want to visit my brother but don't want to put him or his kids at risk. I should have the results about 7 days after the test.

 

I have assigned myself a busy week! I'm going to drive down south late this morning, get my car washed and then do a grocery pickup. Tomorrow it's laundry at my son's home. Wednesday is the Covid test and I might go for a drive before and maybe a walk. Thursday is probably going to be the laundromat for blankets, sheets and towels. And Friday will be open since I have had bad luck every time I try to do errands on Friday. I might have to go to the store for some staple items like coffee creamer and water. And I have made a goal to fill out at least one online job application per day. So far today I have applied for two.

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People holding "warehouse" parties. That's a bad idea on its own during a pandemic (and against state regulations) but there was a shooting during the party.

 

These things are why we can't get out of this pandemic. Between people stubbornly refusing to wear masks and people insisting on behaving like there is no pandemic, there will be no end to this.

 

What is it going to take for people to take this seriously???

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So, about 2 years ago I was sent to the Midwest for training after a promotion. During that training I met in person a gentleman who I had talked to on the phone previously (he interviewed me). I thought for sure he didn't much care for me because during that job interview I accidentally insulted him. I had used a company term to describe a task I'd been successful in accomplishing and he didn't know what the term meant and he spoke a bit strongly to me. I thought for sure I'd blown the interview because of that but I ended up getting offered the job.

 

ANYWAY...I can't explain why, but I found him very attractive. He is NOT my type at all! I generally am attracted to very tall, lanky men who have a certain hair and eye color. He's pretty short, probably about 5'7" and has what might be classified as a "nerd" look complete with horn rimmed glasses and not a particularly fashionable dress sense. But he's smart and maybe that's what attracted me. He also has a really nice speaking voice. He was impressed with my knowledge and job skills, he said so, and I made a good impression on the group as a whole with my presentations. We ended up needing to go to the airport at the same time on the last day of training so he offered me a ride (I would have had to take a Lyft otherwise). I was feeling unsure of what to do so I just thanked him after we went through TSA and went my own way to eat and wait for my flight.

 

So I am currently job hunting and thought it would be a good idea to build my LinkedIn network. I found him on there and requested to connect and he accepted. Now, I know better than to try to make some kind of romantic connection on LinkedIn. Not to mention he lives halfway across the country. But I looked him up on Facebook and saw no evidence of a wife or girlfriend but I did see he'd reposted something from an LGBTQ website, so it's possible he is gay. Cool, no chance for me to ever try to date him anyway. But it's funny how I find him so attractive. I haven't found anyone attractive for YEARS. So, a fun distraction.

 

New medication seems to be not quite strong enough. I find the anxiety creeping back in the middle of the afternoon. I am taking less than the usual therapeutic dose so my doctor said he might choose to increase my dose. I have an appointment with him next week so we'll see how that goes.

 

Going for my Covid test in a couple of hours.

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Interesting experience, shoving a q-tip like thingy up your nostrils to what seems practically to your brain. It made my nose super itchy and also made my eyes water. Tears were literally running down my cheeks. And the guy was shouting "no, gotta put it further!" And I had to drive a half hour home PLUS I took a wrong turn so it took me longer to get home, more like 40 minutes.

 

However, it wasn't nearly as bad as some people said it would be. So, results should be in about a week. Fingers crossed.

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Interesting experience, shoving a q-tip like thingy up your nostrils to what seems practically to your brain. It made my nose super itchy and also made my eyes water. Tears were literally running down my cheeks. And the guy was shouting "no, gotta put it further!" And I had to drive a half hour home PLUS I took a wrong turn so it took me longer to get home, more like 40 minutes.

 

However, it wasn't nearly as bad as some people said it would be. So, results should be in about a week. Fingers crossed.

 

I am very positive and hopeful for you! Sorry it was so icky!!!

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Ugh laundromat...

 

Supposed to be limited to 10 people. Nope, I couldn't even count how many were in there. Two of them were employees. The only good things were masks are required and there are two entrances with doors standing open so there's a lot of air circulation. The place was so crowded that when I was simply trying to leave I had to stand in a corner for five minutes waiting for the aisle to clear because there were so many people there.

 

And (this is 100% my fault) I washed too many things and tried to cram them all into one dryer. I had a huge bed blanket, 5 towels, two complete sheet sets and something like 6 pair of pants. So when I got everything home some of the things had damp spots. I should have divided everything into 2 dryers but I'm a dingbat. So I have hangers with sheets on them all over my apartment. They add a certain style to my dining area light fixture :icon_sad:

 

But it's done for about 12 days.

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I thought you were doing laundry at your son's place? Sounds frustrating, I'm sorry!

 

I am washing my clothes there but they have a small stackable wash machine and dryer that can't handle blankets or loads of towels. So I take my blankets, sheets and towels to the laundromat and I also take any bulky clothing like sweat pants or jeans. It's hot and humid for the next week so I don't anticipate wearing any sweat pants or jeans but I will need to wash my blankets, sheets and towels at the laundromat in about 12 days.

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